


Burn the Whole House Down

by aNerdObsessed



Series: Light Rises... and Darkness to Meet It [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, BAMF Leia Organa, Ben Solo is a Sub, Ben is Wallowing in the Angst, Burn Wounds, But Only for Rey, Chewbacca Is Over the Skywalker Bullshit, Chewie Needs a Hug, Dark Side Rey, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond, Galactic Rampage Averted, HEA Guaranteed, He Doesn't Know and Neither Do We, Heavy Angst, Hux Needs a First Aid Refresher Course, Injuries Have Real Life Repercussions, Is it Ben or Kylo?, Kylo Has A Morbid Imagination, Luke Is Worse Than Not Helpful, Luke Pulls a Kenobi, Misunderstandings and Miscommunications Galore, Or More Accurately Friends to Enemies to Something Else to ???, Shit's Getting Real, Slow Burn, Snoke is a Manipulative Abusive Douchebag, The Force Ships It, The Gang's Back Together Again, World Between Worlds As a Plot Device Because I Can, ouch that's gotta hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2020-11-16 13:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 58,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20825216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aNerdObsessed/pseuds/aNerdObsessed
Summary: When Kira Ren and Kylo found each other again, their meeting shattered the masks of delusion they had crafted for themselves. The little girl Ben knew as Rey is changed beyond recognition, and the friend Kira knew as Ben Solo is lost in regrets. The Dark Side pulls on both of them stronger than before in the aftermath of their encounter, and the future - and their roles in that future - are more cloudy than ever. Only together would they have any chance of finding their place in all this.COMPLETE





	1. 1st

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com), the absolute best in the business!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Hux stood behind the command shuttle’s pilots as they adjusted their course with the new coordinates, but his mind was not on the present. He was still replaying the events of the past twenty-four hours, trying to discern where he went wrong, what he could’ve done differently. It was an exhausting, frustrating task, but it was better to analyze the past than to face the present. 

The shuttle trembled, the floor paneling shivering under Hux’s boots. 

“What was that?” he demanded. 

“Not certain, General,” the captain said. “Could be a solar wind or unstable gravity field from the... the collapse.” 

Hux frowned. They should have been far enough away from the remains of Starkiller, but then again, nothing like the planet’s demise had ever happened before in recorded history, so some unexpected phenomena could be expected. 

The ship shuddered again, this time accompanied by a resounding clang. Everyone whirled towards the back of the shuttle where the alarming sound had come from. 

“Karking hell,” Hux muttered, not caring if the crew heard him use vulgar language. He stalked aft, flinging open the door to the makeshift medbay that was really the overnight quarters. 

The stormtrooper inside nearly shot him before Hux snapped, “Hold your fire.” He quickly took in the scene, noting the medical droid that was smashed to pieces against the far wall and the way that the stormtrooper was shaking in his armor. 

“Get out,” Hux ordered, not bothering to wait until the trooper fled the room before advancing on the bed where Kira Ren lay writhing weakly. 

She must have woken while the medical droid was working on her. Her eyes were foggy with pain and her skin glistened with sweat. The slice across her neck and face had been treated and sealed, although it would still need bacta to heal cleanly. The wound in her side, though, was ugly. The droid had cut away the armor and tunic over her abdomen, leaving her in a simple undergarment to cover her chest. Normally, Hux would’ve been taken aback to see so much skin but now the blaster wound took all his attention. 

At the impact point, the skin was burnt away, leaving raw, glistening flesh with glimpses of her ribs beneath. The intact skin surrounding the wound was mottled with red contusions that covered her entire side. Although Hux had had the foresight to order the crew to snag a medkit and droid before they left, they didn’t have any imaging equipment to determine what damage had happened internally. If she had ruptured her spleen, she could be bleeding out and he would have no way to know or stop it from happening. 

Kira moaned, her entire body shivering. The shuttle trembled again and several unmoored objects in the room began to rise from the floor. 

“Hey,” Hux snarled, gripping her chin in his hand. Her eyes snapped to his, as though she hadn’t known he was there. “Stop trying to wreck the ship. If you do that again I’ll kill you.” 

She struggled to focus on him. “You can’t... kill me,” she panted weakly. 

Hux scowled in her face. Even half-dead the bitch knew she had the advantage. 

“No,” he agreed. “But you only have to be alive when we reach the _Supremacy_. Doesn’t matter if you die after we arrive.” 

Her eyes drifted away. Hux looked at her wound again and grimaced. 

“Since you destroyed the medical droid, you’ll have to settle for me.” Hux turned to the medkit on the floor and bent down to rummage inside. There were no painkillers, of course. If they’d had any, it would have been in the medical droid, ready to inject the proper dosage. Even if Hux had found the drug and a hypodermic needle, and managed to get up the willpower to stick it in her arm, he wouldn’t have known the difference between enough to kill the pain and enough to kill her. The last thing he needed was to arrive on the _Supremacy_ with a dead Kira Ren and a toxicology report pointing directly at him. 

Hux stood next to the bed, holding a handful of bacta patches of assorted sizes. “Ren.” 

Her eyes had closed, but Kira opened them blearily. 

“I’m going to bandage your wounds. Please refrain from any unnecessary violence.” 

Hux took her silence as compliance and pulled on a pair of sterile gloves before reaching for the cleansing solution. It appeared that the droid had mostly prepared the burn wound in her abdomen, but it was still leaking fluid and he attempted to wipe up around the edges of the exposed area for a clean application. That seemed right, anyway – this wasn’t a simple scrape or cut. 

Hux ripped open the first bacta patch. The sharp clean scent hit his nose and he braced himself before gingerly laying it across the bottom edge of the damage. 

As the bacta came in contact with exposed nerve endings, Kira flinched, which caused Hux to flinch, expecting to be tossed across the room. He saw the muscles in her arm go rigid, her hand gripping the frame of the bed and crushing the metal in her fist. Hux exhaled shakily. As long as she didn’t crumple the shuttle’s bulkheads, he was fine with her damaging the furniture. 

“Next one,” he informed her, trying not to gag as he lowered the second patch over the center of the grisly wound where the blaster bolt had struck. This time, her whole body went rigid, her back arching slightly as she breathed through her nose. Hux wasn’t in much better condition, feeling the bile climbing up his throat. He probably should’ve packed the wound with something. 

_ Stars, this is revolting. _

The last patch covered the upper limits of the burn wound as Kira turned her face to the wall. Hux let out a sharp breath when it was done. 

Then he abruptly turned and vomited into an empty crate on his knees. The pungent smell of his own sick mixing with the stench of blood and sweat caused him to heave several more times. 

Hux wiped his mouth and stood, peeling off the soiled gloves. Kira watched him, her eyes sharper and more alert. The bacta must have taken the edge off the pain. 

“I should probably wrap your abdomen to keep them in place,” Hux said, although his tone almost made it a question. She didn’t respond, but he rummaged for gauze in the medkit and pulled out a thick roll. 

“It’ll be easier if you sit up. Can you do that?” 

“...Yes.” 

She groaned, fresh beads of sweat breaking out over her forehead as she struggled to sit on the edge of the bed. Hux reached out to support her, the unreal feeling of the entire situation overriding any shock he would have normally incurred by willingly assisting the Master of the Knights of Ren. Hux wrapped the gauze around her middle clumsily, trying to secure the bacta patches in place until they arrived at the _Supremacy. _

He helped her lay down, gripping her hand as she slumped to the blood-stained sheets. He let go quickly, grimacing when he saw his own hand was covered in blood. 

“What the hell, Ren,” he said, searching for a clean cloth or something to scrub her blood from his palm. 

“Sorry,” she breathed, her eyes closed. “It was your choice to not leave me behind.” 

He rubbed his hand furiously, noticing the blood dripping from her fingers and the twisted, jagged bedframe where she had gripped it as he applied the bandages. 

“Trust me when I say it was not my choice.” Hux turned her hand over, finding a puncture wound and cursing under his breath. “But please, continue to injure yourself and make my task as difficult as possible.” 

Kira huffed a wry laugh which turned into a groan as she jostled her damaged ribs. “It’s the only freedom I am allowed. We’re both just pawns in Snoke’s game, with no real choice.” 

“Shut it,” Hux snapped, applying another smaller bandage to the puncture wound. When he looked up, she was watching him with that burning challenge that never failed to rile him. 

“You may be right,” he begrudged, settling into the familiar territory of arrogance and hostility, “but I’m currently the pawn with the advantage. Don’t piss me off.” 

“We are both failures today,” she returned. “Don’t pretend otherwise.” 

Hux stood and glared down at her. Kira turned her face away, exposing the long row of sutures along her neck and face. Sickened and exhausted, Hux retreated to the opposite side of the cabin and slumped to the floor, leaning his head against the wall. 

~---~ 

It was not unusual that Poe Dameron would be the first to volunteer for the most dangerous and daring missions with the most terrible odds of success. 

It wasn’t that he was trying to show off. That was more of a secondary motive or a side effect. No, he volunteered for those missions because he enjoyed them – he lived for the moment when he came through on the other side, hyped on adrenaline and laughing in the face of the Resistance’s enemies. Nothing could beat that high. 

While this also was a dangerous mission with terrible odds of success, he was beginning to regret volunteering. 

He had just touched down on the tarmac and the entire Resistance was there to greet them. The whole base was cheering and whooping with joy. Understandably, because taking down Starkiller Base literal minutes before they would all have been obliterated by the First Order’s weapon of mass destruction would get anyone excited. 

When Poe jumped out of the cockpit, he was already scanning the crowd for his friends. He located the _Millennium __Falcon _and loped off towards the freighter, clapping technicians on the back and clasping hands with pilots, mirroring their relieved grins. 

The gangway of the _Millennium Falcon _dropped as Poe approached, and he found General Organa was right next to him, her face drawn. 

“I’m sure they got him,” Poe assured her, speaking over the cacophony of jubilant noise around them. 

Leia startled, her head turning to glance at him distractedly. Poe was surprised to note the glimmer of tears in her eyes. 

“Are you alright?” Poe asked. 

She pressed her lips together just as a Wookiee’s warble interrupted Poe’s follow up questions. They both saw Chewbacca charge down the ramp with a limp form in his arms. 

“Finn!” Poe exclaimed, running forward. “Medic! We need a medic!” 

The next few minutes were chaos as Chewbacca transferred Finn over to the medical team. Finn looked terrible and Poe wasn’t even sure he was alive until someone declared that they’d found a heartbeat. 

“What happened down there?” Poe demanded. Chewie moaned the beginnings of the story – how he, Han, and Finn had infiltrated Starkiller Base, when Poe realized it was just the two of them. 

“Where’s Han?” 

Chewbacca whimpered softly, his head bowed. Poe’s heart sank as he realized he had lost track of Leia. 

Poe turned on his heel and found her standing where he’d left her, staring at the _Falcon. _“Oh, no.” 

Someone else stumbled off the _Falcon,_ tripping and falling on his knees, not bothering to get up. Leia stepped forward, stiff and tentative. 

“Ben?” 

Poe saw Ben’s head jerk up at the name. Poe moved closer to Leia when he saw the look in Ben’s eyes: hard and angry and unfocused. 

“No,” Ben spat. “Leave me alone.” He rose to his feet, turned, and stalked away into the trees at the edge of the airfield. 

“What was that?” Poe asked no one in particular. He felt disturbed by Ben’s outburst. Even though it was fairly typical for Ben to snap at everyone, especially if Han was truly dead, something about him reminded Poe of Kira Ren’s manner – volatile and burning. 

Leia pressed a hand over her mouth. Chewie stepped forward, wrapping her in his arms, and Leia buried her head in the Wookiee’s hairy chest. This was probably far from the reunion with her son she’d hoped for. Poe frowned, his eyebrows drawn together. 

“I’ll go get him,” he offered. Leia didn’t respond, but Chewbacca looked at him and nodded, then continued to murmur gently to Leia. 

Poe turned and jogged off after Ben. Luckily, Ben hadn’t made it far, stopping in a green clearing just behind the last hangar. He was bent over, kneeling in the scratchy grass with his hands gripping his hair. Poe approached cautiously, that instinct of something wrong growing thicker, tugging at him to run the other way. 

“Hey, Kylo? You should come back to the base, get checked out by medical and get some food.” 

Ben raised his head, but he was facing away so Poe couldn’t see his expression. He growled, “I said, leave me alone.” 

“Can’t do that, Ben.” Poe felt his legs tremble with the urge to flee, but he had learned a long time ago to ignore that urge. “I just escaped the First Order, too, remember? That Kira Ren can really get inside your head, but we need to take care of you, alright?” 

Ben rose and turned, his face ghostly and hollow in the shadows under the canopy of trees. “You know nothing about it.” 

Poe raised his hands placatingly. “Sure, but I might know something about it.” 

Ben stared at him for several tense minutes, his anger gradually melting into a vague despondence. “I almost killed her.” 

Poe blinked. “Who? Ren?” 

“She murdered Han.” 

“Why didn’t you get rid of her then?” 

“I tried.” 

“And what happened?” 

“I failed.” 

Poe sighed. Chewbacca probably would be able to tell them what happened. With Ben, it was like pulling a rancor’s teeth. “Alright, come on. We’ll sort it all out after we get you fixed up. And the General wants to see you.” 

Poe started back the way he’d come, relaxing when he heard Ben follow after a brief hesitation. 

~---~ 

Kylo submitted apathetically to Dr. Kalonia’s efficient examination. Her diagnoses were unsurprising: dehydration, likely post-traumatic stress, concussion. 

“Eat something, drink something, get some rest,” she advised, tapping notes into a datapad. “Go talk to Leia. She’s waiting on you.” 

Kylo grunted, sliding down from the table and tugging on an olive Resistance-issue shirt and snatching up his boots, ignoring the doctor’s critical eye. He wandered towards the exit of the medbay, passing medical droids and crates of supplies as he felt the row of stitches in his tongue. Most of the bleeding from when he bit his tongue during Hux’s torture had stopped, but Kalonia had insisted on numbing his mouth and sewing up his tongue. His mouth still felt fuzzy, so he clamped his jaw tightly to keep from drooling or something equally pathetic. 

Leia looked up when Kylo stepped out of the medbay. He wasn’t surprised to see her there; after all, Kalonia had said she’d be waiting. He was mildly surprised to see that her eyes were dry, although they were bloodshot and hollow. 

“Ben. Is it true?” 

He should have known she wouldn’t use his bounty hunter alias, but it still hurt when he heard her say his name. He answered, “Would Chewbacca lie about something like that?” 

Leia coughed on a pained laugh, then stopped herself. “No.” 

Kylo nodded. 

She stood, her movements stiff and fragile, like she was trying not to trigger the tears. “I’m glad you’re here, son.” 

“You shouldn’t be.” 

Leia pressed her lips together, then slapped her son hard across the face. 

Kylo jerked back, an unusually large amount of saliva and blood splattering from his mouth due to the numbing agent. 

“I am so _kriffing_ tired of you idiot Solo men attempting to tell me what to do.” Her voice broke at the end of her declaration and she shuddered on a sob. “I’m sorry. I didn’t plan to attack you when you got home.” 

Kylo stared at her in disbelief, holding his jaw. 

She sighed, briefly touching a hand to her head. “Let’s go to my office.” 

General Organa’s office turned out to be as elegant and spare as Kylo would’ve guessed. The furniture was made of sturdy polished wood, and the roots hanging down the walls were also polished, creating an elegant latticework framing the room. 

Leia sat down behind the desk. Kylo hesitated before slumping down in the seat across from her. He felt slightly more at ease with the solidity of the desk between them. 

“Chewbacca already told me what happened,” Leia reported, the tears in her voice having vanished. Apparently, the desk also helped her find her balance. 

“He couldn’t have told you everything,” Kylo said, concentrating on his pronunciation to not slur his words around his thick tongue, being mostly successful. 

“No,” Leia agreed, “but likely you won’t tell me the rest.” 

Kylo bristled at her assumption even as his gut agreed. He didn’t want to tell her what had happened to him on Starkiller – it didn’t concern the Resistance anyway. 

“But as your mother, I’m willing to listen.” 

“Really?” Ben scoffed, raising his eyebrows. 

“Now’s not the time to throw my failings in my face, Ben.” A fresh wave of grief passed over her face and Ben remembered again. 

Han was dead. His father was dead. 

How had he forgotten, even for a split second? 

Ben felt the anger rise up again. “It was Rey.” 

“Rey?” 

“Rey is Kira Ren. She killed Han.” 

Leia’s jaw tightened. “Chewie wasn’t sure but he thought that it was her.” She exhaled slowly. “Is she alive?” 

Kylo didn’t hold back the venom in his voice. “Yes.” 

Leia absorbed the news quietly, a flurry of emotions running across her face before she exploded. “Karking hell!” 

Kylo stared at his mother in surprise for the second time that day. 

“Don’t give me that look,” she said. “It’s just... everything I’ve worked for just got shot to pieces today. No, that’s not true.” Leia met her son’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re back, Ben.” 

Kylo waited, refusing to rise to the bait. 

“Right. I’ve ordered everyone on base to begin preparing for immediate evacuation. The First Order will be in disarray, but they still have many resources beyond Starkiller Base. I expect that they’ll be here within a day cycle to finish what they started.” She sighed, placing a hand over her eyes before looking at him again. “I’d like to spend more time with you but that’s not possible.” 

Kylo cocked an eyebrow. That was nothing new. 

“Meanwhile, we matched the piece of the map from BB-8 to what we already had from R2-D2. We know where Luke is.” 

Kylo straightened in his seat. He had forgotten about the map to Skywalker. 

“I can’t spare anyone from the Resistance right now,” Leia continued, “so I’d like to send you to find him and bring him back.” 

“Me?” Kylo couldn’t think of a worse idea. 

“Yes, with the_ Falcon,_ of course. Chewie’s already agreed to go with you.” 

“Luke disappeared years ago and hasn’t come back since. What makes you think he’s going to now?” 

“You can convince him to return.” 

“He never listened to me,” Kylo muttered. “And I don't owe him anything.” 

Mother and son stared at each other. Kylo looked away first. 

“What happened on Alaris Prime?” Leia asked softly. 

Kylo gritted his teeth. 

“Please, Ben. I want to understand.” 

He worked his jaw back and forth. “It was Rey.” 

“Rey?” 

“She gave in to the Dark. Destroyed the Temple. Burned the Academy. Killed everyone.” 

Leia absorbed his words in silence. “Except you.” 

Kylo glowered. “And Luke, apparently.” 

“Well, yes,” Leia amended, tapping a finger on the desk absently. She sighed. “I didn’t think we would lose Rey like that.” 

“It wasn’t her fault,” Kylo disputed. “We failed her.” _I failed her, and now Han is dead. _

Leia shook her head. “We can only hope it’s not too late for her to come back to us.” 

Kylo scoffed. “You never believed Luke that Anakin truly returned to the Light. Why would you want that for _Kira Ren _after she murdered your husband?” 

Leia scowled. “Maybe because I know she has both Light and Dark in her. I saw her grow up. With Anakin, I only knew Vader.” 

“But isn’t she just the same? An orphan, a failed Jedi apprentice?” 

“Are you done trying to provoke me?” Leia snapped. 

Disgruntled, Kylo slouched in his seat. 

Leia’s demeanor flipped to business in the blink of an eye. “You’re a bounty hunter.” 

Kylo stiffened warily, unsure of where she was leading. 

“I’m going to offer you 50,000 credits for the retrieval of Luke Skywalker – _alive, _of course. Double if he comes willingly.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m paying you to bring Luke to me.” 

“With what money?” 

“Money that you need. You don’t have a vessel. You don’t have equipment. What you _do_ have is a bounty on your head courtesy of the First Order. This is money that you need if you expect to survive.” 

Kylo clamped his mouth shut.The politician in his mother had just cornered him into a deal he couldn’t afford to turn down. 

“It’s settled.” Leia leaned away from her desk. “You leave with Chewie in twelve hours.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long to get back here, but hopefully you will enjoy what I have. I'm very excited to be posting again, and I plan to get back to my schedule of every two weeks on Sundays. And since I lost a bit of momentum, I'd appreciate any sharing of [this post on tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/post/188035141480/new-burn-the-whole-house-down-part-3-of-light) to get the word out.
> 
> And of course, let me know what you think of this first chapter below and leave a kudos if you so desire. I love talking with you all about the story and characters! Until next time...


	2. 2nd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hats off to my beta extraordinaire, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Kira Ren sat on the edge of the bed in her quarters aboard the _Supremacy_, taking a break from the unexpectedly arduous task of dressing herself. Each movement seemed to aggravate her damaged body in new ways. The surgical droid had recommended she rest for the next few days, but Kira knew Snoke would not allow her the time. Instead she had carried herself back to her rooms and begun to piece herself back together, starting with a clean set of clothes.

Her hand rubbed over her side, trying to soothe the ache. Her ribs had protested when she bent over to pull on her leggings, and the score across her neck and face had punished her when she lifted her arms to pull on her undershirt. Kira knew she should have been able to use the pain to push herself on, but instead she felt only exhaustion like a thick blanket smothering her thoughts and movements.

Kira tightened her fingers, digging into her side, and the nerves flared in agony. Juxtaposed to the sharp pain, the skin itself felt smooth and untouched, as though nothing had changed.The bacta treatments in combination with the skin graft had healed the injuries in the soft tissues, leaving only a mild tenderness, but the broken ribs beneath would take time to heal completely. Slowly, Kira released her grip. She gritted her teeth, breathing through the pain. 

A chime sounded, announcing that someone was at the entry to her chambers. 

Kira lurched to her feet and across the room, slamming her palm against the lock to let him in. The door slid open and Tirian Ren looked up, his copper eyes flaring. 

“Are you well?” he asked, ever the epitome of civility. 

Kira scowled. “You came for a reason.”

“Still upset, I see.” He sighed, clasping his hands behind his back. Kira’s glower deepened. Tirian reminded her of Hux when he stood like that. It was no wonder that they got along so well. 

“I’m never in the mood for pleasantries.” 

“Fine.” Tirian’s eyebrows drew together. “Supreme Leader Snoke has summoned you to his throne room within the hour.” 

Kira raised her chin. “Dismissed.” 

He bowed his head and stepped back before hesitating. “Might I recommend that you wear your mask during your audience with Leader Snoke?” 

Her glare was scorching. “Get the kriff out.” 

“Yes, Master.” 

As soon as the door hissed shut, Kira tossed a chair across the chamber with a scream. It was made of a metalloid, not a ligneous material, so it merely bounced off the wall to clatter across the floor. She clenched a fist and the chair crumpled with a squeal. 

Kira breathed hard from the brief exertion. She walked over to the twisted pile of metal, crouching slowly to study it. It seemed entirely random, how the chair’s structure had given way under the pressure. But the weaknesses must have been there all along. With a sigh, she stood stiffly to go to the ‘fresher. 

Standing over the sink, Kira looked at her reflection in the mirror. Tirian was right – she looked terrible. Like some disfigured corpse that had been recently reanimated from a failed embalmment, with her pallid and sallow complexion, limp and tangled hair, eyes bruised and haunted, the jagged, inflamed scar stretching over her eye and cheek and down her neck sutured by a gray mesh of synthskin. 

Gingerly, she began to prepare herself to see her Master, tugging back her greasy hair into a tight braid, relishing the way the pull on her scalp created a clean pain, clearing her head. She bent over the basin to wash her face, wincing when her abdomen twinged in protest at the movement. She pulled off the loose tunic that she’d only just donned after her discharge from Snoke’s private medical suite and dressed in her familiar dark gear, trying not to aggravate her healing injuries, hissing when the cloth and armor rubbed at the fresh graft on her side. 

When Kira finished dressing, she looked into the mirror again. 

She still looked like a wreck, the pain clearly radiating from her eyes. Her preparation for the audience with Snoke was a farce. He would know the moment she appeared. He would know she was a failure. 

Yet she had done everything right. She had killed Han Solo. She had pushed Ben Solo into the Dark, finally, setting him free from the burden of indecision. 

It should have been empowering. Kira Ren, reawakening the latent Darkness in Kylo, bringing the descendent of Vader under Snoke’s tutelage, finally uniting with Ben in the power and freedom of the Dark Side. 

Instead, the Force seemed unbalanced, brimming with dissension, crackling and fizzling around her as if it were frayed. 

Kira closed her eyes, turning to the well of pain and anger she had built to center herself. It was almost reflexive, that mental path through hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and abandonment. But she was surprised when the Force rose up and took control of her meditation, diverting her elsewhere as easily as a conveyex switching tracks. 

It was quiet there, oddly still and singular. Something was coming, rising within her. It felt like a wave swelling and peaking, about to crest then just as suddenly, the feeling of panicked excitement slipped away like a cosmic exhale. 

Kira wrenched her eyes open and shuddered. Whatever that was, she wasn’t sure she was ready to face it. Even Snoke would be preferable to what the Force wanted to show her. 

Quickly, she left the ‘fresher and summoned her mask from a side table to her hand. She moved to slip it over her head when something from the pile of clothing on the floor glinted, catching her eye. Delicately, Kira stretched out a hand and drew the tiny, smooth orb towards her, floating silently to nestle in her palm. The mask dangled from her fingers at her side, forgotten for the moment.

It was a Naboo night pearl, a shimmering, smoky gemstone that had been found on Ben Solo when he had been taken aboard the _Finalizer _. Kira knew it was the same that Ben had given her in another lifetime. Why and how he had it in his possession was a mystery. 

Then he had called her Rey. Now he called her murderer.

Swiftly, she slipped the pearl into a hidden pocket under her armor before crowning herself with the blank mask and striding from her chambers. 

~---~ 

Chewie yowled from the cockpit, jolting Kylo where he stood in the galley. He had nearly fallen asleep standing, his eyesight blurring and his head nodding in exhaustion, even though he had just woken from a dead sleep. He almost felt worse now than before his rest. 

The _Falcon _was tunneling through hyperspace when Chewie had come to the lounge and stood over Kylo, growling at him to wake up. The Wookiee had had to shake him, too. Kylo knew the fatigue in his muscles and mind would require a long, deep sleep – possibly a full day cycle, which had happened before – but that probably wouldn’t work out, given that they were coming up on the location now. 

He had managed to catch a few hours of sleep before they’d left D’Qar, hurried along by the mass exodus of all personnel to the Resistance ships anchored in synchronized orbit above the base. The _Millennium Falcon _had jetted off into the black, jumping into hyperspace just beyond the stream of shuttles carrying passengers and cargo to the main vessels. The First Order was coming, and no one wanted to be there when they arrived. 

Kylo knew he had come to the galley for a reason and eventually noted the canister of old caf beans on the sideboard. Groggily, he set about brewing a strong cup to force his body to obey his mind a little while longer. Chewie called out again, reminding him they’d be dropping out of hyperspace in a few minutes. How long had he been dozing in the galley? 

Kylo stumbled into the cockpit clutching a fragrant mug of caf just in time to see the starlines shorten and settle into distinct points of light. In front of them lay an oceanic planet without continents, only small islands clustered over the surface. 

Chewie yipped, asking Kylo where to take them down. Kylo pulled up the copy of the completed map from BB-8 and magnified the sector over their destination 

“Go to the far side, southern hemisphere,” Kylo directed. 

The _Falcon _plunged down to the surface until they were skimming over gently undulating waves that appeared to burn in the glow of the setting sun. It was dusk as they approached the craggy island indicated on the map. They did a quick circulation of its borders, but found that its surface was almost entirely sloped and, in several places, completely vertical. There was a stretch of beach, but without knowing the nature of tides on the planet, it would be imprudent to land on the shoreline. A shelf of rock on the opposite side of the island looked large enough to hold the _Falcon_, so that was where Kylo and Chewbacca brought her down. 

The night was closing in by the time they had finished the post-flight checklist. Chewie growled. 

“I don’t plan on going up there tonight. I’d either fall asleep or fall off a cliff.” Kylo peered up from the cockpit towards the island’s peak, just an outline glowing faintly against a starry sky. 

Chewie barked a question. 

“I don’t know if he’s here.” Kylo shifted in his seat. He glanced at Chewie, who cocked his head, waiting. “Alright, fine.” 

Kylo closed his eyes, exhaling slowly, hands on his knees. He was beyond exhausted, fatigued mentally and physically by the whirlwind of events that had happened in the past few days, but he gathered himself for one more effort. 

His perception stretched out, feeling across the island through the Force. It was stronger here, more pure and real than Kylo could ever remember feeling. There was life, too, several lifeforms actually, but none of them felt like Luke. 

Abruptly he pulled back. It hadn’t occurred to him that Luke wouldn’t be here, but of course it had been years since Luke had disappeared. It was entirely possible that he had moved on. Or he could be dead. 

“I didn’t find him,” Kylo told Chewie. “We’ll just have to look for him tomorrow.” 

Chewbacca acceded to Kylo’s plan, shuffling out of the cockpit to gather a few blankets and a bedroll. Kylo followed and watched, knowing without asking that Chewie would sleep outside tonight, underneath the _Falcon_. The presence and memory of Han Solo was still too real onboard the old freighter. 

“Chewie?” 

Chewbacca turned back. Kylo looked up into Chewbacca’s old eyes and saw a gulf of pain there. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t save him.” 

Chewie nodded slowly, patting him on the shoulder before leaving. 

Kylo wandered back to the cockpit, settling down in the pilot’s seat. He stared into the darkness beyond, the island dissolving into the emptiness of night. Yet when he closed his eyes and let go, it was so very full – Light and Dark twisting and trickling and churning and seeping. It was so much. 

With a sigh, Kylo opened his eyes and set about configuring the signal to an encrypted Resistance frequency. A snarl of static shredded the air before resolving. 

“Hey, Ben! That you?” 

Kylo grimaced at the sound of Dameron's enthusiastic greeting and turned down the volume. “I’m here. We made it to Skywalker’s location.” 

“Ah, thank the stars! It’s been a crazy day.” 

“The evacuation?” 

“We almost didn’t make it out. The last ships jumped to lightspeed just as the First Order fleet dropped out of hyperspace. The people on the medical frigate said they saw they even had a dreadnaught. Can you imagine? I wish I could’ve taken that sucker down.” 

Kylo snorted. “That would’ve been a lot more trouble than it was worth.” 

“Yeah, well,” Poe conceded. “Anyway, we’re getting settled into the new place.” 

“Where are you?” 

“That’s need-to-know, buddy.” 

Kylo could hear Dameron’s grin. “How am I supposed to bring Skywalker back if I don’t know where you are?” 

“Uh-uh. This channel may be encrypted but the First Order’s smarter than they look sometimes. Oh, and Finn’s gonna be fine by the way. He’ll be happy to know you asked about him.” 

“He’s awake?” 

“No, but they expect him to wake up soon.” 

“Good.” 

“Thought you might need to hear something nice.” 

“Don’t do anything to get yourself killed, Dameron.” 

“As long as you do the same. We’re gonna need you back.” 

Kylo grunted. “I’ll contact you when I have news.” 

“Alright. Over and out.” 

The channel went silent and Kylo turned off the communications array, slouching into the pilot’s seat. 

In the dim glow of the control board, Kylo let down the dam and allowed the river of misery saturate his mind as he relived Han’s murder. He hadn’t forgotten while he was talking to Dameron, but it had been set aside for a moment. Now, he could see and feel it in his mind so clearly that it seemed like it was happening all over again. 

He was going to kill her for this. 

The Darkness within the island bent towards him, curious and eager, but a wave of exhaustion overtook him instead. Kylo lurched to his feet and stumbled towards the sleeping quarters before deciding that would be too uncomfortably close to his father. Instead he crashed onto the lounge seat, the cushions rough under his cheek, where his fatigue immediately stuck him with hungry claws and dragged him under. 

Just before his conscious winked out, Kylo felt the Force tug at his awareness, urgent and rising in anticipation, but he was too far gone to pay heed. 

~---~ 

The turbolift’s door whizzed open and Kira jerked her head upright. The mask she wore hid her brief moment of startlement, but didn’t give her time to brace herself to face what lay before her. She had no room for distraction even though her mind was awhirl with uncertainties. 

The Praetorian Guard stood at ease around the perimeter, blending in with the red drapes encircling the throne. She could feel their sights fixed on her, assessing her. She hated them – she would kill them all, if she was allowed. She could feel their distrust, and by extension, Snoke’s. She wasn’t good enough. 

Snoke, sitting on his glossy throne, turned a burning eye up to rake over her before gesturing a gnarled, bejeweled hand to urge her to approach. Kira Ren did as she was bid, kneeling on one knee a respectful distance before her master. 

Snoke’s attention turned back to Hux, who stood stiffly before the throne. 

“Continue,” Snoke said to Hux.

“We searched their base but their evacuation was thorough, and all the data in their systems had been destroyed. I have technicians working to recover what we can.”

“And their fleet?”

“Jumped to hyperspace just as we arrived, but -”

“Escaped?” Snoke towered over the general, leering from his throne. Kira could almost smell Hux’s fear it was so thick.

“Please, Supreme Leader, we’ll have them soon! We know where they are.”

Snoke’s icy stare did not relent. “The hyperspace tracking. It works?”

“It does, Supreme Leader. We have confirmation of their new location.”

Snoke’s fingers curled into claws on the arms of the throne. Kira could feel Hux’s self-control struggling to keep him in place. “Perhaps this project of yours will not fail as spectacularly as the last.”

Kira kept her eyes fixed on the floor. She hated this routine of demoralization and intimidation, knowing her turn was next.

“It won’t, Leader Snoke.”

“See that it doesn’t.”

Hux swallowed. “And the Resistance?”

Snoke leaned back, a shrewd curl to his lip. “Wait. I cannot have the Resistance interfering anymore. Let them call on their allies, and then you will have another chance at destroying them all for good. Don’t fail me again.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“I have invested so much in you, General. Too much, perhaps.”

“You won’t be disappointed again.”

“Go. Get out of my sight.”

Hux turned and marched stiffly away from the throne. Kira’s mask tilted up when he passed, just as he glanced at her. His eyes slid away, but she noted the deep lines on his face and the greasy red hair. He likely hadn’t slept since they’d arrived on the _Supremacy _almost a day ago, and he had done a worse job than she did at concealing his vulnerability.

After Hux left, no one moved for a long moment. Kira could feel the sweat trickling down the tense arc of her spine under her armor, but she kept her head bowed, resisting the urge to twitch and relieve the tension. 

“How’s your wound?” 

Kira’s hands, folded demurely over her knee, tightened imperceptibly. “It’s nothing,” she offered, the mask filtering out the slightest edge in her voice. 

“Hmm,” Snoke intoned mockingly. 

Kira felt Snoke brush against her mind, leaning forward in his seat to crush her with the weight of his stare. She flung up her thickest mental shields, not caring if he grew angry or suspicious – he could never know how much it had truly wounded her. 

“You know that I chose you against my better judgment?” Snoke settled back. “You were not the obvious choice. No, most people would find that the temptation of the legacy that is Ben Solo too perfect to resist.” 

Kira tasted the ferrous tang of blood and realized she was biting her tongue. She didn’t stop. 

“But you, you were so much like young Vader, ready to be molded in his image, so ripe for the plucking. Such raw, untamed power.” Snoke sighed dramatically. “But now, I fear that I was mistaken.” 

“I have given you everything, master. I have chosen to give everything to the Dark Side,” Kira protested through gritted teeth. 

Snoke rose to his feet. “Take off that mask, and let me see that choice for myself.” 

Kira hesitated, then, slowly, lifted her hands to release the helmet. She set it on the ground and the thud of it hitting the polished floor was lost in the vast stillness of the throne room. She tried to swallow, but choked on the knot in her throat, not daring to raise her reddened eyes to Snoke’s face. 

The tips of Snoke’s golden slippers came in her view, then Kira felt his long, clammy fingers slide under her chin and grip it like a vice, tilting her head up. 

“Ah, there it is.” Snoke clucked in mock sympathy, stroking the synthskin climbing up her neck and face, causing her to twitch in pain. “This is what _giving everything to the Dark Side_ looks like, hmm?” 

“I killed Han Solo!” Kira cried as he pulled her up, unbalancing her. “I pushed Ben Solo to the Dark Side.” 

Snoke released her and she caught herself on hands and knees. He turned away, his rich, golden robe whispering across the smooth floor. “And look at you, the deed has split you to the bone. You were unbalanced because of your love for Ben Solo. You _failed_.” 

Kira lunged towards Snoke without thought. He didn’t even bother to face her, a spidery hand sending daggers of lightning to stab through her limbs. She was thrown back, skidding across the floor. 

Snoke tutted. “Restrain yourself, my disgruntled apprentice.” 

Kira whimpered, curling onto her side. The Praetorian guard nearby cocked his head at her, then relaxed his stance, disengaging his weapon. 

“Skywalker lives.” Snoke wandered back to his throne, slouching on it indolently. “Ben Solo is not with us. With his absence, the Jedi may yet be a threat. All this, because of you.” 

Kira looked up, her eyes red and burning. 

“And you are still a hapless child, lost and afraid.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> What did you think? Good, bad, or ugly - I'd love to hear what your reactions were. Leave a kudos or comment, or hit me up on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com).
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> Update in two weeks!


	3. 3rd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for beta'ing this chapter!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Kylo woke the next day to Chewbacca’s roars outside the _ Millennium Falcon. _He groaned, his mouth fuzzy from dehydration and his muscles stiff from sleeping like the dead for over twelve hours. The worst part about being awake, though, was the thinking. Now that he was conscious, everything came rushing back to him. 

And to top it off, today he was going to find Luke. 

Kylo ran his hands through his hair, rubbing his eyes. Joints popping, he stood up gingerly from the bunk he had stuffed himself in, moaning as he felt all the bumps and bruises from his complaining muscles. Kylo clomped to the gangway which was lowered to admit a cool sea breeze. Kylo squinted in the daylight beyond to find Chewie. 

“What’s wrong?” Kylo grumbled, his voice ragged. 

Chewie raised his arms and growled in frustration, then kicked out at the small avian creatures clustered around his legs, staring up with overlarge black eyes. 

“What are those?” 

Chewie ignored Kylo’s question and continued to try to herd the things away from the ramp with his feet. The birds didn’t seem to be belligerent, more likely curious, so Kylo figured Chewbacca could handle them. But they were shrieking and cooing, all of which was too loud for Kylo’s half-awake state. He grunted and turned to stumble towards the fresher. 

A quick shave and mouth-rinsing later, and he felt semi-human again. He changed into some clean clothes – more Resistance-issue gear – and headed back outside. 

Chewie was under the _ Falcon, _inspecting it for any damage or wear that needed to be addressed. Kylo felt a pang: normally his father would be there, too, shouting random but specific instructions to Chewie about how to fix things, most of which Chewie either wisely ignored or amended as he did the necessary repairs. 

“I’m going to head up,” Kylo informed him. “I’m sure Luke’s realized we’re here by now anyway.” 

Chewbacca moaned an acknowledgement. Kylo lifted his eyes upwards, judging how long it would take him to climb the seemingly endless winding stairs that scaled the island. It was already afternoon thanks to his extended sleep, and the days were short on this part of the planet. He didn’t anticipate getting stuck in the dark halfway up the steps. He looked back at Chewie, but the Wookiee had already refocused his attention on his work. 

“Alright, then,” Kylo muttered to himself. “Let’s do this.” 

The hike up the cliffs took the better part of an hour, but Kylo found he didn’t mind. The exertion warmed his aching muscles and the breeze blowing off the waves below cooled the sweat on his skin. More significantly, his mind was distracted by the ebb and flow of the Force around him. 

It felt good to lose himself in it, unlike when Kira Ren had shattered his defenses, exposing him to a deluge of the Force. It had been too much all at once, unwanted and unwelcome. It had burned in his mind, eating at his sanity like acid as she had torn through his psyche. Here on the island, the Force was like a gentle massage, a soothing balm on his wounds. 

Until he remembered what he was here to do: find his missing uncle and drag him back to Leia, by force if necessary. 

“Kriffing hell,” he huffed as he crested the last of the lichen-adorned steps. He’d arrived at an ancient settlement, gray stones piled on top of each other to form primitive huts, weathered by the wind and rain. It appeared abandoned, the moss mottling the walls and roofs as if they had been untouched for ages. 

Cautiously, Kylo stepped into the center of the settlement, all his senses alert for danger. There was no movement or other signs of life, and Kylo grimaced. It was seeming more and more likely that he’d find Luke’s rotting corpse lying in a damp, dark corner somewhere. He checked the interiors of the first two huts he passed and they were empty. But the third hut had a door, made of an X-wing fuselage. 

Kylo braced himself and pushed through. The metal of the door shrieked across the stone, abnormally loud in the silence. 

There wasn’t a moldering skeleton clad in rotten rags sprawled across the floor like he’d briefly imagined. Instead, there was a bed, neatly made, a handcrafted table and chair, and several nooks filled with souvenirs and mementos – a few of which Kylo recognized as belonging to Luke. He stalked to the bed and ripped back the covers to feel the mattress: still warm. 

“You old coot.” 

Kylo charged outside, scanning around for Luke hiding behind a pile of stones, but his uncle was nowhere to be seen. He did, however, notice the stairs continuing higher on the crags above the settlement that he hadn’t seen before. Kylo strode up them, two at a time. 

He still couldn’t sense Luke with the Force, creating a nagging suspicion that grew in his mind. But Kylo had to rely on his other senses to track Luke which sufficiently distracted him until he reached the clifftop. 

A figure garbed in Jedi robes stood on the very edge, facing away from Kylo, but the silhouette was unmistakable. 

Kylo waited. A few of the orange and white birds that seemed to infest the island flew by, squawking. Still, Luke didn’t move. 

“I know you know I’m here,” Kylo called, and the man seemed to startle faintly. “This silent treatment is pathetic, even for you.” 

Luke’s shoulders sagged slightly as he turned to face Kylo, then said in a slightly hoarse voice, “I don’t have anything to say to you.” 

Kylo laughed. “I’m not here to chat about the good old days. Leia wants you with the Resistance.” 

“The Resistance? What did they do to your face? You look like shit.” 

Kylo’s eyes flashed. “And I have her permission to bring you by force, just so you know.” 

Luke looked slightly taken aback, but it was quickly replaced by impassivity. “I’m not leaving.” 

“You have one day to pack whatever you want and then we’re leaving in the morning.” Kylo turned back to the steps. 

“Why’d you come for me?” 

Kylo growled, facing him again. “I said. Leia sent me. And tell me something, _master_, why can’t I sense you in the Force?” 

Luke’s face grew even more grim, walking towards Kylo. “I’m not leaving this island.” 

Kylo reached out mentally for Luke once more, just to be sure, but all he felt where Luke was standing was nothing, an absence, a void. “You cut yourself off from the Force, didn’t you?” 

Luke’s eyes flickered with pain. 

“Unbelievable,” Kylo fumed. “All Skywalkers are just the same – failures and saboteurs and murderers and cowards.” 

It took him a moment, but Luke narrowed his eyes. “You...?” 

“Yes,” Kylo snapped. “But not anymore. _She _made sure of that.” 

Luke shrugged, his eyes glinting. “I guess in the millennia of history, I can’t be the only one to sever their connection with the Force.” 

Kylo just snarled, turned on his heel, and stomped back towards the stairs. 

“That’s it?” Luke yelled after him. “You just came just for that?” 

Kylo kept descending furiously, nearly slipping on the narrow steps and breaking his neck several times. He couldn’t quite explain to himself why it infuriated him so much to find that Luke had also cut himself off from the Force after that day at the Academy. But for some reason it made him feel powerless, and that on top of everything else that had happened was unbearable. 

Kylo heard Luke calling to him from high above but he ignored him all the way through the village and down to the _Falcon_. Chewbacca was waiting outside and growled at Kylo as he stormed past. 

“Forget it,” he snapped. “The old man’s not worth this.” 

He headed straight for the cockpit, intent on getting off the island as soon as humanly possible. He began the _Falcon’_s pre-flight checklist automatically, something that had been drilled into him since he was old enough to see the dashboard. He could hear Chewie approaching, probably with more questions. 

The communication system buzzed, alerting him of an incoming call. Kylo smashed the button to receive the holo. 

“What?” 

“Wow, did your mother never teach you to be polite?” The pilot smirked and ran his hand through his dark curls.

“Now’s not the time for humor, Dameron.” 

“How are things going down your way?” 

“Why’d you kriffing call, Dameron?” he intoned, flipping switches as Chewie came to stand behind him. 

“So, you know how I told you we were on the way to the new base? That I couldn’t tell you the location? Yeah, well, turns out it didn’t matter, because the First Order already knew.” 

Kylo kept flipping switches. 

“We don’t know how, but they’ve managed to track us. _Through hyperspace_. They know where we are, and they might know where you are, too.” 

Chewie stepped closer and Kylo halted his movements. “What do you mean?” 

“Weren’t you listening? They’ve tracked us through _hyperspace_.” Poe gestured at Kylo in exasperation. 

“How do you know?” Kylo demanded. “Did they attack you?” 

“No, not exactly.” 

Kylo glowered. 

“See, we noticed a First Order probe in the atmosphere before it disappeared, and there’s no reason why it would’ve been here unless they knew we were here.” 

“So they found you after you arrived.” 

“No, it was waiting for us. It got here _before_ us. And we’re sure there’s more - we just haven’t caught them yet.” 

Kylo sat back. 

“I just thought you should be warned. In case they’re after you, too.” 

Kylo groaned, catching his head in his hands. “Are you sure?” 

“I’m not one to prank call you – I'm already afraid of waking up with you standing over me with a knife to my throat.” Dameron grinned. “And by the way, I can’t talk long. All our communications are having to be relayed through the _Raddus_ because the ground array isn’t strong enough, and if we stay on here too long they’ll probably crack the encryption.”

“If they know where you are, how come they haven’t hit the base already?” 

“Our working theory is that they’re trying to get all of us in one spot before they make a move. Right now it’s just remote surveillance to make sure we stay tight.” 

“All of you?” 

“They’re trying to draw out our allies, hit us all at once.” 

“Kriff!” Kylo stomped his foot and stood abruptly, pacing away from the control panel. Chewie yipped at him, telling him to calm down. 

“You haven’t noticed anything unusual? Not picked up any unidentified objects in the area?” Dameron inquired, concern lacing his tone. 

“No.” He shook his head, tugging on his hair sharply until it hurt.

“Then stay put. We can’t have you bringing Skywalker back now. You’ll have to wait.” 

“Sorry, Dameron, I’m done.” 

Chewbacca growled in warning. 

“Done? What do you mean done?” Dameron accused. 

“Tell the General that someone else can be her errand boy.” 

“What? We still need -” 

Kylo didn’t get to hear the rest because he was yanked from his seat by a shockingly strong arm. 

Kylo yelled, “Chew-” 

“Kylo? Hey, I’m not done with you!” Dameron said to an empty cockpit. 

Kylo’s boots caught on a ridge in the floor and he stumbled over his feet, but Chewbacca kept dragging him, off the _Falcon_and into the sunshine and salt tang of the island. The Wookiee didn’t relent as he pulled him towards the stairs despite Kylo’s efforts to dig in his heels. Kylo tried to wrench his arm free only to have his shoulder nearly dislocated. 

“Stop! Hey, stop it!” Kylo shouted, startling a flock of the bird creatures. 

Chewbacca whipped Kylo around, pulling him close to roar in his face. Kylo jerked back as far as the Wookiee’s steely grip would let him, unable to do anything else until Chewie finished. Abruptly, the Wookiee turned and started dragging him up the stairs again. 

Kylo stopped struggling, letting Chewbacca manhandle him up the steps. Why, he wasn’t sure. He could fight harder, try to wrangle the Force to his defense. But he didn’t, even though the rough treatment broke all of his rules: anyone else who touched him like this would've been dead. 

But the world hadn’t been operating by his rules, he realized. It never had. And if Kylo’s world had been turned upside down, so had Chewie’s. Chewbacca had never acted so violently towards him, but that had been before Han had been murdered. 

Chewbacca didn’t slow until they arrived at the rustic village, and then he only hesitated a moment before finding the hut with the door. A bit of warped durasteel was nothing to an upset Wookiee. 

“What the hell?” Luke shouted when the door ricocheted off the wall. “Chewie, what are you doing here?” 

Chewbacca howled at him, then shoved Kylo into the room, picked up the door, and slammed it back in its frame, leaving the two Skywalkers trapped in the dim, mossy hut. 

Both Skywalker men stood in shock for a moment. 

“What did he just say?” Luke said, stunned. “Where’s Han?” 

“Forgotten how to speak Shryiiwook after a few years on a deserted island?” 

“Where’s your father?” 

Kylo experimentally pushed on the door, but as expected, it was wedged into the stone. Anyway, he didn’t really want to meet the enraged, grieving Wookiee right away. For once in his life he preferred the company of his uncle. 

“He’s dead,” Kylo admitted. His shoulders hunched, a subconscious attempt at melting into the floor. 

“Han’s dead,” Luke echoed.

“Like I said.” 

From the corner of his eye, Kylo saw Luke sit down on the edge of the bed pallet. 

“How long?” 

“A few days.” 

“Kriff.” Luke leaned back, his eyes closed. “Does Leia know?” 

“Of course she kriffing knows. She felt it the moment it happened.” 

After a moment, Luke blinked and met Kylo’s wary gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

Kylo scoffed. “What for? She killed him, not you. You weren’t even there.” 

Luke pressed his lips together. “She? Who?” 

“Who do you _kriffing_ think?” Kylo snapped, his voice rising. He flung out a hand and blasted the makeshift door to pieces with a metallic shriek, scattering bits of it across the cobblestone square as he stormed out of Luke’s hut. 

Chewbacca had disappeared, along with the rest of the sunset. 

“I’m not leaving the island!” Luke shouted after Kylo. 

“I don’t give a damn!” 

The light on the stairs leading down to the _Falcon_ was dim and faint, so Kylo raged to the far side of the settlement, startling a pair of avian creatures from a ledge overlooking a cliff into darkness. 

Kylo screamed across the abyss. The island’s Force energy was a twisted river of Light and Dark, and Kylo tugged on the Darkness, drawing it to himself. He stood straight, his face lifted, fists clenched at his sides. 

Luke was no different than he was five years ago – rather, he was worse. The man had never been what an uncle should. He should just kill him now, give in to everything that he was feeling and had felt before Rey had become Kira. 

Why had he resisted for so long? It was the obvious choice. 

He’d already done it once when he faced Kira Ren in the forest on Starkiller. It had been easy, natural.

A boulder nearby shattered, cracking under the strain of his anger. Kylo wheeled around, ready to slaughter everything and everyone in his path. 

He hadn’t noticed Chewbacca come up behind him, so consumed by his own thoughts and emotions. 

Chewie growled, looming over him in the twilight. 

“Get out of my way,” Kylo hissed. 

Chewbacca repeated himself calmly. 

“I’m done with this,” Kylo spit. The Darkness scorched through his bones. “Now, _move_.” 

Chewie stepped aside slowly as Kylo watched with burning eyes. 

“I’m sorry it came to this,” Kylo said, stalking forward. 

All that rage and anger and Darkness went out like a match when Chewie hit him over the head with the force of a small speeder. 

~---~

Kylo’s head throbbed. 

Headaches had been a regular part of his life for as long as he could remember – a lifestyle of sleep deprivation, stress, and dehydration ensured he had some level of ache in his skull almost constantly. 

This all-consuming throbbing was a bit more unusual. 

He cracked open his eyes, blinking rapidly in the sunlight. Kylo covered his eyes with a hand. Even that movement caused a flare of pain in his head. Despite the acuity of the Force on the island, his connection to it felt distant and fuzzy. 

Kylo pushed himself upwards from the stone bench with a long groan. He kept his eyes shut, rubbing his hands over his forehead and through his hair. 

“Ah,” Kylo flinched, his fingers probing the bruise again. It took him a second to recall how Chewie bludgeoned him to prevent him from doing something drastic. When he did remember, Kylo winced again. Instead of going on a Dark-Side-fueled galactic rampage, he ended up sleeping on a rock in one of the huts in the ancient village. 

What a night. 

It was quiet, at least. He couldn’t hear any of the avian creatures screeching, which he deeply appreciated. Instead, all he heard was a strange rippling, like the surface of a lake smoothing into a crystal mirror.

He wasn’t quite alone. 

Kylo’s eyes flew open, suddenly alert. He swept the room, his gaze locking with hers. 

Kira Ren stared back unmasked, leaning a hand against the wall, his parting gift to her an inflamed line of dark synthskin across her face. 

Kylo’s head throbbed once before the feeling vanished, leaving him with a sense of clarity and gravity. She was really there, watching him. 

His pulse thrummed in his fingertips, roaring in his ears. How she had found him, he didn’t know, and he didn’t care. 

Kylo raised his hand, lifting a crumbling rock telekinetically and throwing it at her with malice. Kira Ren jerked as it struck her and shattered against the wall. 

The shards and dust fell to the floor, their clatter muffled. Kylo gaped. Where Ren had just been was nothing but the stone wall. 

Chewie must have hit him harder than he thought. 

But no, the noise was still gone, as if Kylo sat in a vacuum. He was breathing in oxygen-rich air, yet the sound of his exhale echoed strangely. 

She was still with him. 

Kylo stood, drawn by a current of the Force that guided him outside. He found her walking slowly towards him between two huts. She seemed confused, searching. When she saw him, Kira halted. 

The strong sunlight washed out the dark colors she wore and cast her skin in a pallid light. Ren still leaned against a wall, though she straightened as she observed his aggressive stance. 

“You are going to pay for what you did!” Kylo spat, summoning another chunk of stone to his hand. His preferred weapons were down in the _Falcon_, but this would do just fine. 

Ren’s eyes wandered, focused beyond him before coming back to his with a quizzical light. “You couldn’t do this. The effort would kill you.” 

“You think I can’t kill you? I would have already if I’d had the chance.” 

“Not that,” she said in weary exasperation. “Can you see my surroundings?” 

“I’ll kill you, I swear it.” 

“I can’t see yours,” she continued, frowning. Her head tilted. “Just you.” 

Kylo hefted the rock, his muscles tensing. 

“That didn’t work last time,” she sighed. “And you’re going to try again?” 

Kylo stopped. It hadn’t worked before. In fact, she had vanished and reappeared elsewhere – which was impossible. Unless he was hallucinating, but something deep within him knew that this was very real. The way the Force flowed between them and around them, like they were the only two people in a bubble, a microcosm of the Force, while the universe rotated around them. 

“What is this?” he demanded. “What did you do?” 

“Not this,” Kira answered. She turned away slightly and grimaced, touching a hand to her side and drawing Kylo's eyes there. He couldn’t see the ugly wound she'd had on Starkiller Base, only the slice across her neck and face, sutured closed. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Luke hollered, marching over from the far side of the settlement. Kylo flinched but didn’t turn. The Force still kept him close, focused on her like they were the only ones in the room. Everything else had fallen away. 

“Where are you?” Kira Ren wondered, moving closer. “Who’s there?” 

Kylo raised his chin and glowered, his spine stiff. 

“You’ve found him, haven’t you?” Her eyes sharpened, clearer than they’d been since this had begun. “You’re with Skywalker.” 

“You have no right to come here and destroy my home,” Luke shouted. 

“That’s why you’re so angry. I can feel it so clearly.” Kira stopped in front of him, he could see the loose strands of hair falling from her sloppy braid, the hollows under her eyes, the sickly pallor of her skin. 

“This anger,” Kylo fumed, “is yours.” 

“Are you listening to me?” Luke exploded, closer now. 

Kylo wheeled on him, furious. “Leave me _the hell_ alone.” 

“_ You _came to _me_.” Luke halted a few meters away, his arms crossed. The old man was baiting him, Kylo knew it.

“That was a mistake.” 

“Who were you talking to?” Luke demanded. 

Kylo glanced reflexively over his shoulder, but he knew before he looked that she was gone, along with the potent feeling of connection through the Force. 

“What does it matter to you?” 

“It doesn’t.” 

Kylo scoffed. “We’re leaving. Enjoy rotting on this rock alone.” 

He stepped around Luke, intent on finding Chewbacca and jetting off this planet forever. 

“Chewie told me what happened,” Luke called after him. “All of it.” 

Kylo kept moving, dismissing Luke’s taunt with squeeze of his fist. 

“He said it was her. Kira Ren is Rey, isn’t she? She killed Han.” 

Kylo paused. “Yes,” he grated out. “Satisfied?” 

“Would you believe me if I said no?” 

Kylo turned. “I thought you wanted me to leave.” 

“She’s going to kill you if you leave now.” 

“I’m not in this fight. The Resistance and the First Order can go to hell, along with you.” 

Luke huffed. “Don’t be an idiot. She’s fixated on you, and she’s not going to stop until she hunts you down.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! First Force bond scene - what did you think? I love to hear your thoughts, so hit me up in the comments and leave a kudos!
> 
> Update will be in two weeks... :)


	4. 4th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta, [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com), for pushing me to be a better writer every chapter
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Rose Tico frowned, looking over the code one more time. Her eyes stung from staring at the datapad’s screen for so many hours. “Hey, Paige?” 

From the lower bunk, Paige Tico groaned and rolled over, pulling the blanket up to her chin. She grimaced, cringing as the red dust that permeated everything on Crait rasped against her skin. 

“What? It’s too early.” 

“Never mind that. I think I may have figured it out.” 

“That’s nice.” Paige turned back to her original position, the bunk shaking slightly with her movements. Rose gripped the side and leaned over, staring into the darkness where she knew Paige was. 

“No, seriously. I cracked the hyperspace tracker. I think I know how to get us out.” 

Paige moaned. “I really just want one night of uninterrupted sleep. Is that too much to ask?” 

“Shhhh,” someone hissed from across the dark bunkroom. 

“Quit whining,” Rose muttered, shuffling around until her legs hung over the side then dropping to the floor. “Get up. We need to tell someone about this.” 

“Oh my – fine. Fine, fine.” Paige sat on the edge of her bed and pulled on her boots. “Let’s at least give everyone else a chance at some sleep.” 

The sisters stumbled out into the corridor, blinking in the harsh light. 

“Shut the door!” Someone hollered from in the bunkroom. 

“Quit whining,” Paige snapped, slamming the switch for the door. She turned and found Rose already wandering down the corridor, eyes still glued to the datapad. 

“Alright, Rose.” 

“Huh?” 

“Show me what you wanted to show me.” 

Rose and Paige found their way to the mess hall, where only a few lights shone to conserve energy and spare the ancient generators. Paige sat down across from Rose and began to listen as her sister explained how the First Order had tracked them through hyperspace. 

A few minutes later, Paige blinked. “I understood about five percent of what you just said.”

Rose frowned, tilting the datapad back towards herself. “Sorry, I tried to simplify it.” 

“Yeah, I know you did. You’re just a genius codebreaker,” Paige said matter-of-factly. 

Rose beamed. “Thanks.” 

“We should get this to someone who can do something with it, and quickly,” Paige continued. “You think you can explain how you figured out the hyperspace tracker to someone in command so they’ll understand?” 

“Sure.” Rose squinted into the middle distance. “I think so. Yes?” 

“I know you can.” Paige reached across the table and squeezed Rose’s wrists. “You’ll be the one to save the Resistance and get us off Crait without the First Order even knowing what they missed.” 

“Did someone say something about getting off this salt rock?” 

The Tico sisters startled, turning to find Poe Dameron sauntering towards them. 

“Because if you know a way off this planet, please, I beg you, take me with you,” he finished, throwing himself on the bench beside Paige. Rose gaped. 

“What are you doing up, Dameron?” Paige queried, subtly shifting further away from him. 

“Well, I was bored, you know. Being a pilot is only good if you can fly things, which is apparently not allowed while the fleet is grounded until we figure out a way to give the First Order trackers the slip. And because there’s nothing better to do, I decided to get something to eat. Then I remembered there’s nothing to eat, because food’s rationed until we can get supplies in – again without the First Order knowing – and then I figured I could at least go sit in the mess hall and imagine what I would like to eat if I could.” 

Rose’s expression of awe hadn’t changed, but Paige rolled her eyes. “Dameron, you need to learn to _wait_ and _be patient_.” 

“I’m like thirty years old, and I’ve gotten this far without being patient. Don’t think I need to start now.” He leaned forward, a shit-eating grin on his face. “So, what were you two talking about? Something about the First Order’s hyperspace tracker?” 

Paige sighed, then glanced at Rose. “Might as well try to explain it to him. If he can get it, then anyone can.” 

Rose gulped. “Alright. Okay. Sure.” 

“I think there was an insult in there, but go ahead, hit me with it,” Poe said, locking his eyes on the younger Tico. “I’m all ears. You’re Rose, right?” 

“Yeah,” Rose answered quietly. Paige frowned. Poe knew her because she crewed on a bomber, but outside of central command and the other pilots, Poe didn’t really know the mechanics or technicians. 

Still, Rose squared her shoulders and started to explain how she’d cracked the coded transmissions from the First Order’s cloaked satellites in orbit over Crait, how she’d sorted the massive amounts of data they were gathering to pinpoint and triangulate every vehicle in the Resistance’s fleet, and how she’d deduced that the data theoretically could be used to predict the hyperspace flight plan of any ship with the help of a massive supercomputer. 

“They likely have the Empire’s datamine archived, as well as much of the New and Old Republic’s records, which probably includes a good amount of the Rebellion’s intel. All it would take is an insanely complex algorithm and a computer with a massive capacity, and they’d know exactly where we were headed, even if they didn’t know about the Rebellion’s old base on Crait. It’s just really high-tech, advanced guesswork,” Rose finished. 

“So if I understood any of that,” Poe mused, “basically they know what we’re going to do before we do it.” 

“With a decent margin for error, sure,” Rose added. 

“Uh huh,” Poe said. “Wow, that’s... a lot.” 

“Yeah,” Rose said. “So, do you think Command can do something with this?” 

“Oh, yes, definitely.” Poe stood up. “Don’t worry, ladies, I’m on it.” 

“Sorry if that doesn’t reassure me,” Paige interjected. “I think Rose should be the one to present and explain it to them.” 

“Oh, sure, you can tell them all the technical bits,” Poe said. “I’ll just set up the meeting, this morning as soon as everyone’s up.” Poe grinned. “And before you know it, we’ll be off this planet without the First Order having any idea we’re gone and I’ll be eating pannacakes to my heart’s content.” 

~---~ 

Kylo watched as Luke ladled out some pungent fish stew into a bowl. When he saw Kylo staring, he lifted the bowl towards him. 

“Want some?” Luke asked. 

“No.” 

“Suit yourself.” Luke sat down on the far side of the cooking fire, its pale flames almost invisible in the morning sunlight. 

The brisk breeze was damp and the fire didn’t give off much heat. Kylo hunkered down, wrapping a woolly blanket more tightly around his shoulders. Luke didn’t seem to mind, probably acclimated to the chill humidity. 

Only once he had scraped the bowl clean thoroughly, his spoon rasping on the inside of the earthenware slowly and methodically, did Luke speak again. 

“Han was my best friend.” 

Kylo kept his eyes fixed on the meager flames. 

“I’m sorry he had to die like that.” 

“It was relatively quick,” Kylo muttered. “He wasn’t in pain for long.” 

“Hmm.” 

Kylo looked away from the fire towards the rolling sea stretching to the horizon, waves glinting in the early morning light. “Why did you do it?” 

“I’ve done a lot of -” 

“Shut up and let me finish.” 

Luke sat back, blue eyes glowering through his grizzled hair and beard, but let Kylo finish his thought. 

“With Vader. Why did you go to him and try to redeem him? Everyone told you it was pointless.” 

Luke cleared his throat and took a swig of the herbal brew from the mug in his hand. “Honestly, I was young, idealistic, naïve, stubborn. Essentially, I was an idiot. I surrendered to Vader and I should’ve died. It was only because in the last second he decided he wanted me to live and not the Emperor. It wasn’t anything I did that determined my survival or his redemption.” 

Kylo looked back to Luke. “So you’re saying that defeating the Emperor was a fluke.” 

Luke took another sip from his mug, frowned, and tossed the liquid out over his shoulder. “Basically, yes.” 

“You don’t think Vader was conflicted?” 

“Maybe. I sure thought so then. But he was dying, and that tends to change a person’s view on things.” Luke sighed. “You’re thinking of Rey, aren’t you?” 

“She’s Kira Ren now,” Kylo muttered through the helpless rage writhing in his chest and out through his limbs like molten stone. 

“History repeats itself. I don’t doubt that if Vader had lived, he would have asked me to join him in the Dark Side again. ” 

“She betrayed me,” Kylo pronounced, leaning back, hands on his thighs. “She’s dead to me after what she did.” He bit the inside of his cheek, remembering her face earlier that morning when she’d mysteriously appeared: exhausted, haunted, passive. 

“It’s harder with her,” Luke mused, continuing as though Kylo hadn’t spoken. “Teaching her as she grew up, trying so hard to protect her. Just shows the Darkness was there all along, waiting to emerge. All it needed was a trigger. Both she and Anakin succumbed in the end.” 

“A trigger?” Kylo asked. 

Luke just looked at him, then laughed. Kylo ground his teeth. 

“Tell me, how did you get away from Kira Ren?” Luke queried. “I may have cut myself off from the Force, but I can still tell a Darksider when I see one. You gave in, didn’t you? Used the Dark to best her?” Luke shook his head. “You would’ve been better off staying like me, without the Force. Giving in to it was your mistake.” He stood, leaving the bowl for the avian creatures – porgs, Luke had called them – to clean out. 

“She overpowered me. It wasn’t my choice.” 

“Wasn’t it?” Luke walked to the front of his hut and picked up a pair of waterskins from the ground and a long staff. “It’s not the first time you’ve failed.” 

“Whatever, old man,” Kylo shouted, already storming away. 

“The Dark Side always wins,” Luke called after Kylo’s retreating back. “Just accept it and things will be much simpler.” 

Kylo scoffed to himself. If only Luke had been so forthcoming while he’d been their master at the Jedi Academy on Alaris Prime, things might have been much different. 

His feet took him out of the ancient settlement, guiding him onto a narrow track that clung to the side of the island’s peak. Wispy shreds of cloud scudded across the sky, heralding the dense fog bank rolling across the water towards the island. Kylo felt prickles run over his arms, the damp air penetrating his thick layers to chill his skin. It was going to rain soon; he could smell it in the air. 

He was trapped. Physically, he could pick up and hightail it to Wild Space – assuming Chewie would let him take the _Falcon_. Realistically, he knew Luke was right. Kira Ren wouldn’t let him go, not after everything. 

He could join Luke, banish the Force from his mind again, cower on this island until he became an old man and tottered off one of the many cliffs. Kylo snorted. Besides the obvious fact that he or Luke would strangle each other before that point, there was no way that Kylo could exorcise the Force from himself again. 

He had only been able to do that the first time because of his grief at Rey’s fall to the Dark. Now that he could feel the Force again, it was uncomfortable, but he felt alive again in a way he hadn’t for over four years. And the island spoke to him, drawing him in with the quiet flow of light and dark, life and death, warmth and cold. 

Kylo wouldn’t let himself acknowledge it yet, but he knew he couldn’t escape his calling anymore. What that calling was, he didn’t know. It was as dim and shrouded as the island was, enveloped in thick fog. 

It began to rain, at first light sprinkles that quickly morphed to fat drops. In his current situation, Kylo didn’t care if he got hypothermia, but when it became difficult to see the path through the sheets of rain, he pressed himself under an overhang in the rock. 

Kylo heard it this time, the wave building and rising, only to vanish before it crested, leaving echoing silence in its place. 

Kira Ren stood with her back to him a few meters up the path he’d just walked. Her head lifted and she turned, meeting his eyes. 

He jutted his chin. “Murderer.” 

Kira stared back with a flat look. “I could say the same to you.” 

“Why do you keep harassing me?” Kylo demanded, ignoring the water dripping from his hair down his back. 

“I’m not doing this,” Kira objected. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t enjoy my pain. If you could have me right now, I’d be in some First Order holding cell.” 

“I don’t have interest in hypotheticals,” she said. She cocked her head. “Where are you?” He glowered as she came closer, analyzing him with a shrewd eye. “Bitterness. Resentment. Frustration. I can sense Skywalker on you. You really have found him, haven’t you?” 

“Yes, you’ve failed. I’ve found Luke.” 

She smirked and took another step towards him. “Excellent. You can kill him for me. I know you want to; I’m surprised you haven’t already.” 

“Don’t. Don’t attempt humor with me.” 

Her face shuttered. “You don’t know.” 

“What don’t I know?” 

“Did Skywalker tell you what happened that night?” 

“What?” 

“I know you, _Ben Solo_. Don’t pretend you haven’t obsessed over that night every day for the past four years.” 

Kira was close enough now that she had to look up to glare into his face. For just a moment, Kylo could smell the staleness of recycled air cutting through the petrichor of the island. 

“Ask him,” she commanded, the scar on her face stretching tight. “Ask Skywalker what happened at the Academy.” 

“I don’t owe _you _anything.” 

“Quit hiding from the truth,” she snapped, her fury causing him to press back against the rock face. “You just want to run away from reality and pretend that _this_ doesn’t exist.” 

“No -” 

“You can’t escape it. You can’t escape _me_.” 

She vanished, same as before, leaving him stunned and empty, awash in the sounds of ocean tide. 

~---~ 

“I’ve called you all here for a reason,” Poe intoned, staring out the window to the salt flats that extended beyond the base’s fortifications. Behind him, Paige, Rose, and Kaydel Ko Connix exchanged glances. 

“This isn’t the meeting you said you’d get us,” Paige said, standing next to the crate where Rose sat. “You said you’d get us to the Resistance leadership.” 

“And I did,” Poe exclaimed, turning to face them in the abandoned munitions closet. “Well, sort of. Kaydel is the General’s attaché. The General’s kind of busy with things –” 

“You mean she was tired of you pestering her all the time,” Kaydel corrected, sitting across from Rose. 

“No, she’s busy,” Poe pushed on, “and I figured Kay here is one step closer to getting this plan approved.” 

“Stop, hold it.” Paige raised a hand. “What plan? Also, I thought you were close to the General.” 

“I am,” Poe said. “But she’s busy.” 

“Okay, sure.” Paige turned to Kaydel. “What’s really going on?” 

Kaydel started to speak, but just then Finn hobbled into the room. 

“Finn!” Poe said. “You made it!” 

“Why am I here?” Finn asked, rubbing his eyes, confused why Poe had torn him away from a perfectly good nap. He still felt exhausted, although the bandages on his head and the sling on his arm was largely ornamental. He was mostly healed from his encounter with Kira Ren, but it would be a few more days before he felt truly up to par and the doctor had warned him that the range of motion in his arm might never fully recover. 

“I’m going to explain everything,” Poe said, turning to face them. “Mostly. I have a way that we can escape the First Order’s surveillance. Oh, this is Paige, Kaydel, and Rose.” 

Finn acknowledged Rose and Paige, who were clearly related, and nodded at Kaydel, who he remembered from Takodana. “Why haven’t you brought this escape plan to the General?” he asked Poe. 

“I did. Well, tried to. This morning,” Poe said. 

“So you keep saying,” Paige prompted. “And?” 

“She said Rose’s analysis wasn’t enough to go on and we need to wait till we get more confirmation,” Poe admitted. 

“Oh, no. I know that look,” Paige said. “Poe, you need to listen to the General.” 

“She didn’t order me to do anything,” Poe said. “Which is why we have to do something before the First Order figures out we’re onto them and decides to smash us anyway.” 

“And they will,” Finn added. Beside him, BB-8 bumped into his shin, herding him towards a crate next to Rose and backing him into it until he sat down. Finn was almost sure BB-8 was monitoring his vitals at Poe’s request, so at least the pilot was aware on some level that Finn wasn’t at full strength. “They get suspicious very quickly.” 

“My point exactly.” Poe began to pace. “We need to take advantage of this information before we lose our lead.” 

“I’m sorry, what’s this information Rose has?” Finn said. 

“Based on the data from the surveillance satellites or something, we know how the First Order is tracking us through hyperspace,” Poe said. 

“It’s a working theory,” Rose spoke up, cradling her datapad closely. 

“Right, sure, but it makes a lot of sense to me,” Poe declared. Paige snorted quietly. 

Finn frowned. “How long is it going to take for them to do something? The First Order leadership will be impatient especially after the Resistance destroyed Starkiller Base. It’s already been a week.” 

“Exactly,” Poe exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the room. “That’s why I need your help.” 

“Save us,” Paige muttered. Rose glanced at her sister, biting her lip with deepening lines between her eyes. 

“Rose is our codebreaker, and she’ll get us into the First Order’s system and shut down the hyperspace tracker. Finn is our internal asset who knows how to get us to a Star Destroyer’s computer access point undetected. Kaydel’s gonna cover for us here with the Resistance and keep us updated on what’s going on. Paige will go along to keep our escape route open.” 

“You’re forgetting something,” Paige said. “Theoretically, how would we get off Crait without the First Order or the rest of the Resistance knowing?” 

“I know someone who has an unregistered freighter,” Poe assured. 

“Well _that’s _very specific and comforting. And who are you supposed to be in this plan?” Paige put her hands on her hips, her chin high. 

“I’m the coordinator.” Poe flashed a grin, bouncing a little on his heels. “Making the impossible possible.” 

Rose giggled, pausing when she saw Paige’s frown. “Sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“No worries.” Poe waved a hand. “So, you all in?” 

The others sat in silence, obviously reluctant to agree to something so vague and half-cocked. BB-8 wobbled in place, looking between each of their faces eagerly. 

“Come on. Anyone?” 

“I’ll do it.” Rose and Finn spoke at the same time, startling each other. 

Rose turned to Paige. “We have to do this. You always tell me that a hero is someone who keeps going in the face of insurmountable odds. We can’t give up now.” 

“There’s a distinct difference between being a hero and being an idiot. Poe’s idea will get us all killed and endanger everyone else,” Paige returned, staring at Poe as she spoke. 

“Finn said we don’t have time to figure out an alternative to save the Resistance. That’s why he agreed to go,” Rose insisted. “Isn’t that right?” 

Finn straightened and glanced at BB-8, who looked up at him hopefully, before meeting Rose’s eyes. “Uh, yeah, sure. We have to do something, otherwise we’re all dead.” 

Paige narrowed her eyes at him, but Finn clamped his jaw shut and stared back. 

“Paige, you know I can do this and I trust you all to get me on that Star Destroyer safely,” Rose pleaded. “This is why the Resistance needed me and why I joined, so I could use my code slicing to help fight the First Order. I have to do this!” 

Paige glared at Poe, then sighed. “Kaydel?” 

“I don’t like it, but I think it’s the best option we have right now,” Kaydel offered. 

“Fine,” Paige conceded. “Poe, if you can get Kylo to agree to this, we’ll do it.” 

“Great! I’ll go contact him now. Just be ready to head out when I say.” 

There was a shuffle as everyone stood and left the dusty room to go back to their various stations and quarters. 

“Looks like we’ve got a mission, Beebee-Ate!” Poe cheered. BB-8 whistled excitedly. 

“Poe.” 

Poe turned to find Paige in the doorway, hands on her hips. 

“I think this whole idea is idiotic,” Paige said. 

Poe opened his mouth, but she held up a hand. 

“Let me finish. If this mission even gets off the ground, it’s dangerous, fool-hardy, and doomed.” She sighed. “But Rose believes in it. She believes in the Resistance, and she believes you when you say this will work.” 

“I -” 

“Stars, just shut up for a minute. It won’t kill you.” She stuck a finger in his face. “Rose usually ends up being right, because she’s smart, a lot smarter than you or anyone else gives her credit for. But she’s also trusting to a fault. And I’ll be damned if that gets her killed.” 

Poe opened and shut his mouth, not sure if she was finished. She wasn’t. 

“She’s all the family I have left. Swear to me that you’ll protect her life at all costs.” 

“Of course, I swear.” 

“Even if the Resistance is going to be destroyed?” 

Poe swallowed, looking into the dark intensity of Paige’s eyes. “I swear. On my mother’s grave.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another Force Bond scene! What did you think? Leave a kudos or comment - I always love your feedback!
> 
> Anyone watching The Mandalorian on Tuesday?
> 
> Next update in two weeks :)


	5. 5th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my marvelous beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for making this a chapter worth reading
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Finn paced back and forth, head in his hands, breathing deeply. Reaching a wall, he halted with a stomp of his boots and exhaled, rubbing his face. He pushed on his temples with the heels of his hands, hard enough to hurt. But the quivering frantic energy didn’t abate, his chest still as tight as before. Taking another deep breath, he returned to pacing until his boot caught a piece of crystallized salt and started kicking it against the wall, again and again, until it turned to powder. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Finn nearly jumped out of his skin, whirling around in surprise, automatically falling into a defensive stance. The vanishing smile on Rose’s face told him that she had seen it. 

“I don’t know, actually,” Finn shrugged, trying to nonchalantly return to a less aggressive position, rubbing at the ache in his shoulder as he looked at Rose. He took in a shuddering breath. “Nothing, I guess.” 

He had hoped to hide the fact he was having a minor anxiety attack, but looking at Rose he almost felt like she could see his thoughts: imagining the First Order decimating the Resistance on Crait and dragging him back to be reconditioned until his mind dissolved. His fight or flight instinct was firmly set on flight, but there was no way for him to leave. Instead, he had found a room further into the caves to get away from everyone. Everyone except Rose, apparently.

“Well, okay then. Doing nothing, huh?” She stepped past Finn towards the bank of consoles that filled the dingy room. 

He grimaced. “I know. I kind of hate it.” 

“Are you... supposed to be doing something?” She plugged a generator into a console and sat down in front it, waiting for it to boot up. 

“I don’t know that either. They don’t know what to do with me.” He made to follow her, then stopped himself. “It’s cold in here.” 

“It’s cold everywhere. You should find a thicker jacket.” 

Finn looked down at Poe’s flight jacket that the pilot had yet to reclaim. “Huh.” 

“Are you just going to stand there or...” Rose drifted off, raising an eyebrow.

Finn wrinkled his brow, jabbing a thumb at the doorway. “You want me to leave?” 

“I’m kind of in the middle of something,” Rose explained. “People and conversations kind of distract me.” 

“Oh, yeah, sure, sorry.” 

“Un-unless you’d like to see? I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude,” she gestured apologetically, “I’m just not used to doing talking with Resistance heroes.” She frowned. “Doing talking?” 

“Oh, no worries. You’re doing important work, I’m sure. I’ll just leave you to it.” Finn turned to leave, startling the vulptex that was hiding in the corner. 

The crystal-furred canine yipped and darted out the door. Finn yelped, stumbling back as it slipped between him and the wall. His boots knocked into the generator plugged into the console and he landed hard on his back, spewing curses. 

Rose jumped to her feet and stared down at him as he lay in the fine salt powder that covered everything on Crait. 

“I’d ask if you were alright, but I think if you can manage that much profanity you’re probably fine,” Rose smiled. 

“Sorry,” Finn said shakily. “It scared me a bit.” 

“You scared it more. It thought you were trapping it in that corner.” 

Finn took Rose’s proffered hand and sat up. “Well, I didn’t even know it was there. You could’ve given me a heads up.” 

Rose brushed white powder from his jacket. “They’re all over the base.” 

Finn swallowed. "Yeah, I’ve noticed. In the First Order, they generally didn’t allow animals to infest a military base.” 

Rose sat back on her seat and shot him a look. “The Resistance respects both people and animals.” 

Finn stood awkwardly, dusting himself off. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“You did. But that’s okay. You’re used to the whole us versus them thing. That’s what they teach you, right?” 

He looked up, his eyes wide. While everyone here was excited that he was a defected stormtrooper and eager for the information he could provide, no one had stopped to ask him about his life, past or present, or how he was coping. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “You were always the bad guy.” 

Rose offered him a smile. “I’m from Hays Minor. I grew up in a First Order internment camp.” 

Finn winced. “I’m sorry.” 

She shrugged. “It’s not your fault. You were just as much a prisoner as I was, but we got free. That’s what Paige said.” 

“Paige?” 

“My sister?” Rose said accusingly. “You met her at the meeting yesterday?” 

“Oh, right,” Finn said. “She doesn’t really like Poe’s plan, does she?” 

“She doesn’t really like Poe,” Rose corrected. 

“Ah.” 

“I mean, she does, because he’s a hero, you know. Well, sort of. He helped find the map to Luke Skywalker! But she says that he’s kind of dumb sometimes, and this is one of them.” 

“Oh.” 

“But you! You’re a real hero. Even Paige agrees with that. I mean, you saved the entire Resistance!” 

Finn hemmed and hawed, twisting the edge of his jacket between his fingers. 

“So you’re like our guy on the inside, right?” Rose continued excitedly. 

“I guess.” 

“Or used-to-be-inside-now-outside guy, really.” 

“Uh, sure.” 

“Do you know code at all?” 

“They didn’t want us to know any of that. So, no.” 

“Oh,” said Rose, nodding. “Makes sense.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll still be helpful because you know all kinds of stuff, right? I can explain what I’m doing just so, well, I don’t know. But if you want to, you can, you know, sit, and watch, I guess?” 

Finn nodded. “Sure. I can do that.” 

~---~ 

There were places aboard the _Supremacy_that most sane personnel avoided at all costs. 

The obvious one was Snoke’s throne room. The best-case scenario for being summoned to stand before the Supreme Leader was utter humiliation. The worst-case scenario was an excruciating death. 

The second place was the reconditioning center on the lower levels, next door to the detention and interrogation sector. No one really spoke of what happened to the soldiers who went in there, but they always came back changed, the light in their eyes gone for good. 

The third place was the facilities dedicated for the sole use of the Knights of Ren. Most of the time, their quarters were unoccupied, their training rooms and lounges empty as they were often away on assignment from the Master of the Ren. Sometimes one or two would be in residence, recovering from a secret mission or receiving instruction from Snoke. Occasionally, Kira Ren would be on board, and the entire crew lived in fear of her penchant for silently appearing like a wraith in dark corridors or emerging abruptly from turbolifts. 

But it was entirely unheard of that all six Knights and their Master would ever be together in one place, except on the battlefield. 

And yet, they were. 

Silyana Ren didn’t like it much. 

“I’m bored,” Akkerd Ren said. 

Silyana let the datapad she’d been trying to read fall to the table with a thunk. “We’re not here for your entertainment.” 

The brawny Zabrak looked up from polishing his daggers to shoot Silyana a glare. “Calm down. That was an invitation for target practice, not a declaration of actual boredom.” 

“Someone is not in control of their temper.” Chaq’s red eyes glowed as she strolled into the lounge. “I’ll accept your offer, Akkerd.” 

Akkerd stood, sliding the daggers back into their various sheaths. “Anyone else?” 

Dorrit, lying on a divan with a hand over his eyes, spoke up. “Pass. Just shut up and leave.” 

“You know there’s drugs that would fix that headache,” Akkerd hinted. "Might improve your mood."

He lifted the hand. “Are you suggesting that I poison you? Because that would definitely do the trick.” 

“You could try,” Akkerd dared, nodding at Chaq. They left together, his steps heavy and powerful, hers light and stealthy. 

Dorrit growled. “No one speak to me, please.” 

“You could always go to your own room,” Ymiré suggested from where she was similarly sprawled across the rug. 

“That’s too easy,” Dorrit said, his hand flopping over his eyes again. 

Silyana heaved a silent sigh. The Knights didn’t take well to waiting and inactivity. 

The portside door to the lounge slid open, allowing Tirian Ren to enter. He observed Dorrit and Ymiré lolling on their backs and smirked before moving to join Silyana at the table. 

“Don’t be so quick to judge,” she said, swiping a finger over the datapad. “If you’d been stuck in here all day, you’d be a little brain-dead too.” 

Tirian chuckled. “But I wouldn’t be lying on the floor, limbs akimbo like some scruffy street urchin.” 

Silyana’s face hardened. “No, you’d be sitting stiff in your room plugged into the wall like some emotionless droid.” 

Tirian raised an eyebrow. 

“People might like you more if you remembered who you’re talking to,” Silyana advised archly, slouching back in her seat. 

“I don’t need your favor.” 

“My favor? Who says that?” 

“Me, apparently.” 

“Oh, please.” Silyana shook herself, her lip curled in mild disgust. 

“Are you two going to keep talking?” Dorrit inquired. 

“Yup,” Silyana answered. 

Dorrit sighed. “Ymiré. I heard your stomach growl ten minutes ago. Join me in the mess hall?” 

“Help me up?” Ymiré asked, extending a hand above her. Dorrit groaned, leveraging himself off the couch and pulling Ymiré to her feet. 

Silyana watched them go, bemused. Sometimes she couldn’t fathom why the galaxy lived in such fear of the Ren. “What did you come in here for anyway?” she said to Tirian. 

“I’ve spoken with Hux.” 

She turned sharp eyes to Tirian. “How’d that go?” 

“Not well.” He grimaced. “Seems the fall of Starkiller Base rattled him more than he cares to admit.” 

“Even to his best bud?” Silyana jibbed. 

“We’re not friends,” Tirian replied. “I just prefer that he believes me to be on his side.” 

“So I’ve noticed.” 

Tirian threw her a glare. “You will not say it, but I can sense your insincerity.” 

She raised her eyebrows. 

Tirian leaned over the table. “You should never doubt me. My loyalty, like all the Ren, belongs to Kira and Kira alone.” 

Silyana let the silence hang for a moment. “I know that. But you might want to work on making sure Kira knows it.” 

“She knows that my efforts with Hux are only to keep him close. She assigned me this task herself.” 

“But these sorts of things can become slippery real quick. We all were loyal to Luke Skywalker at one time, and that changed.” 

Tirian laughed. “Don’t kid me. You were never loyal to Skywalker.” 

Silyana crossed her legs at the ankle. “Guilty.” 

Tirian snorted. “I thought as much.” 

“Hey, don’t get distracted. I’m giving you a warning. Recent events have made her... unstable. More than usual. Just be clear and open about whose side you’re on so you don’t end up with a lightsaber in your back.” 

“Your concern is noted.” 

Silyana rolled her eyes. “So, what about Hux?” 

“Much worse than our Master,” Tirian reported. “His attitude has shifted greatly, even though he endeavored to keep it from me. He did not even attempt to wheedle intelligence from me about Kira Ren as is his habit. He was strangely reticent to mention her at all.” 

“That’s new.” 

“Yes. I believe something happened between them during the flight from Starkiller Base, something that left him shaken.” 

“It won’t last,” Silyana decided. “He’s got this annoying habit of landing on his feet.” 

“He’s only one person,” Tirian objected. “At some point, the man will reach his limits.” 

Silyana sighed. “You forget, Tirian. We live in a world run by very stubborn people. They’d rather beat their heads against a wall until their skulls cave in than admit they’ve lost.” 

“Resilience only means they will recover their original shape if bent or twisted,” Tirian insisted. “But sometimes, they snap.” 

~---~ 

The next day, Kylo fixed himself an especially strong mug of caf in the _Falcon’s _galley before attempting the climb up the stairs. It wasn’t as though he had an appointment to keep. For the first time in a long while, he could take his time getting ready to face the day. 

He found he didn’t like it much. He stood alone in the cockpit and watched the sun rise over the water, sipping his caf, ignoring the quiet that was violent with vivid memories. 

Eventually, the mug was empty and Kylo sighed. It was time to get going. 

The stairs never got any shorter, he realized as he huffed up the cliffside. Luke wasn’t in the village when Kylo topped the first flight of steps. He thought about searching him out, but he didn’t bother to ascertain where his uncle had gone. Instead, he kept climbing, continuing his exploration of the island. 

Kylo made his way towards the peak, taking the track that kept climbing when the paths diverged. When he got higher, Kylo clambered over rocks and crevices, clinging to the side of the island as the salty wind nipped at his nose and ears. The porgs circling the peak swooped by and screamed at him. He realized why when he saw the untidy nests speckling the cliffs, but the path dived into the mountainside, sheltering him from the angry birds. 

He soon found that he wasn’t just in a cave. The ceiling soared upward, climaxing in a high arch several meters above his head. The space before him was paved with smooth stone, illuminated by the light pouring in from a wide opening opposite. While the workmanship of the immense chamber had a rough and natural sense, it felt well-proportioned, like an elegant cathedral. Kylo had been in enough Jedi structures to recognize it for what it was: an ancient temple, perhaps one of the first, almost prehistoric. It had more depth of time than the temple on Alaris Prime had possessed, the impressions of many seekers and hopefuls left in the Force over the millennia. 

The light in the room was not only physical. He could feel the nexus of Light energy flowing around him. It felt not unlike sitting in a hot bath, letting the steaming waters soothe his aching body and mind. 

He didn’t know how Luke could do it, living so close to such a strong juncture of the Force and yet be cut off from it. With a grimace, he guessed it was a part of Luke’s self-induced sentence to punish himself. It wasn’t far off from something Kylo was likely to do. 

Kylo walked further into the space. A wide shallow pool occupied the center of the floor, its surface smooth like glass. He skirted around, looking for the view beyond. He found the opening provided access to a ledge with a panorama of the island. Kylo stepped out into the sunshine, letting it warm his skin. 

A wide flat rock sat at the apex of the ledge and again Kylo recognized its purpose, although he was reluctant to fulfill it. Begrudgingly, he moved towards it, settling atop the stone with crossed legs and straight spine. 

He relaxed, his eyes closing against the greens and blues and grays of island and ocean. 

Kylo was not one for meditation and never had been. While he used to sit for hours on end with a good book, meditation left him alone with his thoughts. He knew that wasn’t the point of meditating. He was supposed to be letting them go, taking a step back so that he could see things from a new perspective. Instead he often became trapped in his worst fears and regrets, getting closer rather than farther from his problems. 

But that was before. Kylo wasn’t optimistic given that he had only regained his connection to the Force a few days prior and his interaction thus far had strongly favored the Dark. 

But the Light was so strong here and despite his best effort at pessimism, Kylo felt calmed by its touch. 

The entire island was alit in his mind’s eye. The Light and Dark were woven in an intricate tapestry, seemingly without pattern, yet somehow filled with design. He followed the streams and eddies with his thoughts at random, losing himself in the tangle. It was a different kind of mindlessness than he usually sought out, if this could even be called that. Rather than numbing his mind with alcohol or exhaustion, he was revitalizing his mind with the energy of the Force. It was simply _mesmerizing_. 

Soon he began to realize the entire island was like a simple magnet, where the polar ends were made of nexuses of Light and Darkness. That in itself was interesting; the Jedi usually abhorred building any sort of shrine near a Dark Side focus, unless this temple was a remnant of the ancient Je’daii Order that sought the Bendu – balance. 

His body sat in the strongest concentration of the Light, a warm bubble that floated high above sea level, covering the ledge. It felt good to rest there for a moment, but as in times past, such undiluted Light soon began to burn through his thoughts. 

Kylo’s mind slipped downwards, seeking something less irritating. He wandered into the thick of the chaos, reveling in the astounding variance of the Force. 

He didn’t know he was there until it was there with him. 

Most of his experiences in meditation were impressions, half-formed feelings of where his mind had taken him. But he could see the Dark nexus as clearly as if he were physically there. 

He could also hear it, speaking to him. It wasn’t words in a language spoken by any sentient species he knew, but he understood it all the same. It was the same promises he’d heard all through his youth, the same call that he’d answered when he’d fought Kira Ren in the snow on a dying planet. 

And just like then, it felt _right_. 

Even though Kylo fell into the Darkness at the base of the island, he felt like he was rising. It was a different kind of revitalization than the Light had provided. The whispers of power seeped into the cracks in his heart and mind, fusing them with despair and anger. The promise of an end to his pain if only he -

_Ben. _

He was burning up and he didn’t care. 

_"Ben!”_

Kylo startled when Luke shouted his name from just behind him. 

“Where did you go?” 

Kylo opened his eyes and turned to glare at him, his knees still crossed. "Hello to you, too."

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You went straight to the Dark, didn’t you?” 

“Would you believe me if I told you no?” Kylo challenged. 

“I’m old, not senile,” Luke said, disapproval dripping from his tone. “The Dark is the path to destruction. You’re lucky you didn’t break off the entire ledge and fall into the sea.” 

“What?” 

Luke gestured irately to the ledge they stood on, now riddled with stress fractures. The stone he sat on was the only piece untouched. 

Kylo loosened his bloodless fingers from where they dug into his thighs. “I’m sure you would have been so distraught if I had.” 

Luke’s mouth thinned, his eyes cold. “I knew this is what would happen. You’ve chosen the Dark just like Rey and just like Vader.” He turned away, retreating back into the ancient temple. 

“You really don’t give a shit, do you?” Kylo shouted after him. “The Academy, the Resistance, Rey, Han, me. They can all go to hell and you wouldn’t blink an eye.” 

“It obviously doesn’t matter if I care or not,” Luke retorted, his grizzled beard and curly hair blowing in the faint ocean breeze. 

“You think you know everything! I haven’t killed you yet, which I bet you hadn’t predicted.” 

Luke stopped. “What’s preventing you? You’d be doing both of us a favor.” 

Kylo scoffed. “Like I’d give you the easy way out.” 

Luke faced him, his brow furrowed, one hand rubbing his beard. “What _is_ stopping you?” 

“I’m not playing games with you,” Kylo said. 

“No, really.” Luke approached him again, straightening. “What do you need from me? Validation? Acceptance? Forgiveness? You always wanted me to give you permission for your Dark Side games.” 

“I don’t need more hallow sentiments from you,” Kylo snarled. “I got enough of that with your Jedi rhetoric.” 

“Then what?” Luke shouted, throwing his arms out. “What do you want? Tell me so I can give it to you and you can quit harassing me!” 

Kylo stood, using his height against his uncle. “Why didn’t Rey kill you that night?” 

Luke’s eyes flashed, but he didn’t back down. “She tried.” 

Kylo stepped closer, eager to finally gain something useful from this horrible time on Ahch-To. “What does that mean? Tell me what happened.” 

“You know she was leaning towards the Dark.” 

“Better than you did,” Kylo returned harshly. 

Luke glared and took a step back. “I’m not talking to you if you’re going to be rude.” 

“Who do you think I get it from, _Master_?” 

“I literally have done nothing to you, and you’ve been nothing but hostile since you arrived.” 

Kylo threw his hands up. “And?” 

Luke turned away. “I need some tea. You could join me if you can keep your mouth shut.” 

Kylo considered his options. “Fine. But I don’t want any of your hot leaf-water,” he conceded as he followed the hunched shoulders of his uncle out of the temple. 

If Kylo had taken a moment to think through his reaction, he would have realized that his old tendencies had resurfaced: any time Luke had suspected him of brushing against the Darkness, Luke would accuse him of disobedience and Ben would respond in outrage. But Kylo wasn’t in a mood for introspection. Still, he had mellowed somewhat by the time they arrived at the village and Luke had brewed some more of his horrible herbal concoction in the battered kettle, then poured in cracked earthen cups and thickened the foul liquid with some sort of frothy green cream. Luke offered Kylo a mug, but he declined with a wrinkled nose. 

“So you want answers,” Luke started. “You know, I never thought about getting old enough to be a dispensary of the widely-sought and highly-valued _answers_. That was always more old Ben or Lor’s area.” He chuckled to himself. 

“Don’t get too puffed up,” Kylo interjected. “You’re giving testimony, maybe.” 

Luke waved a hand. “Like I was saying. Everything that happened with the reveal of our heritage from Vader and then your ill-timed disappearance – it pushed her over the edge.” 

“That’s it?” Kylo said. “I experienced the same things but I didn’t kill everyone I knew and join the First Order.” 

“You weren’t there,” Luke argued, his mouth set in a stubborn line. “You didn’t see what it did to her when you abandoned us.” 

Kylo’s jaw grew rigid. Luke’s words were starting to cut close to what he had always suspected. 

“You two were always inseparable. Or at least I thought you were inseparable. You, as it turned out, had no problem with leaving. Rey was more dependent on you. Your departure unbalanced her.” Luke took a gulp of tea, staring out at the endless sea, the green milk staining his gray mustache. “She became determined – obsessed, really – with finding you. And then you showed up out of nowhere like you didn’t have a care in the world.” 

Kylo sulked. It hadn’t been exactly like that, but he could see how it had seemed like that to those at the Academy, including Rey. 

“She snapped. Tried to kill me that night.” 

“Why didn’t she?” 

“I think she thought she did. It was a very near thing.” 

Kylo saw pain spark in Luke’s eyes. 

“When I woke, the Temple was burning, so many were dead. At the time, my only thought was to get out of there before she realized she hadn’t gotten me. Now I wonder why I wanted to survive her at all.” He took another sip of tea.

“You didn’t believe you could overpower her.” 

“No.” Luke gave a twisted smile. “I always knew she was more powerful than me. I’d only seen that kind of power once before.” 

“Who, Vader?” 

Luke dumped the dregs of his tea on the ground, then looked up at Kylo. “No. You, of course.” 

Kylo’s mouth twitched in a half-smile. 

“That’s why the two of you were so... well-matched. Equals of a sort. Even if she didn’t know it. She always looked up to you, which quite frankly, was ridiculous.” 

Kylo was taken aback. “What do you mean?” 

“It was stupid to keep you together. She idolized you to an unhealthy degree, but your flaws played directly into that fantasy of sorts. But with how volatile you were – it was inevitable that you’d trip up and fail her expectations.” 

“You’ve been on this island too long,” Kylo said in a half-hearted attempt at anger. He swallowed, his hands trembling. 

“You don’t have to tell me that.” 

Kylo sat back slowly. “So what? You think this is my fault?” 

“Don’t you?” Luke returned. 

Kylo couldn’t come up with a sensible reply. He and Luke had come to the same conclusion about the inducement of Rey’s fall to the Dark Side: his failure. And it hadn’t ended there. The repercussions of his failure had taken his father, and they were poised to take down the Resistance and everyone who had ever known him. 

“It’s too late now anyway. Like I’ve said before, she’s fixated on you and you won't be able to hide from her.” 

“What should I do?” 

“Kriff if I know,” Luke shrugged. 

"She’s coming for you too,” Kylo pointed out. 

“No doubt. She was always stubborn.” 

“What are you going to do?” 

Luke sighed, then leaned down to add a fresh chunk of peat on the fire. “Wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! If you liked or enjoyed anything, let me know! Leave a kudos or (even better) a comment - I love engaging with my readers.
> 
> Next update in two weeks!
> 
> Meanwhile, I'm on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) posting Reylo every day :)


	6. 6th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngstyWriter), who just started posting her own story! Go check it out!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Kylo wasn’t satisfied with Luke’s plan. Rather than wait around for Kira Ren to show up, Kylo hiked down to the beach. With some prodding, Luke had informed him that the currents were not strong and there were no native predators to avoid as long as he didn’t go beyond the drop-off. 

Further along the beach was the settlement where the island’s custodians lived. He’d seen it in the distance from the _ Falcon _, but he didn’t realize it was occupied until the custodians had appeared with their brooms, buckets, rakes, and other supplies, jabbering amongst themselves as they set about inspecting and doing maintenance on the village. Kylo wondered what satisfaction they gained from preserving everything just as their ancestors had for thousands of years, even though they didn’t inhabit the ancient structures.

Luke had gotten to his feet, saying it was best to get out of their way. Kylo had turned down Luke’s offer of fishing, opting instead to take a swim to clean himself up. The _Falcon’s _fresher was no substitute for a real bath. 

Kylo stood on the sand just beyond the reach of the waves. He began to strip, inattentive to the sand contaminating his clothing. The sun shone brightly but as soon as he dipped a toe in the frigid water, he knew it would be a bracing swim, which was exactly what he needed. He waded in until the sea rose above his knees, his skin prickling and teeth chattering. Suddenly impatient, Kylo dived into the water, resurfacing a few meters away. The salt water stung his eyes and dried his lips, but he welcomed the freshness of it. 

He swam several laps parallel to the beach, always careful to keep the sandy bottom within reach to avoid the rip currents further out. Kylo’s strokes settled into a good pace and his body locked onto the rhythm, allowing him time to think. 

Kylo had tortured himself with thoughts about what had gone wrong with Rey for years, but he only had himself to argue with and he didn’t trust himself to come to a truthful conclusion. But Kira Ren had glimpsed those thoughts in his mind when she had interrogated him. She had become irate, rebuking him for his plea for death at her hand. 

Then he’d pushed into her mind, had seen her own fear of powerlessness, of never having the freedom to make her own choices. 

Then everything else had happened. Kylo’s strokes pulled harder at the water, propelling him faster through the waves as he tried to shut out the memories when they wandered towards his father. 

He didn’t gain any answers on Starkiller, only more questions. 

His conversation with Luke had been unexpected, both in its civility and its subject matter. He had suspicions, but Luke was the first person he’d freely spoken to about Rey’s fall. Now that he had a moment to reflect, he found that it was a relief to have his feelings confirmed. 

Rey had looked to Ben Solo for guidance ever since she had arrived on Chandrila with Luke as a skinny, feral waif of a child that was already so strong with the Force and had a taste for the Dark. That common bond - a power that others feared and they themselves did not understand - had set them apart and drawn them together throughout their childhood, until it tore them apart. The first blow had been the reveal of his ancestry, but his own actions had been the straw that broke the bantha’s back. She had trusted him to keep the Dark at bay, and when he had abandoned her, it had shattered the trust she had in the Light. 

Luke hadn’t outright said it, but Kylo knew what he was implying. 

Rey’s descent into the Dark Side embrace was Ben’s fault, and Ben’s fault alone. 

As much as it hurt to finally accept the truth, it felt good to bring the guilt home. He hadn’t thought of himself as Ben Solo since Rey had disappeared that night, but it was right to remember it now. He was Ben Solo, and Ben needed to take responsibility for his mistakes. 

His anger had been misplaced. He had blamed Kira Ren for the wreckage of his life and, more recently, the murder of his father. But now he recognized that everything was his own fault. He had to decide what choice to make: attempt to make things right, or run away. 

Eventually his skin was numb and even the steady exercise couldn’t keep his muscles warm. Kylo pulled himself out of the water, shivering when the breeze chilled the water that clung to him, dripping in rivulets down his back and legs. He jogged to the pile of discarded clothing and snagged his shirt from the sand to rub it briskly over himself in an attempt to dry off, but he only succeeded in scraping damp sand all over. Exasperated, he tried to tug on his pants, but the sturdy fabric stuck stubbornly to his wet skin. Kylo thanked the Force no sentients were nearby to see him wrestle furiously into his clothes – but his gratitude was too early. 

He picked up on the change in the atmosphere of the Force more quickly this time, although he still wasn’t ready when she appeared. 

Mercifully, he just fastened his trousers shut when she materialized, sitting cross-legged in the sand just beyond the reach of the waves which were muffled within the Force connection. Her hands were holding her head, fingers threaded into her loose hair, and when she realized he was there, they relaxed their brutal grip on her skull. 

“I’d rather not do this right now,” she said to the ground, her voice echoing. 

“Yeah, me too,” he blurted, then cringed, wiping away a rivulet of of salty water running down his face. 

Kira straightened and looked up at him, taking in his soaked, half-dressed state. Her eyes widened a fraction and her lips twitched before she schooled her reaction, but it was enough to make him self-conscious. 

“Have you learned anything?” she asked. 

“I’ve spoken with Luke, if that’s what you mean.” Kylo twisted his soiled shirt in his hands. 

“And?” 

His hair dripped into his eyes and Kylo pushed it back to properly meet her gaze. Kira blanched and looked down, her focus skittering away before returning to him. Kylo stared at her for a moment, trying to formulate his answer. “I failed you.” 

Kira blinked. “Say that again.” 

Kylo growled. “I. _Failed you.” _

Kira jumped to her feet and strode towards him. She stopped centimeters away to study his face. He wanted to backpedal from her scrutiny, but he couldn’t let her doubt his sincerity, not now. 

“You,” she said softly, incredulously, “you _still_ pity me.” 

Kylo furrowed his brow. “I know – I understand why you – it's my fault. I failed you.” 

She spun on her heel and stalked a few paces away. Her disbelieving laughter was distorted within the bond. When she turned back, her eyes had a strange light. 

“Why did I kill Han Solo? Hmm?” Her stare burned brighter, almost crazed. “Why did I kill your father?” she demanded. 

“You blame me for abandoning you, and you wanted – “ 

“Revenge? How shallow do you think I am? Do you think that I only react to your actions? That I have no agency?” 

Kylo could only stare. 

“I've been abandoned before, Ben Solo. It’s horrible, but you were not the first to leave me when things got too hard.” 

Kylo flinched, looking away. 

“You think you carry the galaxy on your shoulders and no one else can bear this burden. It’s your greatest weakness. That’s why you twist everything back to yourself. Did Luke tell you what happened that night?” 

“Yes.” 

She glared at him. “No. Even you couldn’t kriff up the truth this badly.” 

Kylo crossed his arms across his chest. “Then tell me.” 

“He sensed my power, just as he sensed yours, and he feared it.” 

“And he was right.” 

Kira jabbed a finger at the ground. “Exactly. You and him both believed in your paranoia.” 

“Is it paranoia if it’s true?” he challenged. 

She took a steadying breath. “Where do you sleep?” 

“What?” Kylo faltered, confused by the abrupt change in topic. 

“I would lock my doors if I were you,” she said, her tone light but her expression was fraught. “Ask him _what happened.” _

And just like that, the bond was severed. Kylo reached into the empty space before he could stop himself, but nothing was left of her except footprints in the sand. 

He crouched down, brushing his fingers in the impressions. The incoming tide lapped at his fingertips, washing away the last trace of her. 

She had been barefoot, and he hadn’t noticed. 

~---~ 

Kira stepped back when the connection ended, letting the tension ebb from her body. Kylo was no longer standing in the doorway to her bedroom, his arms crossed and that _idiotic _stubborn long-suffering look on his face. 

Kira slumped back down to the floor, frowning when she noticed the puddle of water on her carpet. He had been absolutely soaked. It wasn’t the first time he’d endured a rain shower for her sake, remembering the capricious storms on Chandrila. She instantly quashed the memory, knowing there was too much between them to allow any warmth to crop up. 

Still, she couldn’t help but remember the time before everything when they visited Eadu and crash-landed on the rain-swept planet. He had looked just as wet and aggravated then. Ben always felt concerned for everyone’s safety, taking responsibility for everything that went wrong. 

Not much had changed, Kira realized with a groan, catching her head in her hands. She had killed his father, yet he had somehow managed to convince himself it was his fault, that it had anything to do with him. 

Kira hadn’t had a moment to parse the reasoning for ending Han Solo – it certainly hadn’t been her original intention. But she had hoped Ben would at the very least see that it was something she had done, not him. Of course it affected him, but it also had consequences for her. Consequences that she hadn’t even started to acknowledge until she noticed the persistent, stabbing ache in her chest ever since. 

Anger flashed through her veins, making her wish the Force would reconnect them so she could choke some sense into him. No one had made him responsible for all that was wrong with the galaxy, or the Force. Kira didn’t doubt that if she delved far enough, he would be holding himself to blame for the fight between the Resistance and the First Order. She had seen his mind on Starkiller, how his guilt and self-loathing drove him to the edge. 

What an utter _ Kira pounded her fist on the floor, trying to stem the rising flood of horrifying tears that came unbidden. Was she only reacting to what he did? Was she only a weak substitute for Ben Solo as Snoke had said? Why had she killed one of the few people who truly cared for her in the most cowardly way possible? No, not for _her_. For Rey. _

__

One thing she knew for certain as the torrent of doubt rushed through her mind: when Ben Solo had reappeared in her life, he had triggered the collapse of any equilibrium she had created. 

__

And this bond they shared now – what was the purpose? So far it seemed like a cosmic joke meant to antagonize her growing turmoil. 

__

Her comm chirped from the side table close to the main entrance. Kira gathered herself, sitting on the floor a moment longer before she stood and walked over to pick it up, finding a request from Hux to meet him immediately. She sighed. There were few things she wanted to do less right then, but she knew it was necessary and inevitable. 

__

She was already dressed, but Kira lingered by the door, staring at the mask lying on the floor where she’d thrown it. She could feel the ghost of a tremor run through her fingers, aching to summon the mask and put it on. Kira wrenched herself away, striding through the door and leaving it behind. She wasn’t an addict; she didn’t need the mask to function. _Hiding from the truth is more Ben’s thing, _she thought spitefully. 

__

Kira took the long way to meet Hux. If anyone had dared to ask, and she had deigned to reply, she would have said that it was to stretch her legs and move around a bit. If she had told the truth, it would be to avoid the awkward interaction waiting for her as long as possible. 

__

Kira could sense Hux’s aversion seeping out of the room before she entered. It was a strategy room, a smaller one, not meant for coordinating grand naval battles, maybe more for charting supply lines. Hux rarely asked her to meet in such a limited space. Usually he preferred to have spectators whenever they met, either to shame her or temper her stronger reactions. 

__

The door slid open and she slipped through. “Hux.” 

__

Armitage Hux looked up from the end of the long table, the light from the glow panels shining off his slick, flaming hair. His frown deepened when he saw the absent mask. “Ren. You’re very prompt today.” 

__

“Shouldn’t I be?” 

__

“I didn’t expect it, no.” 

__

Kira eyed him, unsure of the subtext. “You wanted something?” 

__

Hux cleared his throat. “We’ve found something. Not so much found as deduced, I suppose.” 

__

She crossed her arms, waiting. The tension around them was not the normal, easy antagonism it had always been. There was something else, a vulnerability brought on when they had both seen the other’s weakness. It made simple interactions like this that much more complicated. 

__

“We’ve had the majority of the map to the first Jedi temple for a while now,” Hux said, busying himself by bringing up several star charts. “But even though we knew the general region where Skywalker was hiding, the area was still far too large to physically search. The resources needed to undertake such an operation were ludicrous.” 

__

“You’ve found him?” Kira said. 

__

“We have a very educated guess,” Hux countered. “With the success of the hyperspace tracking program in finding the Resistance, a team of my developers adapted the algorithm to solve our puzzle. And we might have done it.” 

__

The holes in the map began to fill in, star by star, system by system, a highlighted vector revealing the hyperspace route to an inconspicuous planet. Kira stepped up to the table. 

__

_Ben._

__

“Have you sent any probes?” 

__

“No. I thought you’d want to know before we acted.” 

__

Kira raised her chin. He was right. She did want to know. But that didn’t explain why he was telling her. “What now?” 

__

“Well, I assumed you’d retrieve Skywalker and bring him to Snoke.” 

__

“Cut the bantha shit. We know each other too well for that. I meant, what do you get out of this?” 

__

“I get another step closer to destroying the opposition.” 

__

“That’s what the First Order gets.” Kira pulled out a seat and lowered herself into it. “What do _you_ get, Hux? Why give me this win?” 

__

Hux sat back, a thin smile cracking his lips. “We pawns have to work together if we want to prove ourselves invaluable, no?” 

__

Kira slapped her hands down on the table. “Fine. Don’t answer me.” 

__

“Some gratitude would not be unappreciated.” 

__

“Hmm.” 

__

Kira ran her gaze over him. Hux stared back, unblinking. 

__

“I’ve got somewhere to be,” she said, and stood. 

__

Hux turned his eyes back to his datapad. “Don’t fail the Supreme Leader this time.” 

__

Kira turned and left the room, leaving Hux to his schemes. 

__

Silyana was waiting a few meters down the corridor, sitting on the floor, elbows on her knees. “What did the slimeball want?” 

__

Kira looked at her lieutenant, a wrinkle between her eyes. “An alliance.” She held out a hand and Silyana took it, rising to her feet. 

__

“He finally got smart, huh?” 

__

“He saw his own ghost and it frightened him,” Kira answered, remembering what she’d said to him when she lay near death. 

__

Silyana flashed a sly smile. “Like I said.” 

__

~---~ 

__

Poe Dameron was very close to panicking. 

__

He’d tried to contact Ben eight times now. Each call had gone unanswered. The first couple times he had just figured Ben was off doing Jedi stuff with Luke. Which sounded _awesome, _by the way. The next few attempts, he figured Ben was ignoring him because that was a very Ben thing to do. Around try number seven is when Poe started to think that something was wrong. 

__

Ben had said they hadn’t noticed any signs of First Order presence, but maybe they had tracked the _Falcon_ after all. 

__

“Oh, shit, oh, no, please no,” Poe muttered, tapping in the code for the encrypted frequency again. “Come on, Ben, don’t be dead.” 

__

It took an eternity for the signal to go through the series of relays and coding and boosters from the base on the ground through the _Raddus _in orbit above Crait to finally get thrown out into the galaxy. 

__

“What.” 

__

“Holy shit, you’re alive!” Poe exclaimed gleefully. 

__

“Yes?” Ben said, raising an eyebrow. 

__

“Why didn’t you answer? I thought the First Order had you!” 

__

“I’m busy. I don’t keep a remote connection to the _Falcon._” 

__

“How am I supposed to know that?” 

__

“You’re not.” 

__

Poe huffed. 

__

“Did you want something or are you trying to babysit me?” 

__

“I need a favor.” Poe paused, trying to determine how best to phrase this. “You up for a side job?” 

__

“Not really.” 

__

“Since your current mission is on hold with the whole First Order hyperspace tracker problem, I need you to come give me and some friends a ride out of here. Covertly.” 

__

“I’d like to remind you that I’m not working for Leia anymore. I’m just waiting this out until I can move on.” 

__

“Come on, man,” Poe said. “You can’t give up that easily. We need Skywalker to win.” 

__

“You want me to bring Skywalker to the Resistance _now_?” 

__

“No, no.” Poe waved a hand. “Later, once we do this thing. I just need you to give us a ride. Skywalker’s not gonna go anywhere, right?” 

__

Ben snorted. “No.” 

__

“Great. So, if you could come pick us up, I’ll send you the coordinates, and we’ll slip through the First Order’s scanners to get onto the _Supremacy,_ and –” 

__

“Excuse me,” Ben interrupted. “The _Supremacy_? What the hell is this plan of yours?” 

__

“We’ve got a way to disable their trackers so the Resistance can escape without them knowing. We just need to be on board their lead ship.” 

__

“That’s a hard no.” 

__

“Why not?” Poe retorted. 

__

“First, like I’ve said several times, I don’t work with or for the Resistance. Second, I couldn’t get within a dozen parsecs of the _Supremacy_ without the Knights of Ren knowing where I was.” 

__

“Can’t you hide your – your mind, or something? I thought Jedi could sneak into anywhere.” 

__

Ben grimaced. “Not me. Not from them. It's too risky.” 

__

“You wouldn’t even have to be on board. Just get us close enough to get there ourselves. We’ll figure it out,” Poe pleaded. 

__

Ben squinted at him. “Leia doesn’t know about this.” 

__

Poe frowned. “Not exactly.” 

__

Ben laughed. “She told you this was a dumb idea, didn’t she?” 

__

“She didn’t actually hear the plan,” Poe defended. 

__

“My answer’s no,” Ben said. 

__

“We need you, man,” Poe said, his voice on the verge of cracking. “We have to take out this tracker.” 

__

“Let me know when you figure out a better plan,” Ben said. 

__

“Wait!” Poe surged towards the holorecorder but Ben had already ended the connection. “Kriff!” 

__

Poe ruffled a hand through his hair. He grunted before he hit the key to retry the connection, determined to win over Ben if it took him a hundred more tries. 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As insane as it sounds, the next time I update will be post-TROS!!! I don't know about you all, but I'm EXTREMELY hyped!
> 
> Meanwhile, if you like my little story, please subscribe, share, and leave a kudos! I also love comments and respond to every single one cuz I love hearing what you all think.
> 
> Next update in two weeks!


	7. 7th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to recent events, I feel the need to reassure you all that this story will have a HEA. I intend to stay true to the characters and their growth and where that leads. 
> 
> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for taking time in the midst of the crazy to beta this chapter for me.
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Kylo finished toweling his hair dry. He’d just come up to the  _ Millennium Falcon _ from the beach for a change of fresh clothing when he’d seen the missed calls from Dameron. He’d been inclined to ignore them, too, but Dameron had called again and Kylo had answered. That had been an unnecessary waste of time.

Rolling his eyes, Kylo shut off the communications array. He didn’t need the pilot pestering him about some other hare-brained plan to save the galaxy. The last one had gotten them both captured by the First Order and ended with blowing up an entire planet. Several, if you counted the Hosnian system. 

Although, that wasn’t Dameron’s fault. If anything, it was because of Kylo’s involvement. If he hadn’t been trying to help BB-8 to the Resistance, Kira Ren wouldn’t have taken such a keen interest. 

It was midafternoon, the warm sunlight filtering in through the cockpit beyond the lounge. He hadn’t eaten anything since the cup of caf that morning, so after pulling on his boots, he grabbed a couple of bars from the  _ Falcon’ _ s galley to graze on as he walked. As a last minute impulse, he went back to the lounge and opened a drawer under the seat. 

Nestled inside was the lightsaber that he had categorically ignored since he’d arrived on Ahch-To. 

After the duel on Starkiller he’d managed to hold onto it in the chaos, but afterward his mother had refused to take it and he’d be damned before he returned it to Luke. Still, it tugged at his soul, faint whispers of destiny and fulfillment. Now, he held it in his palm, turning it over and watching the light glimmer on the handle’s dull sheen before sighing and attaching it to his belt. 

He didn’t know how to get where he was going, but he could feel it. The Dark nexus called to Kylo and he was more than ready to answer – if only to get a few answers of his own. 

Kylo was drawn along a narrow path at the base of the cliffs, just above the reach of the hungry waves. The spray splattered over him, undoing the work he’d done to get dry. Eventually everything was damp, the cold slowly seeping under his skin. 

The path ended at a promontory jutting out into the ocean in defiance of the churning tide. A wide cleft split it down the middle, seething over with a Dark energy like an infected wound. Despite his animal instinct screaming at him to turn and flee, Kylo only hesitated a moment before searching for a way down. The rocks were slick and Kylo had to concentrate to avoid falling as he clambered lower into the fissure. The sound of the waves grew muffled behind the boulders as he ventured further. 

The Darkness was strong, deepening the chill he felt in his bones. Kylo reached the bottom, a flat shelf of rock edged in shadows. The fishy smell of the sea was replaced by the softer scent of wet stone. The sky was reduced to a pale gray circle high above him. The light that managed to filter through was dim and undefined and he couldn’t see what was in front of him. Still, he had gotten here by trusting his feelings. 

Kylo stepped forward into the space, letting the tension drop from his shoulders despite how uneasy he felt. He was tempted to ignite the lightsaber to illuminate his way but he knew that this Darkness would not welcome if he wielded a weapon forged in the Light. He desperately wanted to find acceptance here - the rest of the galaxy had rejected him, after all. He’d never deliberately attempted to meditate on the Dark Side, but contemplating the Light had never yielded the solace he was looking for. 

His boots squelched and Kylo squinted to see some type of kelp lying in clumps on the floor, long strands of blackened algae trailing off to where the absence of light obscured his vision. The Dark whispered wordlessly in his head, tugging him forward. The wash of the sea thrummed through the rock under his boots, more felt than heard even as the Darkness thickened, its voice more persistent. 

The Darkness sighed, a stray breeze that ghosted from the shadows and whirled around him. A violent twist of the air slammed against him.He lost traction on the slick stone and fell forward into the hole that gaped in front of him without warning. 

Kylo’s cry was cut off when he hit the icy water. Panic flooded his system as he struggled to make sense of up and down, tumbling head over heels for an eternity. He swallowed a few mouthfuls of brine, lungs throbbing, until a chilly current thrust him upwards and he managed to claw his way to the surface, coughing and splashing. 

When he hauled himself onto the rocky ledge, Kylo lay there gasping, his cheek pressed against the cool stone. After a moment, he pushed up to try and get his bearings. The light was even more weak, a trembling ray that slanted from the hole in the ceiling of the cave to the hidden pool where he’d fallen. He couldn’t tell if the ledge he was on extended around the circumference of the pool, but his attention was occupied elsewhere. 

The wall of the cave before him was unnaturally smooth, glimmering like the surface of a cloudy mirror or the pane of a frosted window. Kylo had the unmistakable feeling of being watched, but it didn’t have a malevolence, not like the feeling throughout his childhood that he now realized had been Snoke. This was the unadulterated, pure sense of the Dark Side of the Force, so strong it was almost solidified into a presence. Here, he could hear its voice more clearly but the meaning was still indistinct, just out of reach. 

It was waiting for his move. 

Kylo walked towards the wall, hair plastered to his wan face, footsteps soundless. He reached out, the shadow of his reflection following. His fingertips pressed against the surface and instantly went numb with cold. 

Nothing happened. The shadows fell silent. 

“Show me,” Kylo whispered, “show me again the power of the Darkness.” 

_ Fzzzsht!  _

Kylo gasped, then whirled to face the specter he’d seen in the mirror. 

Darth Vader stood behind him, crimson saber reflecting off a myriad of surfaces. Kylo gaped, taking in the hulking figure, the monster, the legend that stood before him. The sound of the regulated breaths being forced in and out filled Ben’s ears. 

“Please,” Kylo begged the unmoving phantom. “What do I have to do?” 

Vader’s bloody lightsaber snapped up, stopped centimeters from Kylo’s ribs by the sparkling blue blade that leaped into his hand. Kylo stepped back to brace himself, their blade lock snapping and sizzling violently. The amethyst spectrum of light glittered on Vader’s impassive helm.

Kylo didn’t have time to wonder because he was soon fighting for his life, a deadly struggle of  _ block, swing, parry, jab, dodge _ . His mind couldn’t keep up with what was happening – it was too much to comprehend. But luckily his body remembered what to do, bringing the sapphire lightsaber through the desperate motions of defense. Somehow, he was dueling Darth Vader. And Vader was trying to kill him. 

Kylo stumbled, lurching away to avoid Vader’s furious swing, but too late. The tip of blade grazed his arm, just enough to sting, the smell of burnt fabric and skin acrid in his nose. Kylo hissed, spinning to face Darth Vader again. Vader waited until he brought up the Skywalker blade before recommencing his assault, but Kylo felt something was altered. Now, the style of his opponent was hauntingly familiar even if the façade wasn’t. Reflexively, Kylo started to respond to his opponent’s attacks more effectively, taking advantage of the way it favored its left ankle - _so familiar_ \- eventually pushing into offense. Vader continued to evade him, countering each movement smoothly, shifting just out of reach. The Dark Side’s murmuring blended with Vader’s breathing, filling Kylo’s head. Kylo roared, shoving him away. 

Vader staggered back and Kylo followed, stabbing his saber through Vader’s chest plate. The plastisteel melted and smoked, stinging Kylo’s eyes and nose as the skull-like mask turned down slowly to see the fatal wound. 

But it wasn’t Vader anymore. The figure had shrunk and the helmet vanished, leaving Rey to look up from the glowing blade to his face. 

“ _ Ben _ ,” she scolded, her eyes empty. “ _ You need to finish what he started _ .” 

Blood oozed from her chest, sizzling on the plasma beam, staining the blue saber red. Ben stared in horror at the crimson blade he now held. Rey’s hands, sheathed in dark leather gauntlets, closed over his and drove the lightsaber he held deeper. 

_ “This is our destiny,” _ Rey said, her voice hollow yet heavy. “ _ This is your next step.” _

The murmuring of the voices in his head faded with a hiss, satisfied. 

Ben pried his fingers loose and let go of the lightsaber with a tormented cry. 

The vision vanished as if it had never been, leaving Ben to stare at his devastated reflection in the wall of the cave. Distantly, across lightyears of space, a laugh rumbled into an open cackle, dousing Kylo with cold dread. 

~---~

Kira Ren strode through the hangar, her blank helm and dark robes parting the crew like water. Most noticed her immediately and pretended to be occupied with whatever semi-plausible task was at hand. Those who were less alert scurried away when they found her closing in. Kira paid no mind, heading straight for the shuttle resting on the floor. The sublight engines were already warm, glowing a subtle maroon. Her steps quickened, keen to be away. 

Kira boarded, followed by the stormtroopers standing at attention at the bottom of the ramp. They stayed in the holding bay while she moved to sit behind the pilot in the cockpit. The captain didn’t acknowledge her as he cleared their launch with the hangar’s control tower. She ignored his presence too; instead she gazed unblinking at the starscape as they pushed through the forcefield that kept the atmosphere in the hangar contained. It was blessedly still in the void of space, the only distractions being the guidance from the Super Star Destroyers’ control officers over the open channel and the thrum of the engines through the floor. The transfer from the  _ Supremacy  _ to the  _ Finalizer  _ only took a quarter hour and she had elected to go alone. The Knights would follow shortly, but Kira needed distance between herself and Snoke’s flagship. 

Her limbs were buzzing with anticipation, frissons of excitement sparking over her skin. In a few day cycles, she would face Ben again and Skywalker would be forced to admit the truth. Ben would finally have to confront what had happened, and he would  _ understand _ . He would understand everything. 

As if brought on by her thoughts, Kira felt the Force rise in her awareness, slowly silencing the hum of the shuttle’s engines and the quiet chatter of the control officers. Kira rose to her feet abruptly and hastened to the overnight quarters, slipping through the door before it had fully opened. 

Ben was waiting, sitting on the low bunk, and he looked up at her as she entered. 

“What’s wrong?” The words slipped out of her lips unbidden, but they were harsh through the mask's vocoder. She quickly removed it as the door slid shut behind her, letting the helmet hang from her fingers. She locked the door, meeting his eyes before coming into the room and sitting on a stool as he watched warily. 

He almost looked frightened, his eyes wide and lips tight. His hair was wet, curling on the ends, and his shoulders were wrapped in a rough woolen blanket. The bunk was low enough that his long legs were forced to bend with knees nearly flush with his chest, giving him an ungainly look as he huddled on the stiff mattress. She could sense his emotions running amok, and while there was still that stubborn penitence that rankled her, there was also an insidious element of doubt winding through his Force signature. Perhaps he had finally pulled the truth from Skywalker. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he muttered, bowing his head to let his hair cover his eyes. 

“You’re upset,” she observed quietly. “What happened?” 

He groaned. “I – I had a vision.” 

Kira sat straighter. 

“I went to the Dark to find some answers. The Light has never had any, as you know, so I went.” 

She leaned forward and caught the scent of woodsmoke. “What did you find?” 

His deep brown eyes looked up at her, searching her face with an intensity that seared her to the core. She drew nearer, pulling the stool with her. 

Ben said, “Nothing I wanted to hear.” 

“It never does.” 

His eyes glistened in the low lighting. “I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.” 

“You’ve always been strong,” Kira objected quietly. 

He shook his head. “I’ve made so many mistakes.” 

“It’s not too late.” 

Kylo’s jaw tightened. “You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.” 

“But I know you can do it,” she insisted. 

“That’s what frightens me.” He shuddered and she felt his uncertainty and shame swirl between them. 

Kira went silent, treading carefully. She desperately wanted him to give in and embrace the Darkness they both knew so well, but he was blinding himself to the truth. It wasn’t a mistake, it was a choice. 

He pulled the blanket tighter, the rough fabric stretched over his fisted knuckles. “Why does the Force keep connecting us? You and I?” 

“I think you know why,” she answered. 

He grunted. “To bring me more pain?” 

Kira felt as though she had been struck, the breath sucked from her lungs. It hurt, even though she had thought the same thing earlier that rotation. 

“I can’t apologize. For any of it,” she said, her voice hard. 

“You don’t have to.” He pushed his hair back, his eyes soft and mournful. “I just – I'm so lost.” 

Kira hesitated, trying not to drown in the feeling of despair she felt from Ben. She reached up, then stopped. “Can I give you something?” she asked quietly. 

Ben studied her face before nodding once, sharply. “Please.” 

Kira knelt in front of the low bunk and extended a hand. As her palm hovered over his face, she wondered for a split-second if they could touch, but his warm exhale caressed her wrist and she knew. 

She held his face, fingers splayed across the scruff on his cheek, and closed her eyes, reaching for his mind with her thoughts. Kira felt the slightest resistance from Ben as their consciences brushed before he relaxed. Shame skittered through her, but unlike the interrogation where she had brutalized his mind to take, this time she offered something, a memory. 

~---~

_ The nocturnal insects of Alaris Prime chirped incessantly outside her quarters and no matter how many blankets she pulled over her head, she could still hear the raspy buzz. _

_ It was no use. Rey threw the covers off the foot of her cot and swung her legs over so her feet were on the ground. She started to pull on her boots before she remembered that Ben didn’t want to see her. He couldn’t even meet her eyes after they’d disembarked from the  _ Nowhere _ . He’d let her walk away without a word, and that hurt more than anything, the pain squeezing her chest so she was sure her ribs would break, piercing her heart. _

_ They’d all given up on her, thinking she was irrevocably lost to the Darkness. Even Ben _

_ The voice whispered in her head, more clearly than ever before.  _ Become more _ , it hissed.  _ This time, let it be your choice _ . _

_ Sitting alone in her bed, Rey didn’t realize she was crying until the fat tears started to drip from her chin. She had struggled so hard to ignore the pull of the Dark, but maybe that was her mistake. She had let the fear of everyone around her – Luke, Leia, the other students, the legacy of Vader, even Ben – dictate her choice for her. _

_ It was easy, really, to think that in the morning she’d leave. Leave the Academy and the Skywalkers behind and for the first time, live her life on her own terms rather than in the aftermath of others.  _

_ She held in the sobs that threatened to shake her frame. Tomorrow would be another day. No matter what she decided, she could be sure that it would be the start of something new, whatever she wanted. She didn’t have to be afraid of the Dark. And then, there would be nothing to fear at all. _

_ She lay back down, letting the tears dry on her face, mollified in spite of the agitation smoldering in her stomach. _

_ And now without fear of the Darkness, she could sleep. Rey let the dreams drag her under, the ones where the Darkness flowed through her veins unchecked, edging her vision in fire and blood. It took her deeper, showing her the power she would possess, the vengeance she could gain, the belonging she’d obtain. _

_ The dream turned, became more real. She stood over the helpless masses and raised her blade without mercy. _

_ Rey woke, turning over to see her Jedi Master, his eyes glinting in the green light of his lightsaber. There was a Dark presence in the room, but it wasn’t her. _

_ “Luke?” she whispered. _

_ He lifted his weapon to bring it down on her. Her lightsaber appeared in her hand, called from the side table and igniting with a deep hum. Their blades met with a shriek, but the angle was unfair. He would’ve ended her if she hadn’t thrown him back with a sharp telekinetic shove. Rey scrambled to stand and charged at him. His back hit the wall and their lightsabers locked. They grunted, striving against each other. Rey searched for some sign of a trick, of uncertainty or hope, but he just glared back, hate and fear filling his eyes. _

_ With sudden clarity, she made her choice.  _

_ “Rey, don’t!” _

_ It truly was simple. No one could abandon her or fail her or hurt her if she did it first.  _

_ The wroshyr wood planks splintered in flame around them, and then she stood alone. The fire quickly spread to the grasses, burning through the sleeping Academy. _

_ There was only one person who would understand, who wouldn’t renounce her even now.  _

_ They could leave together, escape all the crushing expectations and judgments and hatred and try to figure this thing out on their own.  _

_ She turned, stumbling away from the flaming wreckage of her former home, searching for him. His door was unlocked and Rey pushed it open on silent hinges.  _

_ His features were soft in slumber. She stood trembling in the doorway, uncertain.  _

_ “Ben,” she whispered. _

_ “Rey?” he groaned. _

~---~

When Kira opened her eyes, she found Ben’s only a handbreadth from hers, their foreheads nearly touching. 

“Is it true?” he whispered. 

Kira nodded once. 

“Luke. He – he tried to kill you,” Ben said, the tears starting to overflow. 

“He was afraid.” Kira realized her hand was still on his face and she let go. 

“I didn’t know,” he croaked. 

“My choice was already made when I found you. I only hoped that you would choose the same.” 

Ben’s hand rose and cupped her cheek. Her eyes widened, unsure of what he was going to do, but he just held it there. 

“I left you alone,” Ben said, his eyes soft. “You were right to leave.” 

“Ben –” she breathed, but he was gone, evaporating before her eyes. 

Aware of her surroundings again, Kira realized the shuttle was settling down into gravity once again. They must have arrived at the  _ Finalizer _ . She stood, feeling lighter than she had in ages. With shaking hands, she felt under the collar of her shirt for the cord strung around her neck. Kira pulled it out and looked at the night pearl that hung there, the sight of it a reassurance. She tucked it away again, over her heart, and donned her reflective mask before going aft to disembark. 

The shuttle’s ramp had barely lowered before Kira swept off the ship into the hangar, where Captain Peavey stood at attention. 

“Sir,” the captain acknowledged. 

“Captain.” Kira tilted her head. “Inform the Knights of Ren to transfer from the  _ Supremacy _ immediately. We will proceed with the mission without delay.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay strong Reylo fam. No matter how things turned out, we're not alone.
> 
> Next update in two weeks.


	8. 8th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks goes to my amazing beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for beta'ing this chapter
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Kylo was livid. 

It took him a few minutes to reach that conclusion, but once he did, he was burning with rage. 

Rey had disappeared, leaving him holding nothing as the fire crackled cheerfully oblivious beside him. The emotions squeezing his chest were so tangled he could do nothing but sit and try to breathe through them. 

_ Rey hadn’t decided to turn to the Dark yet. _

_ Luke tried to kill her. _

_ Rey had wanted him to be with her. _

_ He had doubted her, and she had gone anyway. _

_ But Luke had tried to  _ kill  _ her. _

The truth had blindsided him. It felt like Chewie had bludgeoned him over the head once again, except this time, it was his heart that was stunned. 

Outside the hut, the sky was dark and threatening rain when Kylo stood up, letting the blanket around his shoulders fall to the ground. Across the ancient village he could see a flicker of flames painting the stones with living light. Luke was at home. 

Kylo left the shelter, raging through the village and bursting into the circle where Luke’s cooking fire burned. Luke looked up over the fire, sipping from his ever-present mug of foul-smelling tea. 

“Ben?” 

“You  _ murderer!” _

Kylo had forgotten about the lightsaber he still carried, but it lit with a wrathful crackle, an echo of the lightning on the horizon. Luke’s eyes widened at the sight of the Skywalker blade. He absently set aside his tea, the other hand reaching out for his old weapon as if he expected it to be handed to him, but Kylo raised it above his head in a clear threat. 

“Ben, I don’t know what you’re –” 

“You tried to  _ murder _ her,” Kylo screamed as the first raindrops began to fall, sizzling in the fire and on his saber. 

Luke’s grizzled eyebrows scrunched. “Who told you that?” 

Kylo leapt over the fire and Luke fell back, scrambling to rise in a defensive stance. 

“Stop hiding!  _ Tell me the truth!” _

Luke drew himself up, baring his teeth through his grizzled beard. “You need to leave this island. Now.” 

“Not until you’ve admitted what you’ve done,” Kylo said, pointing the shimmering sapphire blade to his uncle’s chin. The rain began in earnest, soaking them in a deluge of icy water, but neither man moved. The fire sputtered behind them, smoking and gasping in the storm. 

“I sensed Darkness,” Luke began, looking beyond Kylo into the past, speaking low but strong enough to be heard over the simmering squall. “It had been building. That night, I looked in her mind and it was beyond what I had ever imagined. Her heart was already turned. Sh e would bring destruction, and pain, and death... and the end of everything I loved,” the old man turned his eyes into his nephew’s, “because of what she had become.” 

Kylo’s nostrils flared but Luke met his burning gaze steadily. The fire had gone out, smothered by the rain, leaving the ghostly, steaming lightsaber in Ben’s hand as the only illumination . 

“For the briefest moment of pure instinct, in the face of such Darkness, I thought I could stop it before it began.” Luke’s voice was hard as durasteel. “It was fleeting – gone in an instant – but it was too late. She turned on me, and her campaign of terror was begun.” 

“Your mistake,” Kylo hissed, advancing so Luke was forced to retreat, “was assuming that her choice had been made.” 

Luke stumbled over a loose chunk of stone, falling on his backside with a grunt. The blade under his chin pressed him until he was cornered against the rough stone wall of his hut, glaring up at his nephew. 

“There was still conflict in her,” Kylo snarled with seething conviction. “She may not have chosen as she did if not for your failure to trust her. She could still turn, even now.” 

“This is not going to go the way that you think,” Luke warned. 

“I’m done with your meaningless riddles.” 

Thunder rumbled. 

“What are you going to do?” Luke asked wearily. 

“I’m going to finish this.” 

The ghostly blade singed Luke’s bearded chin, but he didn’t move. “Do it.” 

Kylo warred within himself, staring down at his old master’s bitter, resigned face. How had it ever come to this? Suddenly, he felt tears prickle behind his eyes. He had never felt so alone. 

He drew back. The saber disengaged with a hiss, leaving them in darkness. "I never want to see your face again.” 

“You came to me!” Luke snapped. 

“I also trusted you, despite everything. That was my mistake,” Kylo spat, and turned away. 

“You can’t get Rey back,” Luke warned. 

“And I’ll tell Leia that you’re not coming back either,” he hurled over his shoulder as he marched straight into the storm. 

“She wouldn’t want me anyway!” Luke answered, his voice breaking on the last syllable, but Kylo was already leaving with long, angry strides. 

“Rot in hell!” 

Luke sagged against the wall. “Too late,” he mumbled as the icy rain began cascading down from the heavens. 

~---~ 

Hours later, Luke sat on the cold, hard ground, letting his sopping robes continue to drip into the spreading puddle. The rain had lessened, but he hadn’t moved from his hut since Ben had left. 

He had made mistakes. So many mistakes. 

He’d known his self-imposed exile couldn’t last forever, but he’d hoped that it would anyway. That he’d be forgotten. And then Ben had come, of all people, full of anger and confusion, upsetting Luke’s ill-founded peace he had cultivated with his stubborn denial. Neither of them had wanted to be here, and yet they were. 

At least this time he felt no obligation to teach or guide Ben. That pressure to perform, to succeed, had been his burden since he found little Rey alone in the Jakku desert, carrying her too thin body across dusty sands, the feel of her bony limbs in his arms distressing. He hadn’t borne it well. In fact, now that he had rejected that burden, he had taken vindictive pleasure in spewing his discontent and sending Ben into a rage, even when it left a hollow ache in Luke’s chest. 

He had already failed them anyway, he couldn’t repair his mistakes now. It was better that he push Ben away than open up the possibility of more hurt. 

But... 

Luke shivered and tightened his hands on his knees. 

He hadn’t thought of Leia. 

Ben said that Leia had sent him to bring him back. Leia hoped that he’d come back. 

Well, she didn’t know what he’d done. 

Yet somehow he knew. Even after everything, she’d find a way to forgive him, even if he didn’t deserve it. She had built her life on hope; even the smallest fragment was enough to push her forward. 

He remembered a moment long ago when they had been cramped together in a Rebel hideout, the Empire closing in. The soldiers with them had been anxious, whispering amongst themselves. He had sensed her own doubts, but she had quieted them with her strong words. 

_ Hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you see it, you'll never make it through the night.  _

How had he forgotten? 

Luke groaned. He didn’t deserve Leia’s faith. 

Luke rose to his feet, his movements stiff and jerking. The cold damp and his old joints fought against him, but he needed to do this, in spite of the pain. He hobbled outside, gathering his staff as he exited the hut. 

His joints warmed as he climbed, but he still went slowly and steadily to avoid slipping on the wet stone. Luke turned his head at the sound of sublight engines and saw the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ pushing through the atmosphere, vanishing into the tumbling clouds that hid the stars. Absorbing the twinge of guilt, Luke continued, his head bowed as he trudged upwards. 

The air was still and thick with humidity when he arrived at the temple. Even out on the ledge, the air was uncharacteristically quiet. Luke moved to sit on the rock where a small depression had formed from where so many generations had sat before. Luke straightened and crossed his legs, just as Ben had done the previous day. 

He was shivering, and not because of the damp. Luke sat there for long moments and he almost got up and left several times, but eventually he willed himself to shut his eyes. 

_ Breathe. _

_ Just, breathe _ . 

Luke relaxed his muscles, one by one, starting with his fingers clenched around his knees, working up his arms and shoulders and down his torso and legs. 

_ Breathe _ . 

Slowly, bit by bit, he opened his mind, lowering the barriers he had built and cowered behind over the years. He let out a shuddering exhale when the Force first seeped into his psyche. A warm breeze rose from below, tangling in gray hair hanging over his bowed face, cooling the tears dripping down his lined cheeks. 

The island was rich with a vibrant energy and it drew Luke in, gasping and whimpering, with inexorable strength. 

It had been so long since he’d exercised his focus that his concentration was quickly fractured by the island’s vivacity. He almost shattered in the elaborate web of the Force, his consciousness pulled in a thousand directions. Dimly, he was aware of his frantic breathing, his heart beating out of his chest. But soon even that awareness was lost as he was pulled further out into the stars that pulsed within the Force, communing with his own life energy. 

There was Darkness and there was Light intermingled, both snagging pieces of himself, ready to tear him apart if he wasn’t careful. It was relentless, unabating, and so vast – he had forgotten just how much there was. Some influences were unconscious, a part of the natural ebb and flow. Others, some familiar, most unfamiliar, had emotions – curiosity, confusion, indifference, greed, kindness. 

One, a bright star in his mind’s eye, reached towards him. 

_ Luke? _

“Leia,” he breathed. 

His sister’s presence touched his for just a moment, a sense of relief and joy and that ever-present hope pouring into his aching heart before he shuttered himself from her, ashamed. 

It was too much. Luke fell back into himself, his chest tight and aching, blinking into the true night of the island, a seemingly endless void of stars above reflected on the gentle waves below. 

His tears had dried in salty tracks across his face, soaking the collar of his already-damp robes. He had been a fool – he could see that with painful clarity. He had perpetuated the mistakes of the old Jedi, ignoring those who had needed him most, clinging stubbornly to his mistakes rather than owning them. It might be too late to make them right. Already Ben was gone, rushing straight into the maw, just as Rey had done. 

Luke stood shakily and called his staff to his hand. The Force sighed as the wooden rod answered, springing from the rock to his grip. Luke exhaled. That felt good, familiar. Like freeing himself from shackles he hadn’t even known were weighing him down. 

Even though Luke had made his home on the island for so long, every step down the peak was unfamiliar, as if he was experiencing it for the first time. And in a way it was. Not only could he feel the rain-slicked stone underfoot, he could sense the water soaking into the earth to nourish the moss and grass sprouting from the cracks, the insects hiding in dry spots among the rocks. Not only could he hear the low cooing of the porgs roosting in their nests, he could feel their limited consciousnesses sinking into restfulness. Not only could he smell the briny wind carried up from the waves, but he could touch the currents of hot and cold air wrestling around the island’s summit. 

It was well past midnight when he reached the bottom of the stairway. The Force, as Luke remembered it, was like a constant hum in the back of his mind, a symphony that he couldn’t quite hear unless he focused on it. But on the island, the Force had a voice, a multitude whispering in his ear. 

Luke followed it, letting it guide him over and through the obstacles hidden in the night. He halted when he came to the cliff. The waves broke themselves over the rocks at its base, a hungry, mindless force that had been gnawing on the island for eons. His X-wing lay sunken, rusting in the brine, eroding below the churning tide.

He had hated this island from the moment he’d arrived. That was the point, to hate it, to imprison himself somewhere that he’d striven to reach for so long, only to come when he was at the furthest point of his ruin. From the moment he learned about his heritage in the Force from Obi-Wan, he had been on a journey for understanding and knowledge. But the first Jedi temple, where he’d hoped to unlock secrets, only yielded nonsense and nonanswers. 

He had been so desperate and the silence that answered his pleas had been enough to give him the strength to cut himself off from the Force. But he couldn’t hide any longer.

The wind whipped at his robes, cutting through to his skin. Luke shivered. Rey – Kira Ren – would be coming. Whether sooner or later, he didn’t know. But when he rejoined the Force, Leia had not been the only one to take note, Luke was certain. Kira Ren would never let go of a grudge – no, worse than that, a betrayal.

“Young Skywalker.” 

Luke whirled to see a small shimmering form sitting on a rock, observing him with an amused curl to his lips. 

“Master Yoda,” Luke acknowledged the visitor warily. 

The Jedi Master cackled gleefully. 

“I’m going to end it,”Luke said, trying to gather his certitude, preparing for an argument. “The Jedi. They’ll die with me.” 

“Done that already, you have.” 

Luke spluttered. 

“Ah, Skywalker, missed you, have I.” 

“It’s time. Time for all of this to end.” 

Yoda raised a finger. “Still choosing the quick and easy way, are you?”

“You think this is easy?” Luke shouted. “I’m sacrificing myself for the greater good.” 

Yoda shook his head. “Still choosing the past, you are. Let go, you must. Skywalker, still looking to the horizon. Never here,” he stomped his gnarled walking stick, “now, hmm?” He tapped his old padawan hard on the forehead.

Luke flinched.“I was weak, unwise. I made so many mistakes.” 

“And continue to make them, you will, unless learn, you do.” 

“I can’t make things right.” Luke sank to the ground, next to Yoda’s ghost, listening to the wind whisper around the rocks. 

“Heeded my words not, did you?” Yoda poked him with his cane. “Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure, also.” 

Luke’s eyes glistened, staring into the night. 

“Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is.” 

“I haven’t learned anything.” 

“Lies, young Skywalker. This is a lie you tell yourself, hmm? If you believe it, true it will be.” 

“What can I do?” 

“Accept your mistakes. Grow, so grow they can too. Yes.” Yoda thumped his stick against the ground. “We are what they grow beyond.  _ That  _ is the true burden of all masters.” 

Luke stood slowly, stepping back up to the precipice as Yoda watched. Luke stretched out a hand, bowing his head with eyes closed.

Up from the sea, a groan rose, echoing off the cliff face. The waves roiled, reluctant to let go of what had been theirs for so long, but the Force sang, vibrating through the air, humming in Luke’s veins. Sweat dripped down his face as the X-wing rose from the water. It climbed to the top of the cliff and settled down, dripping algae and seawater.

Luke blinked, breathing hard, and turned to his old master. Yoda nodded, hope shining in his eyes as he faded away.

~---~ 

Poe saluted smartly. “General.” 

“Commander. Any word from my son?” 

Poe stood straighter. “Not since my last report, ma’am.” 

Leia frowned from behind the holodisplay table. “Do you have an explanation? Your assignment is to be our contact with Ben while he is away on mission.” 

“Well, I’ve attempted contact several times, but he has ignored them.” 

Leia pressed her lips together. “What did you do?” 

“Me?” Poe gaped. He looked around at the few support staff still standing around the room, including Kaydel, who watched him with a frown in her eyes. “What did I do?” 

“Did you offend him somehow?” 

“How am I supposed to know?” 

“Dameron,” Leia said warningly, “I trusted you to be our contact because you know Ben’s temperament better than anyone at this point in time.” 

“I don’t know him,” Poe exclaimed. “He barely talks to me and he’s always wearing that same grouchy express –” 

Poe broke off abruptly when he noted that very same grouchy expression coming over Leia’s face. 

“Commander, it is vital that you reestablish connection with Kylo and ensure that he will complete the mission to bring Luke Skywalker back as we agreed. Am I making myself clear?” 

“Yes, General, but I wanted to talk to you about the other request, regarding the information the Tico sister discovered –” 

“As I’ve previously stated, we cannot act on this intel until we are assured that there will not be devastating repercussions for this base. Right now we only continue to exist because the First Order believes we are unaware of their surveillance and are waiting on our allies to reinforce us. If we make a move prematurely, alerting them that their surveillance has been compromised, they could wipe us out. I will not jeopardize our security so frivolously.” 

Poe dropped his eyes. “Yes, General.” 

“Now, I expect –” 

Everyone looked to Leia when she cut off. She sucked in a breath, looking somewhere over Poe’s shoulder. Kaydel took a step towards her. 

“General?” 

A beat passed, then Leia shook her head. “Sorry, I was distracted.” She looked at Poe again, but he noticed that the lines in her forehead had eased, and she almost smiled. “As I was saying, I expect that you will have more success when you try to reach Ben again.” 

Poe hesitated. 

Then Leia’s expressive eyes changed, and glared hard at Poe. “Get out, Commander. That’s an order.” 

Poe opened his mouth, but Leia lifted an eyebrow. 

“Yes, General,” he said grudgingly. 

“You’re not being ignored, Poe. Some things just take time, and thankfully we have some for once. Now, go before I throw you in the brig.” 

Poe hesitated again for the briefest moment before saluting, then retreating through the makeshift command center, avoiding the heaps of cables and chunks of salt rock. He wrestled with a petulance that threatened to kick the ancient consoles and shove over dusty crates. 

“You shouldn’t try to cross the General like that.” 

Poe glanced over to find Kaydel had followed him. 

“I know,” he admitted. “But we have to do something. I’m tired of sitting around waiting for things to happen. I feel so useless. I can’t even get ahold of Ben.” 

“She is right.” Kaydel said. “The Resistance wouldn’t win a full frontal attack on the  _ Supremacy _ .” 

“We won’t have to if we could disable the hyperspace tracker,” Poe insisted. “Maybe, I could volunteer to pilot the shuttle between the base and the  _ Raddus _ , and we could, you know, temporarily borrow it for our mission.” 

“No, that’d wind up with you in the brig. Besides, that shuttle is one hyperspace jump away from being junked.” 

Poe threw his hands in the air. “I can’t do nothing!” 

“What about Kylo? Is he not interested?” Kaydel queried. 

“I don’t know. He stopped responding to my calls before I could explain.” 

“Try him again.” 

Poe sighed. “I have.” 

“You shouldn’t give up.” Kaydel hefted her datapad and quirked a smile. “The Resistance has made it this far because so many people haven’t given up.” 

Poe stared at her, a grin rising. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.” 

Kaydel jerked her head towards the main entrance. “Let’s try him right now.” 

Together they left the command center and crossed the hangar, illuminated by the giant durasteel bay doors that were left open since there wasn’t an imminent threat of attack with the First Order presence limited to a small network of satellites. The communications center was a few levels up, nearer the clifftops that fronted the Rebellion-era base. 

A few technicians were working in the room and Poe nodded to them as he and Kaydel walked to an open station and plugged it into a generator. 

“Come on, buddy,” Poe muttered. “Just don’t hang up this time.” 

“Wait, he’s answered before?” Kaydel said. 

Poe grunted. “Once. I think he was in a bad mood.” 

“From what I’ve heard, he’s usually in a bad mood.” 

It took a few minutes for the connection to warm up, but their patience was rewarded when the fizz settled and blue hologram blinked into existence. 

“Kylo!” Poe exclaimed, ignoring Kylo’s scowl. “Just don’t cut me off this time, please. I want to explain –” 

“I’m in.” 

“Say what?” 

Kylo’s image crossed its arms. “I’m in.” 

“Holy shit! That’s amazing. Thanks, buddy, you don’t know what this means to me.” 

Kylo lifted a hand. “Quiet. I’ll get you to the  _ Supremacy _ , but I’m coming aboard with you.” 

“Um, I was kind of thinking that you’d be our getaway pilot.” 

“Chewbacca will stay with the  _ Falcon _ so you all can get out of there.” 

“Oh, sure, that’ll work.” 

“Good. Send me your coordinates and I’ll ping you when we’re out of hyperspace to set up a rendezvous. Be ready. We’ll need to move quickly.” 

“Great. But, uh, you don’t want to hear the plan? I didn’t really get to share the details last time.” 

“There’ll be time later. Just gather your crew.” 

“Okay, b –” 

Poe didn’t get to finish before the connection went dead. 

Kaydel sat back. “Did he seem – upset?” 

Poe shrugged. “You just said he’s always in a bad mood. This is exhibit A.” 

“Hmm.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully.

“This is excellent!” Poe rubbed his hands together. “My plan is in motion. The First Order won’t know what hit them.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” 

Poe grinned, his eyes alight in that way that frightened Kaydel just a bit. 

“Too late,” he said gleefully. “I’m already there.” 

Kaydel sighed, rising from her seat. “Let’s tell the others.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos to let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Update in two weeks


	9. 9th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Per usual, thanks goes to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for her unusually kind and helpful work on this chapter
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

The  _ Millennium Falcon _ hung in synchronized orbit over Crait’s sun, just outside the star’s corona. The heat shields glowed from the radiation, enveloping the old freighter in a burning, golden blanket. Kylo knew they could only stay there for a limited time before the energy overwhelmed the shields, but he didn’t plan on staying long. Right now, he needed the interference from the sun’s magnetosphere and radiation to mask the ship’s presence. 

Sitting stoically in the co-pilot's seat next to Kylo, Chewie moaned a question and looked pointedly at the chrono. They had been waiting for Poe’s signal for a couple hours and even with the heat shields, Kylo could feel the sweat beading on his face

“Don’t worry. If he doesn’t contact us soon we’ll go without them,” Kylo answered, leaning further back with his boots up on the dash. 

Chewie huffed, giving Kylo the side-eye. 

“I don’t need your permission,” Kylo said sullenly, uncrossing and crossing his feet at the ankles. 

Chewie yipped, banging his fist on the instrument panel. 

Kylo’s boots hit the floor. “I’m not being selfish. I’m  _ helping  _ them. Our objectives align for the moment.” 

Chewbacca stood, waving a fist in Kylo’s face before leaving the cockpit. 

Kylo watched him go with a scowl. Maybe he wasn’t being completely altruistic with reaching out to Poe, but as the chrono ticked on it was looking less and less likely that Poe’s team would be hitching a ride with him after all. 

Kylo groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. He should find Chewie and apologize. 

A light blinked on the dash, alerting him to an incoming signal. Kylo flicked the switch, accepting it. 

“This is Black One, over. Come in, Falcon.” 

Kylo mashed down the button. “Are you stupid? Use a code name, idiot!” 

“Don't worry, this channel is hyper-encrypted, thanks to Rose,” Poe’s voice said over the frequency. “And I know you wanna argue, but I’m just so glad you made it I could give you a hug.” 

Kylo sat back, disgust twisting his mouth. 

“Anyway, we’re at the rendezvous point. I’m transmitting the vector path to you now. Rose calculated that it should get you through the weakest point in the First Order’s surveillance net. She tried to explain it to me – something about orbital patterns and fidelity strength –” 

“Not relevant, Dameron.” 

“Copy that. We’ll see you soon.” 

“Over and out.” 

Kylo ended the transmission, then turned to go tell Chewie, but the Wookiee was already standing in the doorway to the cockpit. 

“You heard?” 

Chewbacca nodded. He moved towards his seat, cuffing Kylo not too gently on the back of the head as he sat down. 

Kylo rubbed the spot. “I deserved that.” 

Chewie barked his agreement as they primed the sublight engines, taking the  _ Falcon _ away from the star towards Crait. Chewie worked on uploading the coordinates that Poe had sent while Kylo reset the shields. 

“How soon is our window?” Kylo asked. 

Chewbacca growled. 

“We’ve got time. We’ll make it.” 

But by the time they reached Crait’s outermost orbit, the window for the satellites to be in the correct position to slip through had almost vanished. The original idea had been for the autopilot to take them on the vector Rose had calculated, but the timing was not in their favor. 

“I’m going to do it manually,” Kylo decided, switching over the controls. 

Chewie shook his head, but set about readying everything for their descent into atmo. Kylo calmed his mind, leaning hard into the Force. It was an odd feeling to be chased by the First Order’s invisible surveillance with no sight or sound of the enemy. He let go of his reflexes and allowed the Force to sharpen his instincts as they hurtled towards the surface. Soon the ship was rattling, taking impossible turns at irresponsible speeds while Kylo gritted his teeth. He was in tune with the Force’s current, even though it seemed likely to break his neck. 

Their landing was less than optimal, the landing gear grinding across Crait’s salt crust, leaving bloody streaks in the  _ Falcon’s  _ wake. The Resistance’s base was several kilometers away, beyond the horizon. Cliffs rose up from the edge of the plain and a group of figures emerged from a fissure in the rock face. 

Kylo waited at the bottom of the ramp as Poe and his crew jogged towards the ship. The gritty air was so dry and abrasive it bit at his skin, his lips chapped in a few minutes and eyes stinging.

“Hey, buddy!” Dameron exclaimed when they were within speaking distance, his arms spread wide. Kylo held him off with an upraised hand. 

“Not in the mood,” he said. 

“Fine, next time,” Poe acceded. 

Finn came to stand next to Poe, a relieved smile breaking over his face. “Hey, Kylo.” 

Kylo nodded, similarly affected to see the former stormtrooper although he didn’t show it, and grateful that Finn didn’t try to jump him like Poe had. “Finn.” 

“And this here is Paige and Rose.” 

“I know,” Kylo answered, remembering how he’d helped them break out of a First Order internment camp on Hays Minor. He tilted his head. “It’s been a while.” 

Rose stepped forward, her face breaking into a smile. “I’m so glad it’s you! I mean, obviously it’s you, but with you helping us, we could actually do this thing!” 

Kylo’s lips twitched, almost giving in to a smile before he caught it. “We have to get off the planet first.” 

Paige spoke up, her arms perpetually crossed. “Don’t worry. Rose has got that covered.” 

“I believe it,” Kylo said seriously. “Everyone on board. The sooner we lift off the better.” 

“Right on,” Poe said. “Everybody, let’s move.” 

The crew clambered aboard, jostling each other with their packs. Kylo let them board before trying to follow. Something round and solid bumped into his knee and he looked down. 

“Beebee-Ate.” 

The astromech whistled, twirling around in the salt powder. 

“It’s good to see you, too.” 

BB-8 beeped, wobbling in place. 

“You’ve got no idea.” 

BB-8 shrilled. 

“You and me both,” Kylo said. “Come on, we’ve got to get going.” 

Once aboard, Kylo directed everyone to where they could stow their gear for the trip in the cramped crew quarters. 

“You’re with me,” he said to Rose once everyone was settled. He lead her to the cockpit, where Chewbacca had already set the systems for lift off. When they entered, the Wookiee stood to give Rose his seat. 

“Alright, time for you to slice our way out of here,” Kylo said, taking the controls and guiding the  _ Falcon _ into the air. 

“It’ll take just a minute,” Rose said, plugging her datapad in and typing rapidly into the ship’s central computer. Lines of code flowed up the screen, too quick for Kylo to catch. “Alright, we’re invisible.” 

Kylo kept them steady as they rose smoothly through atmo into the black, a complete opposite experience to their descent. 

“They spot us?” Kylo asked once they were out of range of the surveillance network’s scans. 

Rose didn’t look up from the screen where she was monitoring the satellites. “Nope. Nothing.” 

“Good,” Kylo said, pushing the lever to take them to hyperspace. 

~---~ 

The surgical droid’s needle-like implements tickled Kira’s cheek, efficiently excising the synthskin that had covered the wound from her fight with Ben. It felt like a skittermouse running over her skin and she suppressed the urge to shiver. The droid dropped its arms with a click, signaling that it had finished its task. Kira stood, pushing it away as she walked over to a mirror in the fresher attached to the procedure room. 

She scrutinized her reflection with a carefully controlled apathetic expression. Kira was more satisfied with what she saw now than with what had confronted her a week ago. With her eyes less dull and the wound less visible, she didn’t look so appalling. Tentatively, Kira turned her head, stretching the pale pink scar across her face and neck, half-expecting it to tear open and leak blood and pain, breaking the façade of control. It didn’t, proving the work of the First Order’s treatments effective at healing the outward signs of her conflict. 

Kira felt the  _ Finalizer’s  _ gravity shift, a subtle indicator that they had left hyperspace. She slipped on the mask and drew up her hood. 

The Ren were waiting for her when she emerged from the medbay. They had confiscated a conference room in the meantime, where they had begun an impromptu knife throwing contest with Akkerd, the resident expert, as judge. 

“We’re going to the surface,” Kira announced, standing in the entryway. She noted the crude outline of a First Order officer with a general’s insignia carved forcefully into the smooth wall, stuck with blades of various types. 

“How do we know this is the one?” Ymiré asked. 

“You should feel it,” Kira reprimanded. She tilted her head. “He must be here.” 

“You’re right,” Tirian Ren agreed, donning his mask and rising to his feet. “Skywalker is near.” 

The Knights of Ren swept through the halls of the  _ Finalizer _ , a tide of darkness with Kira Ren at their head. The door to the hangar hissed open at their approach. 

“Lord Ren." The petty officer saluted, an exaggerated, nervous gesture that nearly threw him off balance. “Your shuttle is prepared.” 

Kira’s stride didn’t break and the officer scuttled back, tossed aside like flotsam as the Knights poured into the hangar. Even though the man had done literally nothing, his uniform reminded Kira of Hux, and at the moment she wouldn’t mind strangling the general. Or sticking him full of knives, like her Knights had been doing by proxy.

They’d searched five worlds already. The planet Hux’s algorithm had highlighted had been a barren rock, devoid of a life-sustaining atmosphere. The entire system was uninhabitable, so they’d been forced to move on to the next most likely system according to the predictive equation. A few false starts later, the Knights were agitated and Kira was ready to demolish the next person who breathed in her direction. 

But preliminary scans of this planet looked promising. Even more importantly, Kira’s instincts told her there was something here. 

The shuttle launched from the hangar, plunging through the black towards the cerulean globe below. Kira stood behind the pilots, the Knights clustered behind her like raptors. 

“Head for the southern hemisphere,” Kira directed, letting her feelings guide them. Below the shuttle, the scanners only indicated water, a vast ocean that felt unremarkable when she reached out through the Force, devoid of sentience but twinkling with distant lifeforms. She was certain that what they sought would be found at the dense tangle she sensed further ahead, a knot of Light and Dark so strong it was palpable, drawing her mind like an anomalous gravity field. Behind her the Knights shifted as though bracing themselves against its pull. Kira let it, continuing to give commands to the oblivious pilots, adjusting their course as they drew nearer. 

It was an island, one of many peaks sprouting from the sea. If Kira closed her eyes, she could still see it in her mind, a ghostly silhouette drawn in currents of the Force. She knew the Knights were affected by it as well. It wasn’t often that their travels took them to a vergence. Snoke discouraged such interactions with how unpredictable they could be, concerned that they were often deceptive and biased by unknown powers. But now she had no choice but to trespass – it was the Supreme Leader’s orders that they retrieve Skywalker, after all. 

The command shuttle came to rest on a prominence at the base of the island. They found themselves in the cool dawn when they disembarked, fog clinging to the sides of the summit. Her eyes swept up over the island and out across the colorless water. The night sky faded towards the horizon, still too pale to be called pink, foretelling the rising sun. The ceaseless sound of the waves crashing against the rocks and the far away cries of the avians circling the heights cast a feeling of loneliness and longing over her. The masked Ren pressed at Kira’s back, awaiting her orders. 

He wasn’t here. 

Skywalker was here, to be sure. She could sense his presence further up the incline, an all-too-familiar signature that caused the weight in her chest to harden and shrink into an inferno of hatefulness. 

But Ben was gone. He had been here, and she’d missed him. 

A small part of her, the eager, giddy portion of her soul that was foolish and confused and naïve, laid down and sighed, exhaling until all the hopefulness was gone and left her empty. 

Her fists clenched. “Secure the island’s perimeter. Make sure that he can’t escape.” 

“Sir,” Chaq said, the word a hiss through her mask’s vocoder, “do you not wish for us to accompany you?” 

“No,” Kira said. “Leave Skywalker to me.” 

She could feel their unease. Despite what they knew and the skills they possessed,  _ Skywalker _ was a legend. 

“Listen to your master,” Tirian spoke up. “Skywalker is nothing to her.” 

Kira turned her head to look at him, but the mask gave away nothing. She was sure she heard hunger in his voice, that eagerness to witness the Dark Side’s power burn away whatever dared to struggle against it. She looked away, her eyes tracing the way upwards before embarking on the climb. 

Kira barely noticed the stairs, too preoccupied with what lay ahead. 

What would Luke – no, Skywalker – do when they met? 

He’d try to kill her. He’d try to apologize to her. Her lip curled in disgust. No, he’d try to reason with her. Convince her to turn back to the Light, as he’d done with Darth Vader. The old man had told the story enough times, a moral lesson on the transcendence of the Light. 

Yet in the end, Vader had been the one to die. Kira took her lightsaber in hand. She fully intended for this encounter to end in her favor. 

The steps broke off at the foot of grassy slope, the aged stones melding into the moss. Kira ignited her weapon with a sharp crackle, singeing the mossy stones with its tip. 

The hilltop was empty except for a rusting X-wing. Kira raised her blade, advancing on the wreck. Luke was near, but she already knew that. Between her agitation and the island’s volatile energy field, it was difficult to discern his position. Steadying herself, Kira drew on a tendril of the Dark Side, wrapping it about herself like a swirling diaphanous armor. 

Kira circled the TX-57, which she recognized despite the peeling paint on its wings and the clusters of marine crustaceans clinging to its fuselage. The last time she’d seen the fighter, it had been sitting next to the  _ Grey Kestrel _ at the Academy’s landing pad on Alaris Prime. She’d assumed it had burned along with everything else. Seeing it now, sitting on the cliffside like a specter from the past, only aggravated her disquiet. The Dark coiled more tightly around her limbs, winding around her ribs like a vice. 

Kira lifted the commlink from her belt. “Silyana Ren.” 

The Knight’s voice came through clear despite her helmet’s modulator. “Master.” 

“Since you’ve been following me, although I ordered you not to, inspect the starfighter at the top of the steps. Make sure it cannot be used to escape.” 

“Yes, Master,” Silyana replied, unrepentant. 

Kira turned, letting the Dark carry her on the path that whispered vengeance. It took her down from the cliffs by a different route, a narrow track leading to a crack in the cliff’s base that reeked of Dark Side energy. She didn’t hesitate, disengaging her lightsaber to slip inside the fissure. 

Eyes were useless in the darkness, so she called upon her other senses to find the way. She pulled off her gloves and let her hand run along the wall, the rock rough and cool to the touch. It seemed a transient eternity as the Dark thickened around her until she knew she had arrived. 

The space opened around her, illuminated by a faint, dusty light that was seemingly without source. A fathomless pool of water lay in front of her feet, forcing her to skirt around it to reach the place where the Darkness was strongest, drawing her forward. 

Rather than the rough rock she’d felt in the shaft that led her here, the cave’s wall was impossibly smooth but too clouded to be truly reflective. The inexorable pull that Kira had felt, drawing her under the island, retreated abruptly when she stood in front of the wall. 

She drew in a breath. Ben had been here. This is where he’d seen his vision, and for a brief moment she heard the ghost of an echo of what he’d found. She closed her eyes, remembering his look of desolation as he looked at her, pleading with her for something. Moreover, she'd felt how it had shaken him to his core. Kira chased the impression of Ben's vision but it slipped away before it could take shape. That wasn’t what the Dark would show her, she knew. 

Kira knelt before the wall in supplication, letting herself relax. If she was to ask the Darkness for answers, she had to know what she was asking for. This was a rare opportunity.

She wasn’t sure how long she knelt in the cave, but Kira waded in undeterred by time, slowly reaching back to plumb the depths of her connection to the Dark. Her limbs grew heavy with cold, as though her body had melded with the stone. 

She did not doubt the Darkness. She’d seen its power, experienced it, coveted it for herself. It offered a sort of freedom from the burden of others’ expectations - and that’s what she wanted, was the freedom to know herself, her own desires. Her true question surfaced soon enough: was the Dark her choice, or had it been chosen for her? 

Luke had decided the Darkness in her was undeniable and judged her as he thought right. Snoke too had seen her fall to the Dark as inevitable. The Knights had followed her because of her Darkness. Leia had been so opposed to the Darkness in herself, so similar to Rey, that she had refused to even explore the Force. 

And Ben... Ben had been too frightened, believing the lies of the Light. 

Maybe Han was the only one who didn’t see her as a monster in the making, but she had proved him wrong when she murdered him in cold blood. 

Kira jerked away from the remembrance, going further back. She had only been a child when she first channeled the Dark, a scavenger girl on Jakku, using the only available weapon when she’d been attacked by lunatics: abandonment, desperation, longing, and above all, an intense loneliness. And they had  _ burned  _ under the onslaught of her pain. 

All that pain... from her parents. They had left her alone, defenseless, vulnerable. Had they known, even then, that the Darkness would come for their daughter? Was it in her blood? 

Kira lifted her hand to the wall, pressing her palm to its icy surface. “Show me my parents.” 

She opened her eyes to find herself in a void. She gasped, bracing herself on the apparent nothingness that she rested on, trying to orient herself as she gazed around her. Misty white etchings, their shapes shifting so rapidly that they blurred into lines, defined the path forward, and behind was a glowing doorway to more empty space. While she’d experienced visions before, this didn’t feel like a vivid illusion, more like a new reality. The Force was different than on the island – rather than a swirling mass of Light and Dark, here it was still, smooth, homogenous. 

Standing abruptly, she walked forward. Her footfalls made no noise, sending shimmering ripples out over the lacuna below. There was no movement in the air, almost as if she walked in a vacuum, yet vaporous whispers echoed in the silence. She came to a crossroads, divergent paths that led to more portals. They seemed to be the source of the whispers, distorted sounds from behind a dark screen. Other sounds – voices – seemed to come from further ahead, rising and falling, until they faded away. 

“Who’s there?” Kira called. She took her lightsaber in her hand but didn’t ignite it yet. 

_ Noooo! _

Kira spun about and made for the wail. It led her to a doorway, one that illuminated in flickering light as she drew near. 

A little scavenger girl stood with golden eyes, a Sith holocron gripped in her bloodless fingers. A dozen victims were suspended all around her under glimmering torchlight, their breaking bodies screaming in agony, limbs snapping and blood running from every orifice. The girl looked up and seemed to see Kira. She smiled, an expression that stretched too wide and looked even more ghoulish on her thin, dirty face. 

Kira turned away. “No,” she called to the void. “No, this is not what I asked for! I already know this!” 

The screams faded away. Kira looked back. The doorway was empty. She moved on. 

Another portal, this one showing an inky black cave where an adolescent girl huddled, more felt than seen as Kira peered through. The girl cradled her broken ankle, channeling her pain and fear and uncertainty to fuse together her injury. Kira shuddered as she watched, the phantom ache in her own ankle triggered by the agonized grimace on the younger girl’s face. Kira turned away, fists clenched and breathing shallow. 

When another doorway illuminated she approached with more wariness. She peered through to see the Temple on Alaris Prime. Burning. A young woman struggled to her feet, smeared with dirt and ash and blood, surrounded by a dozen unmoving corpses. When the woman looked up, her eyes were smoldering with the coals of hate and flame. 

Kira turned and ran. 

She wasn’t sure how long she’d run when she skidded to a halt in front of an empty portal, the distant whispers from beyond inscrutable. “Show me my parents,” she demanded, breathless. Nothing. “ _ Show me my parents,”  _ she hissed, but the Force remained unresponsive. 

Kira left the occluded doorway and wandered among the pathways for minutes or hours or days – time became non-existent. 

Suddenly she found herself standing before a portal that slowly came to life, illustrating a panoramic view of a rolling sea from a rocky overlook. A broad flat stone sat at the apex of the promontory, like a seat to rest and take in the view.  _ Could this be it?  _ She stepped forward, unthinking. 

Kira gasped. Even though the ground beneath her feet stayed solid, it felt as though the world had flipped upside down. The Force was tangled again, normal sound returned, and the light burned her eyes. Even if she was unsure how she’d traveled from the base of the island to the top, Kira recognized where she was. She found that the ledge where she stood emerged from a tall cave opening in the island’s peak. Disappointment crashed over her like a tidal wave, battering her heart. Like she had told Ben, the Dark Side only answered in riddles. 

“You’ve found me.” 

Kira flinched, taking her weapon in hand and pivoting to face her enemy. 

At first he was just a dim figure in the shadows, but as he walked forward, she focused on the glint in his blue eyes until his whole body came into view. She raised her ignited lightsaber, sputtering and spitting, eager for the hunt. 

“Skywalker,” she shouted, the rage covering the fear in her voice. “You can’t run from me anymore.” 

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Luke said, still approaching her slowly, the wind tugging at his robes, but Kira refused to back away. “I failed you.” 

“You and everyone else,” Kira spat. She pointed her blade at him, keeping the length of sizzling plasma as a barrier between them. “You thought I was hopeless.” 

“I believed that you had made your choice. I was wrong,” Luke admitted. 

“You believed the Dark Side would win in the end,” Kira returned. “So why did you run?” 

Luke looked at her, his hands loose at his sides. “I was afraid.” 

“Fear leads to the Dark Side,  _ Master _ . Don’t you know?” 

Luke tipped his head, a pained smile tugging his lips. “And that’s why I ran.” 

Kira trembled with rage, her eyes rimmed in red. “I’m going to destroy you, and everything you believe in.” 

“Strike me down in anger, and I’ll  _ always  _ be with you.” 

Kira raised her blade execution-style to bring it down on Luke. He made no move to defend himself, bowing his head. 

The lightsaber fell, cutting through the air with a piercing shriek. 

The smell of burnt fabric hit her nose and Kira stepped back. Where Luke had stood was nothing but a pile of rough woven garments. 

She stared in disbelief. But he was truly gone, she felt it, the sudden absence and shift in the Force where his life had once pulsed. And yet he had still managed to escape her.

_ No. _

Kira screamed, turning to slash at the rock behind her, leaving scorched, molten scars in the stone, glowing red as if the very walls oozed the blood of her fury. 

It was only then, as the empty robes were taken by the wind and blown out across the sea, that Kira realized once again she had let her emotions rule her actions. The Supreme Leader would not be pleased to learn she had tried to kill the last Jedi. 

“Master?” Tirian’s voice startled her. 

Kira snatched up her commlink, her fingers fumbling. “Yes?” 

“The  _ Finalizer  _ has received orders to rejoin the  _ Supremacy _ . We are to accompany them.” 

“Ren, return to the shuttle,” Kira ordered, then switched off the commlink and began to find her way down from the pinnacle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you haven't read the previous stories in this series, now's when I'm going for some shameless self-promo because this chapter references them a lot. You can find part one [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14596149/chapters/33734106) and part two [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819498/chapters/39480487)
> 
> And hey, leave a kudos and comment - I love to hear your thoughts!! Update in two weeks...


	10. 10th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks go to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

General Organa finished reading the latest report and rubbed her eyes with a sigh. No matter how many ways she looked at it, their situation remained unchanged. The Resistance leaders and its core membership were caught in a foxhole on  Crait with the First Order only a short hyperspace jump away, watching their every move. Any call for aid by the Resistance would promptly be smashed by the Order’s dreadnaughts and any chance they had at rebuilding would be shot to pieces, literally. 

Their best option was to scatter, disperse the fleet and attempt to shake the First Order. If Rose Tico’s theory was correct – and it seemed to be after several others had analyzed the data – the hyperspace tracker worked by harnessing an intensely complex algorithm to predict their flight path. But maybe they could outrun the tracker by overwhelming it. Some of them had to make it. Some of them wouldn’t. 

Leia pressed her lips together, her nose flaring slightly. She hated to run away and let the First Order strengthen and expand their hold in the galaxy, let their atrocities continue unchecked. But in her years as a rebel, Leia recognized the resiliency of guerrilla warfare. It was how movements like the Rebellion and the Resistance started, after all. But she knew it wasn’t how they ended. It stung to have come so close to standing as a true bastion against the First Order only to be blown away by their swift aggression. 

Leia signaled to Lieutenant Connix on the other side of the command center and the officer stood and came over. 

“Yes, General?” 

“I think it’s time that we make our decision. Gather the rest of the leadership.” 

“Definitely, General.” Kaydel moved quickly to carry out her orders when Leia stopped her. 

“Oh, and Connix? Tell Dameron to contact Kylo and tell him to bring Luke Skywalker in.” Even if her son and brother brought more trouble than help, Leia could admit to herself that she wanted her family close. So much had happened, and she hadn’t had a chance to process, to grieve. She straightened, determined to carry the burden just a little bit further. “Whatever the Resistance does, we’re going to be revealing ourselves and I’d rather have them both here for that.” 

Kaydel’s eyes widened and her mouth opened but no sound emerged. 

“Is something wrong, Lieutenant?” 

“Dameron can’t contact Kylo, General,” Kaydel managed. Leia noticed the color coming into Kaydel’s cheeks, and Kaydel snapped her jaw shut. 

Leia narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, he can’t?” 

“He’s not here.” 

“Lieutenant, I will only ask you one more time, and I need you to be specific. Where. Is. Dameron?” 

Kaydel grimaced. “He took a team and linked up with Kylo to take out the tracker.” 

Leia stared at her attaché, her arms crossed and her most forbidding expression on her face. “Dameron did  _ what  _ now?” 

Kaydel swallowed, then raised her chin. “Dameron took a small crew to infiltrate the  _ Supremacy, _ General, and disable the hyperspace tracker. Kylo is taking them there on the  _ Millennium Falcon _ .” 

Leia braced her hands on the holotable, her lips pressed together grimly. “He’s going to get all of us killed.” 

“I’m sorry –” 

“Quiet, Lieutenant!” Leia snapped. “You should have spoken up much sooner.” 

Kaydel jerked back and Leia cursed inwardly. She was silent for a minute, trying to wrestle with the anger rising up. 

“There will be consequences for this subversion,” Leia said in a low voice. “Now, I need –” 

Leia was staggered with the implosion of loss, her world tilting out from underneath her. Her brother, whose presence, though distant, she’d so recently regained, was suddenly gone, out of reach and removed. 

_ Luke. _

A tiny splinter of the fragile hope she stood on slipped away. 

“General!” 

Distantly, Leia was aware that she was on the ground, many hands touching her, trying to pull her up. 

Han was gone. Luke was gone. Rey was lost. Ben was likely flying to his death. The Resistance was crumbling around her, despite her desperate efforts to keep them together. 

She had faced worse, she staunchly reminded herself. The destruction of Alderaan and the death of her parents had broken her heart. She had only been nineteen. It wasn’t the first time she’d lost someone – and it wasn’t the last. Her whole life had been defined by loss in a way, starting with a mother she never met. And yet, Leia had always turned her grief into strength and purpose, pushing herself onward into the fight against the Empire. 

But she wasn’t so young anymore. Right now, Leia wanted nothing more than to lay down and fall into oblivion – a deep sleep that nothing could penetrate. Somewhere where she didn’t have to lose anyone, where she didn’t have to be strong. Stars, it was  _ exhausting _ . 

_ Leia. _

“Luke?” 

Fingers brushed over her forehead. 

_ No one’s ever really gone _ . 

She groaned. Her thoughts were fuzzy and disorganized, like someone had knocked over all the shelves in her mind, looting and destroying the books. Some things couldn’t ever be the same.

“General?” 

Leia blinked, finding herself in the provisional medbay on Crait, dusty light peeking into the barely sterile room. 

“Thank the stars. You scared us,” Kaydel breathed. Harter Kalonia and Larma D’Acy were also clustered around her bed with worried eyes. 

“We need to go,” Leia said, stripping back the covers and starting to swing her legs over. 

“Careful,” Kalonia said, reaching out with a steadying hand. “You took a little spill back there.” 

“I’m fine,” Leia snapped, turning her eyes to Kaydel. “Did you tell them to begin the evacuation?” 

“The evacuation?” 

“We have to leave.  _ Now _ .” Leia stood and pushed past the trio of startled women. “The First Order will be here soon. We may not have enough time.” 

Larma called to her. “How do you know?” 

Leia turned back, her jaw set. “I trust the Force.” 

The women exchange confused looks. 

“Commander, order your troops to begin loading the shuttles. We must rejoin the fleet in orbit.” 

Larma saluted. “Yes, General.” 

“Lieutenant, inform the rest of the Resistance command of our course of action.” 

Kaydel nodded, eyes wide with uneasiness, hurrying off to make up for lost time. 

That left Harter and Leia in the room. Leia sat down in the chair by the bed. “Doctor, I would appreciate it if you could stay with me,” Leia admitted. 

“Of course,” Harter answered. “Tell me how I can best help you.” 

Leia sighed. “I should pack.” 

~---~ 

General Hux continued to scan through the personnel files in his private office. He pulled up the next possible candidate with a sigh, knowing that there was no right answer. Any one of his top choices was still a gamble, one that could backfire on him without warning. But if he didn’t take a risk, his ambitions would quickly stagnate. Losing Starkiller Base was already a major setback – or as his opponents would gleefully put it, a career-ender. 

He still controlled the stormtrooper program, and by extension held significant influence over the army. But Hux knew how this worked. If he wasn’t outright assassinated, he’d slowly be excluded from more committees, forgotten at more meetings, omitted on more reports and communiqués. He wasn’t overly worried about assassination – he had several measures in place to prevent that. But the languorous excision from the First Order’s High Command,  _ that _ he could not tolerate. In order to recover his status, Hux needed a drastic shift in power. A fall that would catapult him upwards in their place. 

A voice spoke from the intercomm. “General?” 

Hux startled, hastily closing down the officer directory on his terminal. “Enter.” 

The door slid open and Phasma marched in, chromium armor gleaming in the harsh light from the glow panels. 

“Yes, Captain?” 

“I have word that the Supreme Leader plans to summon you within the day cycle,” she informed him, her Core accent crisp even through the domed helmet.

Hux frowned. He knew Snoke would be wanting a report on the surveillance over Crait. It was unfortunate that they hadn’t learned anything new about the Resistance’s activities – another black mark on his record, even if it wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t control the fact that they had done literally nothing in the week or so they’d been holed up on that salt rock. Hux could see now that he’d been a little overly ambitious, had spread himself too thin. For now, he had no choice but to eat his mistakes. Soon, though, he hoped he wouldn’t have to. 

“Thank you, Captain.” Hux looked down at his desk, tapping his finger on the screen to wake his datapad. He glanced back up when he realized she wasn’t leaving. 

Phasma stood unmoving, almost leaning over the desk. She was waiting for something more and he sighed inwardly, knowing what she wanted – a sign that he was doing something, that her effort wasn’t misplaced. 

“I’d like you to arrange an appointment for me with a Lieutenant Stynnix after my audience with Leader Snoke. A  _ discrete _ appointment.” 

Phasma’s helmet didn’t move, giving no indication of her thoughts. 

“We will have need of someone who can devote their time to a special project,” Hux continued, trying not to grimace when he said  _ we. _ “I believe the junior officer may be willing to take on this task.” 

Phasma’s head tilted, her shoulders sliding back in that almost casual yet solid stance. “Of course, sir. I’ll see it done.” 

“Excellent. You are dismissed.” 

The port slid shut behind Phasma with a sharp hiss. Hux sighed, gripping his head in his hands. Ever since he dragged Ren’s unconscious body from the woods of Starkiller onto that shuttle, he felt as if he’d been sprinting along the edge of a knife: one false step, and that could be the end. And if he stopped running – Hux shuddered. 

His comm chirped from his belt and Hux reluctantly checked his messages to find the summons Phasma had warned him about. 

He cursed under his breath. He had hoped for more time to prepare, but he had nothing of significance to report so he’d be embellishing his statements either way. Hux stood, glancing in the mirror beside his desk, straightening his hair and coat. There wasn’t much he could do to hide the black smudges under his eyes, the bruises showing even through the layer of powder he’d applied earlier. He snarled at his reflection before sweeping out of his office. 

Hux took the most direct route to Snoke’s throne room, the multitudinous lower-ranking officers saluting smartly as he passed through the wide corridors that made up the First Order High Command’s complex aboard the  _ Supremacy _ . Though his office wasn’t as close as he would have liked, it only took him about ten minutes to arrive and receive clearance to ascend in the secure turbolift that gave direct access to the throne room. The walk to the lift wasn’t bad. It was the quiet, interminable ride upwards that gave him time to anticipate his audience with Snoke and hear his nervous pulse thrumming in his skull. 

The port slid open and Hux launched out briskly, striding up to the throne and halting a respectful distance from the Supreme Leader’s feet. 

Hux raised his chin. “Supreme Leader.” 

“General.” Snoke’s eyes were icy as he raked them over Hux, and he felt that familiar chill. Hux suppressed a violent shiver. “Tell me, what news of the Resistance?” 

“They remain cloistered on the mineral planet Crait, Supreme Leader, with no apparent signs of attempting to regenerate their forces. It seems they have decided to lay low.” 

“They have not attempted to reach out to their allies at all?” 

“No, Supreme Leader. Not that we know of.” Hux kept his eyes fixed on Snoke, forcing his hands to stay flat at his sides even as he felt a drop of sweat slip over his temple. 

“What about supplies?” 

Hux exhaled through his nose. Snoke already knew all this – it was in the reports submitted by Hux’s staff – but he was still forced to recount a summary of the situation. Sometimes it was an honor to present the information personally, but he knew that right now the Supreme Leader was toying with him. “They aren’t getting any. No ship has entered or left the planet’s gravitational field since the Resistance arrived.” 

Snoke’s hands curled around the arms of his throne. “Is it possible that they are aware that they are being surveilled?” 

Hux attempted to straighten his shoulders in a way that looked assertive rather than flinching. “It was always possible, Supreme Leader, although we haven’t intercepted any communication indicating as much, and our probes are equipped with superior cloaking technology –” 

“You have been found out,” Snoke interrupted. His fingers twitched, and Hux found himself sailing through the air as though drawn by a cord pulled through his abdomen. The tips of his boots trailed across the slick floor, thudding comically until he abruptly halted, gasping, mere centimeters away from Snoke’s desiccated face, suspended on his toes. 

“You have failed me for the last time,” Snoke sighed, his warm, fetid breath clinging to Hux’s skin. 

“Supreme Leader, please, allow me –” 

“I have allowed far too much,” Snoke sneered, baring his yellowed teeth. “I had hoped to crush the Resistance and its allies in one blow, but now I shall be forced to ferret them out individually and destroy them one by one. Do you know how  _ tedious _ that is, General.” 

“But I can –” 

Hux’s head snapped back, caught by Snoke’s backhanded blow. He crumpled to the ground, catching himself on hands and knees. Gingerly, he touched his cheekbone and his fingertips came away with blood from where he’d been cut open by the dark gem on Snoke’s hand. 

“I think it is time that Allegiant General Pryde took over this operation,” Snoke said with false thoughtfulness. Trembling, Hux bent his head to look up at the Supreme Leader. 

“You are dismissed,  _ General.” _

Hux scrambled to his feet and fled the throne room with as much self-respect as he had remaining. In the descending turbolift, he unbuttoned his jacket and untucked his white undershirt, ripping off a strip from the hem. He dabbed at the cut on his face, holding pressure to stop the bleeding. 

Hux let the rage and humiliation course through him. He’d just slipped on the knife’s edge. But he wasn’t sure if it was fatal yet. Maybe he could still recover. 

~---~ 

The  _ Falcon  _ tunneled through hyperspace, following the navcomp’s route to the  _ Supremacy’s  _ last known location, according to the outdated Resistance intel they had to go on. Even though there was nothing for him to do until they dropped out of hyperspace, Kylo would have preferred to hide in the cockpit as Dameron’s crew was crowded into the lounge. But Chewbacca had seemed to be in one of his moods – moods that, while Kylo hadn’t been around Chewie in a while, he didn’t remember from before Starkiller Base. 

So Kylo removed himself down and made his way to the lounge where Finn and Poe tried to divine the rules of dejarik while Paige watched with a faint frown from the other side of the space, Rose napping on her shoulder. Kylo settled on a crate against the bulkhead and leaned back, observing the two men bicker over their holochess game. Kylo had been on enough missions to recognize when someone was trying to distract themselves from the upcoming danger, and he couldn’t help the wry look that twisted his lips. 

He also couldn’t help the little twinge of guilt that he was allowing Dameron to lead his crew straight to their deaths. Infiltrating the  _ Supremacy _ was an extremely ambitious endeavor, especially with so many people. At best, Kylo’s mission and theirs would be successful, and they’d all fly away on the  _ Falcon _ . At mediocre, one of them would be caught and provide a distraction for the others to succeed. At worst, both parties would be captured, tortured, and killed. 

Kylo shifted, settling his head back and closing his eyes. He wasn’t going to teach them djarik, so instead he reached out through the Force, easing his mind open. Aside from his vision in the Dark cave on Ahch-To, he hadn’t really had a moment to become reattuned to the Force and just breathe. He’d been without the Force for four years and he didn’t want to be overwhelmed by its  _ everythingness _ if he needed to rely on it once they reached the  _ Supremacy _ . Kylo exhaled through his nose and reached out with his feelings.

The Force was odd. As Luke had told him so many times growing up, it penetrated every living thing, binding the galaxy together. Yet it wasn’t locked in space or even time like the physical world. Even though while he meditated he was connected to everything in a way, Kylo wasn’t necessarily able to distinguish another individual from the tangled web even if he was aware of them. Inevitably, his thoughts sought out Rey, searching for her presence. It was a distraction, he knew, something else to focus on, just like playing djarik. But maybe if she appeared, their mysterious bond drawing them together, he could tell her that he was coming for her. He was finally ready to make things right, to stop hiding from the consequences of his actions. He’d beg her, tell her to forget the Light that expected too much and the Dark – Kylo shuddered, remembering his vision of killing Rey with the bleeding saber – the Dark cost too much. They could just run away, like she’d wanted to that night at the Academy. It was a desperate plan, he knew, but he could make it work.

Kylo knew his plan was going horribly wrong when he felt Luke die. It was like a gut punch but without the breathlessness of a real fist to the abdomen. It jolted him and his eyes flew open, finding himself on the  _ Falcon _ once again. 

Paige met his startled look and Kylo swiftly shifted his eyes away, but she was already standing. She gently settled Rose down, still asleep, before coming to take a seat on another crate next to Kylo. 

“Kylo, you seem shaken. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. I just nodded off.” 

Paige frowned, her shoulders squared. “I’m going to be honest. I don’t think I’m a kind person. Not like Rose, anyway.” 

Kylo waited, trying to focus on Paige’s words. 

“I trust you because you helped us escape the First Order before. But that was two years ago, and I can tell you’re hiding something. And just now, something happened.” 

Kylo tempered his glare into non-hostile eye contact. 

“So. Are you going to tell me?” Paige raised her eyebrows. “Or am I going to have to drag it out of you?” 

Kylo observed her for a moment. He knew from their previous encounter that she was practical, level-headed, but not apathetic. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to tell her what he knew, if even just to see an example of a normal human response. 

“Skywalker’s dead,” Kylo uttered. 

Her brow wrinkled. “Is that what you’re hiding, or what just happened?” 

“That just happened.” 

“How do you know?” 

“I felt it.” 

Across the room, Poe jumped to his feet, playfully accusing Finn of cheating. The former stormtrooper raised his hands, the beginnings of a smile on his face. 

“Through the... the Force?” Paige said, drawing Kylo’s attention back.

“Yes.” 

Paige’s arms uncrossed and she leaned forward slightly. “What did it feel like?” 

It was a startlingly personal question, but it didn’t seem so in context. Kylo sat back. “It feels... strange,” he started slowly. “Like there should be a hole or an absence where his life energy was and now there isn’t.” 

Paige watched him mull it over. 

“But it’s not like that. He didn’t disappear, he expanded, maybe.”  _ Not like Han. Han left a void that still ate at Kylo’s heart and mind. It wasn’t fair.  _ No, he couldn’t think of that. It didn’t fit into his plan - his rapidly deteriorating plan. It made things with Rey far too complicated. He needed to forget that.

Kylo inhaled, reigning in his thoughts. _ _ “It’s a sense of peace... and purpose.” 

“Purpose?” 

“Something happened,” Kylo whispered, a twist of uncertainty in his gut. “He didn’t just  _ die _ .” He met Paige’s look. 

“I’m glad you’re with us,” Paige stated, her eyes considering. “Even if you still haven’t told me what you’re hiding.” 

“Save it for our next chat,” Kylo grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Leave a kudos or comment - I love discussing the story with you all. And of course, thank you so much for reading.
> 
> Update in two weeks


	11. 11th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com)

Rose woke up when the _Millennium Falcon_ dropped out of hyperspace. She moaned, resisting the urge to roll over and fall back asleep.

It was something about this ship that made her feel so comfortable. Maybe it was the well-worn look or the multiple modifications that made it feel personal and homey. As someone inclined towards mechanical skills, places didn’t feel right unless there was a chance she could get grease in her hair.

“Come on, Rose, we need you,” Paige said, gently shaking her sister’s shoulder.

Rose sighed and yawned, pulling herself up to sit. “Where are we?”

“We just arrived at the location of the First Order’s fleet. You need to get us past the _Supremacy’s _shields.”

“Okay, just give me a second.”

Rose stretched and used the refresher, scrubbing her face with cold water in the sink, before making her way into the cockpit.

“Whoa,” she said. Kylo was already in the cockpit with Chewie, guiding their approach, and the others crowded in after her. In front of them, hanging in the dark void of space, was the floating city that was the _Supremacy_. It was massive, eclipsing most of their view, even though they were still several kilometers away. Other lesser destroyers were scattered around Snoke’s flagship, looking puny in comparison although Rose knew they were each weapons of mass destruction in their own right.

“Alright, Rose,” Kylo grumbled, engaging the sublight engines to bring them nearer to the _Supremacy_. “Do your thing.” 

Chewie shuffled aside, allowing her to sit down in the copilot’s seat once again. “Ok, cloaking our approach... now.” Rose’s face tightened in concentration as she aligned the freighter’s shields to avoid detection from the First Order’s fleet, even though with the _Falcon’s _many modifications and upgrades, her job was significantly easier than it would’ve been with any other ship. “We should be off their scopes.” 

The _Falcon_ edged closer, entering the range of the nearest Star Destroyer’s scanners. Rose kept inputting code, keeping them invisible and prepping for the _Falcon_ to slice through the _Supremacy’s _shields. Finn and Poe held their breath, leaning forward, waiting for someone to hail them and demand their business. When nothing happened, Rose rolled her shoulders.

“A little space, please?” she asked. They shuffled back with mumbled apologies. In the corner, Paige observed with a smirk.

“We’re approaching the shield,” Kylo warned.

“I’m ready,” Rose said, slipping a spike into the _Falcon’s _dashboard.

Another few tense minutes passed as the _Supremacy’s _shadow slid over the _Millennium Falcon. _

“We’re in,” Kylo announced. “Finn, it’s your turn. Where do I park her?” 

Finn stepped forward between the pilots’ chairs. He scanned the surface of the massive ship and swallowed. Pointing up and to their left, he said, “Best bet is by that exhaust port. There’s always a few maintenance hatches, and that one’s far enough away from the high security areas like the detention center or the officers’ quarters in these central sectors that we should have less to deal with on the inside.” 

“You’ve been on this ship?” Paige inquired.

“No, but it’s got to follow First Order basic design standards just like every other vessel,” Finn answered.

“But this is huge,” Poe said. “And it’s Snoke’s ship. Wouldn’t it be different than the others?”

“Well, Snoke didn’t build it,” Finn said.

They all fell silent again as Kylo maneuvered the _Falcon _carefully into place. Rose thought she felt her heart stop as they slipped into a dim juncture next to the exhaust port Finn had pointed out.

“Activate the maglocks,” Kylo ordered. When nothing happened, he glanced over at the copilot’s seat where Rose was staring out the viewport, a frozen look of wonder and fear on her face. “Rose?”

“What, me? Oh, sorry, I’m not – what –”

Kylo pointed silently at the toggle and Rose reached up and switched it. The _Falcon’s _hull reverberated as it made contact with the _Supremacy. _Rose shook herself a little, eyes wide, but did as he bade her, as efficient as always. 

“Alright, we’re here. Let’s establish a transfer with one of those maintenance hatches and get moving,” Kylo said.

“That’s right, team,” Poe said with gusto as BB-8 zipped excitedly around his feet. “Let’s go!”

Rose caught Kylo’s eye roll as everyone filed out of the cockpit and smothered a giggle under her hand. Kylo stood, putting a hand on her shoulder, at first tentative, then firm as if he’d decided to commit to it.

“You did good getting us here,” he acknowledged. 

She blushed. “Thanks.”

“But you’re not done yet,” he said. “Stay sharp.”

Rose nodded. 

“Alright.” He removed his hand abruptly and stepped back, allowing her to leave the cockpit first. 

Poe and Paige were finishing adapting the ventral dock’s coupling mechanism to connect with maintenance hatch when everyone gathered with their limited gear. Once they heard the locks click into place and the hiss of pressures equalizing, Poe stood, dusting off his knees.

“Kylo and I are going to drop in first,” he announced. “Make sure the area is clear. Then the rest will follow. At that point, Finn will be our primary navigator until we can find a port for Beebee-Ate to hook into and find us our route to the hyperspace tracker.”

The Resistance fighters nodded and Rose grabbed the necklace at her throat, the one that was identical to the one her sister wore. Up until this point, they could theoretically back out, escape back to the Resistance base on Crait, and things would return to the closest thing to normal she’d known for years. Well, unless they were court martialed, but still, that was better than whatever treatment the First Order would give them if they were captured. 

Rose glanced at her sister, but Paige looked calm and ready, her eyes fixed on the men preparing to breach the First Order’s ship. Rose exhaled slowly, then straightened, setting her shoulders back. She could do this – she knew it. She had to do it, too, for everything they’d lost and everything they stood to lose if they didn’t complete this mission.

The hatch hissed open and Poe clambered through, Kylo on his heels. The rest of the team followed suit, trying to reorient themselves to the _Supremacy’s _artificial gravity while not letting go of the metal rungs welded to the bulkhead or step on the fingers of the person below them. Soon they were all crammed in a dingy maintenance shaft, full of hissing pipes and bundles of wire. BB-8 was the last to come through, Chewbacca trying to lower him through while Kylo and Poe clumsily grabbed ahold of the rotund astromech with Paige giving occasional direction. 

Rose took the moment to take in their surroundings. This part of the ship looked like just about any other large vessel’s industrial parts: unpolished and dimly-lit. But even so, something about it unnerved her - maybe the unrelenting repetition of the evenly spaced hatches, the grated walkway their party stood on going off in both directions until she couldn’t distinguish the distance. Still, she knew what this was: part of a machine built to subdue and destroy innocent people. Her nose wrinkled in distaste. She hated this ship. Suddenly she wished their mission was to blow it to pieces, not just disable the tracker. If she could, she’d make this whole ship burn. She wanted to make them _hurt_. 

Finn bumped her elbow, fidgeting as he stood next to her. She looked up and saw his eyes darting around, taking in the corridor like she had.

“Is this where they made you work?” she whispered.

Finn startled, his gaze fixing on her. She noticed then his white-rimmed eyes blinking too quickly and shallow breaths puffing from parted lips. 

“Hey.” She took his hand, and even though it was a little sweaty, she held on until his fingers relaxed enough to grip hers back. “You can do this. I know it.”

“I’m not supposed to be here,” Finn said. “They’ll find us – they know we’re here –”

“No, they don’t,” Rose said firmly. “And you’re going to make sure of it. You beat them once and you’re going to do it again."

Finn kept staring at her, his breathing slowly coming back to something close to normal. Eventually she squeezed his hand and let go. 

“You alright?” she asked.

He nodded. “Better. Thanks.”

Rose turned back to the rest of their group. With BB-8 safely transferred to the _Supremacy, _Chewbacca moaned his well wishes and secured the hatch behind them. Kylo looked just a few degrees off from thunderous after having Poe nearly drop BB-8 on his head a few times and on his foot for sure. 

“Alright. Keep your heads down,” Poe said eagerly in a low voice. “Finn, you’re up. Where to?”

Finn rolled his shoulders and stepped forward. “We need to go a little deeper in, to one of the bigger tunnels they use for distributing supplies around the ship. There still won’t be many officers or crew, but the dataports will have access to the ship’s main systems. Any ports around here will have limited access for diagnostic purposes.”

“Excellent. Lead the way.”

Finn nodded then turned, Rose on his heels. The rest of the group followed with BB-8 trundling along behind. Finn took them around the next corner, deeper into the ship. They all were on edge and Rose could feel the tension, the hum and occasional hiss of the machinery around them filling the silence. 

“Where are we going?” Rose whispered.

“Further in,” Finn answered, his face set determinedly, but he didn’t look over at her. Rose looked down at his hand and saw he held a blaster now, the safety disengaged. She looked away.

While Kylo brought up the rear, Poe walked just behind Finn, clearly repressing his instinct to be in front from the number of times he stepped on their heels. “No talking, you two,” he said.

“Sorry,” Rose apologized hastily, falling back next to her sister. Finn didn’t need her with him anyway.

At every intersection, Finn and Poe would step forward, swinging their weapons as they looked for First Order soldiers, then waving the rest of them forward cautiously. Once they heard footsteps echoing from around a corner and they all froze until the clomping boots faded away. After a few more turns and doorways, the corridors began to change. The floor beneath their feet changed from metallic grating to smooth paneling, and the lights changed from the dull yellow sconces to continuous pale overheads.

“We’re getting close,” Finn said over his shoulder. “Start looking for that dataport.”

“You there! Halt!”

Rose nearly ran into Finn’s back as he slammed to a stop. The rest of the group checked themselves, freezing as a squad of stormtroopers trained their blaster rifles on them.

“How’d you get on board? State your business!”

Finn froze, his mouth half-open. Beside him, Rose reached up and snagged the back of his shirtsleeve.

“I said state your business!”

Rose watched in horror as the first stormtrooper lifted the commlink on his wrist to his mouth, when Kylo stepped in front of the group, his hand raised in a gentle wave.

“It’s okay that we’re here.”

Rose shivered at the underpinning of forceful calm in Kylo’s words, glad he wasn’t speaking to her. 

The stormtroopers’ posture slumped, the grip on their blasters going lax. “It’s okay that you’re here.”

“You’re going to leave us here and then you’re going to go on your way,” Kylo stated, his hand curving through the air.

Rose watched in awe as the troopers dutifully repeated what Kylo had said. When she glanced at the others, they looked similarly disquieted.

“Can he do that to us?” Poe asked no one in particular. “_Has_ he done that to us?”

Kylo turned to him. “What do you think?”

Poe glared. “Not cool.”

"You’re welcome,” Kylo stated. He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “This is stupid. We’re not going to make it anywhere like this.”

“He’s right,” Finn spoke up, recovering his voice. “There’s no way we’ll make it to the hyperspace tracker without running into another patrol or getting spotted on surveillance.”

“Now?” Poe said furiously. “Now you guys decide to tell me all this?”

Kylo shrugged. “Nothing we didn’t know. It was always likely to be a suicide mission.”

“No one’s dying just yet,” Paige pointed out. “Now what would be great is if instead of you idiots making wild absolute statements, maybe we can think of a solution. Finn? You know how this place works. What do you think?”

Finn glanced around the group and saw that everyone was looking at him expectantly. Rose gave him a hopeful smile, and he exhaled, keeping her gaze. “Uniforms. We need uniforms to blend in. It’ll be quicker, too, than taking the back ways and maintenance access links.”

“Again, why are we just coming up with this now?” Poe said, waving his hands in exasperation.

Paige shushed him. “What about security clearance? Won’t it get suspicious when we can’t even get through a doorway?” 

Finn looked to Rose again. “Between Rose and BB-8 we can slice our way into the secured areas we need to access, but there won’t be much between us and there. They’re kind of arrogant like that. They don’t expect their own to turn on them.”

“Alright, uniforms it is.” Kylo pushed away from the wall. “Where are we going to get those?”

~---~

It took them only about half an hour to find the laundering facility. It was surprisingly easy if someone knew what to look for – and Finn was apparently that someone. 

“The First Order does everything the same, every time,” Finn explained to Rose in a whisper as they crept down the corridor, a little way ahead of the others. “Even the pipes. And when you see that many hot and cold water pipes on the maintenance deck, and you find a sewage pipe _here _–” he broke off to point to the thick duralloy tube plunging from ceiling to floor “– you know you’re underneath a laundering facility.”

Rose wrinkled her brow. “Really?”

“It’s also steamier and smells like the First Order’s cleaning agent,” Finn added. He frowned, his expression clouding. “I think I miss that smell.”

“Well, I’m sure it smells better than living with the Resistance, because I’m pretty sure no one knows how to wash their own clothes, or themselves for that matter,” Rose said. 

“It does smell, doesn’t it?” Finn whispered. “I thought I was just being weird.”

“It can get pretty bad,” Rose admitted. “When you’re living on the run, hygiene isn’t everyone’s first thought.”

“Hmm.” Finn halted, staring up at the ceiling where a hatch sat at the top of a ladder embedded into the wall. “I’ll go first, make sure there’s nobody there. Shouldn’t be, unless they’re repairing the equipment.” He started to climb.

Rose glanced back at her sister, who raised her eyebrows. Rose felt a little warmth in her cheeks. She looked back to Finn, right up at his ass as he ascended the ladder and shoved open the hatch. She stepped back hastily. 

“Don’t tell me we’re going to have to get Beebee up there,” Poe groaned. 

“No, we’re not,” Finn said from above. He clambered through then reappeared, with some kind of rectangular box in his hand. He dropped it to Rose. “It’s a laundry hamper. It should fit.”

BB-8 squealed in protest when the hamper settled over him, but quieted when Poe soothed him. “We’ll be back, buddy. Just hang here for a minute.”

The laundry facility was entirely automated, with only a few droids busy at work, too occupied in their tasks to bother with the five strangers pilfering from their neat, endless stacks of pressed uniforms. Everyone stood uncertainly until Rose nudged Finn.

“What should I wear?” she whispered. “I don’t know what all these things are.”

“Oh.” Finn dropped the cap he’d been staring at. “Um…” He looked her up and down. “Let me get you something.”

Soon Finn had outfitted each person with the appropriate choices and they ducked into different corners to change.

“I don’t like it,” Rose said to Paige as she fidgeted with the jacket’s fastening. “It’s itchy and stiff.”

Paige straightened the cap on Rose’s head. “Keep your chin up,” Paige said. “You’re much braver than any other person who could wear this uniform.”

“You look ridiculous,” Poe said to Kylo as he tucked the TIE pilot’s helmet under his elbow. “Everyone can tell you’re wearing clothes under that technician’s get up. And your boots -”

“I wear what I want to.”

“Okay, whatever. But seriously, I feel like I look good in black. What do you think?” He cocked a hip, grinning a little.

Paige snorted, fastening the jacket of her officer’s uniform. 

“It was just a little humor,” Poe huffed. “Alright, everyone. Let’s go.”

Everyone grabbed their gear, stuffing their old clothing into the incinerator before dropping back through the hatch.

“I’m leaving now,” Kylo said. Rose looked up, something about the way he said it.

“What do you mean? You’re coming with us,” Finn said. 

Kylo shook his head. “I’ve got my own thing to take care of. Just get back to the _Falcon_ and Chewie will get you out.”

“No,” Finn said, stepping towards him. “I already had to drag your ass out once. I’m not doing it again.”

“Don’t worry about me. Go,” Kylo ordered. 

Poe let out a grunt. “Come on, we have a mission to complete.”

Finn protested. “But –” 

Poe grabbed his arm. “He’s not going to come, and we’re wasting time.”

“How can you just leave –”

“He’s got that Leia look when she’s made up her mind. We have to let him go,” Poe said. “Now, let’s move.”

Finn let Poe pull him back, but he glared at Kylo. “Meet us back at the _Falcon_, okay?”

Kylo looked away. 

Rose floundered, stuck between trying to convince Kylo to come with them or follow the stormtroopers that were leaving them behind. She’d seen enough horror holoshows to know that splitting up was never a good idea.

“So this is what you weren’t telling us,” Paige stated. Kylo’s eye twitched, but he didn’t respond. Paige shook her head. “Come on, Rose. Let’s go.”

Rose grabbed her sister’s elbow. “But Paige -”

“He was never going to stay with us,” Paige said, glancing at Kylo, who shifted his weight to the other foot. “There are other forces at work here, and he has a different part to play.” Paige turned and walked away. 

Rose felt her face screw up, almost as if she was about to cry. She looked up at him. “Bye, Kylo. Stay safe.”

Before he could respond, Rose scurried after the others as they turned a corner. When she stopped to look back, Kylo stood alone in the corridor, his back to her and his head bowed. Rose felt a pang of sympathy for him even though she didn’t quite understand it. Paige touched her shoulder, startling her.

“Come on, Rose,” she said. “We’ve got a job to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos to let me know what you think - I love hearing your feedback!!
> 
> Update in two weeks


	12. 12th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally goshdarnit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for looking over this chapter
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

This is when Kylo’s plan ended. Or rather, his lack of a plan became apparent. 

He knew he had to get to the _Supremacy_ and find Rey. How he was going to find her, or what he was going to do when he did – that was what he had tried to avoid thinking about for the past few days. Paige had known he was keeping something hidden, well, he had been hiding it from himself too.

He’d been successful for the most part, but now, standing on board the First Order’s flagship, he could feel the Dark seeping through the halls like a miasma, swarming up his legs and torso to chill his heart, then further still, drawing out the vision he’d been gifted in the cave on Ahch-To.

Rey, speared on the humming bloody blade in his hand, demanding that he kill her, dragging the lightsaber deeper into her gut as her flesh sizzled.

Kylo shuddered. He didn’t want that. The thought made him sick, nauseous.

Or did he? He’d almost done it once, on Starkiller. He’d wanted to do it then – the grief and rage from his father’s murder still fresh. Why was he here if he wasn’t going to finally end this struggle that had torn him apart for so long? Give into the Darkness and finally take his birthright? Become more than a failure and a coward?

“Switch off,” Kylo muttered, shoving away the Dark thoughts. His eyes jerked up, realizing he had been standing still for longer than was prudent. He searched the corridor for anyone who could have seen or heard him, but it was still blessedly empty. He needed to move.

Kylo went to the corner where the Resistance team had turned and headed in the opposite direction. Not for any particular reason other than he didn’t want to encounter them again. His exit strategy was about as well-developed as the rest of his plan, and he didn’t want to complicate things if they crossed paths.

Kylo crept through the halls, ducking into alcoves whenever he heard footsteps approaching. The technician’s uniform would satisfy anyone looking at the first glance, but their subconscious would likely start to realize something wasn’t quite right, and the last thing he wanted was to be thrown out of an air lock because his boots weren’t First Order standard issue. He could use more mind tricks, but they were unreliable with their results – the stormtroopers earlier had been susceptible, but there was no guarantee the next unfortunate would be. 

Kylo made his way up to the main decks and he straightened, trying to look purposeful before emerging into a more central hallway. He couldn’t avoid all the mouse droids, but they had limited intelligence programming and minimal logic matrices anyway, so they wouldn’t notice anything out of the ordinary short of blasterfire. He kept his eyes forward and down as another patrol went by, but they didn’t even glance in his direction. He had to step out of the way for a pair of self-important officers who didn’t bother to alter their path to avoid him. While it was irritating, it was also gratifying that his flimsy disguise was holding up. It wouldn’t last though. He had to find her, and soon.

He kicked himself for thinking about Rey again, his hands tightening to fists with his nails biting into his palms.

If he wasn’t going to kill her, what did he expect would come from seeing her face-to-face again? He should want to destroy her after what she’d done to Han - that’s what the Dark on Ahch-To had reminded him. But deep down he knew it was his fault. No matter how she fought against the truth, it was his fault that she’d been abandoned, that she’d felt her only choice was to turn to the Dark. He deserved justice – the Dark _demanded_ it, one way or another.

But an even deeper darkness welled up inside him, one that he had forgotten to miss, but one that had kept him company all those lonely, tortuous nights on the _Pearl_ when he’d been running away from everything and everyone. It carried familiar, well-worn thoughts that imagined throwing himself at Rey’s feet only for her to reject his pleas for forgiveness.

Those fantasies always ended with _her _blade in _his_ gut.

Even if it meant forcing her hand. Maybe she would finally destroy him, and he could atone for everything. Maybe it would be enough to pay for his sins, for his father’s death, for his betrayal of Rey.

He left the busy corridor and stepped beside a recessed data terminal to calm his thoughts, running a hand through his hair with shaking fingers. He still had no idea where he was going. The First Order was apparently very stingy with directional signage, something he remembered from his frantic escape through Starkiller Base. He briefly considered reaching out with his feelings and letting the Force guide him to her, but his anxiety quickly nixed that idea. He had to keep his Force signature shielded – he couldn’t afford to let the Knights of Ren discover his presence first, or worse, Snoke.

So Kylo had no choice but to rely on simple deduction to find her and determine the only place where he knew she would be eventually. He had to find her quarters.

He knew they were likely to be with the other high-ranking accommodations on the upper levels. Kylo reached a junction, an open space that extended several levels upwards. The floor dropped off ahead of him, narrow catwalks reaching out to the minor power reactors. Beside him was a bank of turbolifts. Quickly, ignoring a pair of troopers tramping by and the officer trailing a black BB unit, he summoned a turbolift.

It took him a few tries, but on the third attempt he found the level he was looking for. It was quieter on the upper levels. He passed a few officers who barely spared him a glance when they saw the technician’s uniform.

When he found her quarters, it was deceptively obvious. He nearly walked past it, a corridor that stretched a long way before terminating in a set of blast doors, setting it apart from the rest of the officer’s quarters. Something else struck him as wrong about that corridor and it took him a moment to realize what it was: dust. The rest of the sector had been spotless, the floors and walls scrubbed to the point of being slick, but here the corners held bits of dirt as though no one had bothered to clean – or maybe they’d rather not approach what lay at the end of the hall. The glowpanels, too, seemed slightly dimmed as though dust had been collecting there untouched for too long. 

Kylo moved quickly to the end of the hallway before anyone could come upon him, and he only hesitated a second before touching the access panel to open the doors.

The blast doors slid open and he stepped back, reaching into his borrowed jumpsuit to grip the hilt of his blaster. To his relief, no one was waiting on the other side. He waited for an alarm to blare or a warning to flash, betraying him, but nothing happened. Kylo exhaled and entered the quarters of the Knights of Ren. 

No one was home. He walked through the eerily quiet rooms, his entire body tense with the expectation that one of Kira’s masked furies would materialize around a corner. He let his senses expand slightly, seeking to anticipate an unpleasant surprise. But there was nothing – they were gone and had been for a few days, at least. 

The hall was dark, but as he passed, dim light glowed from the floorboards then faded away again. It was unnervingly silent except for the whisper of recycled air from the vents and the ever-present hum of a starship in space. From what he could see, the common areas were well-furnished but not well-lived in. He could understand now why there hadn’t been more deterrents in place when he opened the blast doors: they didn’t care if someone intruded. The space felt distinctly sterile and impersonal. The only feature of interest was an expansive viewport that overlooked the portside wing of the _Supremacy _and the distant triangular specks suspended in the void that made up the rest of the fleet. Kylo stopped at the transparisteel to look out. The sheer vastness of the First Order flagship defied human comprehension, but he wasn’t here to gawk.

The Knights’ personal quarters were lined up further down the hall. These doors were clearly locked and secured so only their tenants could enter, likely with a manipulation of the Dark Side enforcing the physical bolts. Hers, he knew, would be at the end of the corridor.

The anxiety and panic he had been repressing since the _Falcon_ had arrived at the _Supremacy_ caught up to him in a wave, combining with the more recent disappointment that she wasn’t here. 

The door was locked; the access panel didn’t even respond to his touch. Beyond he felt a dull sense of waiting Darkness, but nothing more.

Her absence made sense, now that he realized it. She had been eager, on edge when they’d last connected, probably because she knew something. As he stood in front of the uncompromising door, Kylo had a sudden sinking feeling that she had been involved in Luke’s death. Somehow she’d found his uncle despite not having the complete map. It wasn’t so impossible, really if the First Order could track a fleet of ships through hyperspace using a supercomputer algorithm, they could certainly find one grumpy old man who had stayed in the same place for the past five years.

His nausea thickened in his gut, realizing that Rey – _Kira Ren_ – had murdered another member of his family. And now here he was, literally groveling at her doorstep, begging her to pass judgment on him next. The brief moment of irony was overwhelmed by a flash of anger. Kylo pounded on the door, but it didn’t yield, of course. He considered using the lightsaber he carried on his hip, hidden under the jumpsuit, but that would be a waste. She wasn’t here.

But then – 

As though the thought had summoned her, the inconspicuous hum of the ship was washed away, leaving a void of sound except for his ragged breathing. Kylo turned, and saw a dark spectre wreathed in shadow standing in the hallway behind him. 

“Rey.”

The lights at the floorboards didn’t glow around her because she wasn’t truly there; she was only real to him. She was left in darkness but he could feel her presence in the Force, so genuine and vivid it took his breath away.

“Ben.” She stepped closer to his little circle of light. She was wearing her full gear, the thick material of her jacket hiding the armor she wore. But her hood was pushed back and the helmet missing, showing her red-rimmed eyes and tangled hair. Her brow wrinkled in confusion. “What are you wearing?”

He glanced down at himself, remembering his First Order attire. “I came to find you.”

She blinked, then her face settled into a frown. “You should’ve waited on the island.”

“You found Luke?”

Her eyes didn’t waver. “Yes.”

Kylo felt his nostrils flare before he could school his expression. “You didn’t have to kill him.”

“No.” She tightened her hands into fists, the leather of her gloves creaking. “I wanted to.”

“But why –”

“Because Skywalker wanted _me _dead.” She let out her breath in a hiss. “Snoke wanted him alive.”

Kylo didn’t know how to engage with either of those statements. A beat passed. “Is that why you killed Han? To piss off Snoke?”

Her eyes finally skipped away from his. “No.”

“Was it because you hated him?”

“Of course not.” She had the edge of her cloak wrapped around her fist, and the fabric was stretched taut across her knuckles. “He wanted me to come home.”

Kylo felt himself trembling. “Then _why_? I’m trying to understand.” _Do you want me dead too?_

Rey took a step back but he grabbed her elbow and held her in place, not thinking to be surprised that he could touch her, even though she was lightyears away.

“Why didn’t you just kill me instead?” he demanded, keeping his voice low. “You could’ve, so easily, when I was your prisoner, cut off from the Force. Why didn’t you?” 

“Because I’m weak,” she said quietly.

“Not good enough.” He could feel her disquiet, see it in the way she held herself so still, as if something might break if she so much as exhaled. “Why did you kill my father?” he repeated, his voice breaking on the last word

“I had to make a choice,” she whispered. “One that showed the Dark Side was my decision. It belonged to me, not anyone else.”

“But why him?” Kylo said, the anger he felt coming out as despair.

“Because he’s the only one who believed I could come back.”

It hurt. Real, physical pain that burned behind his eyes and lodged claws in his chest. 

She was right, of course. Everyone else, Kylo included, was so blinded by their ignorance and fear of Rey’s ability with the Force that they had forgotten that she was more than a Force-user. 

Kylo had always thought that his father was the ignorant one, unable to sense or manipulate the Force or understand what it was like to be so connected to everything around them. But the Force had blinded Kylo to the rest of the galaxy, one that Han had tried to share with him and Rey in his own way.

With a jolt, Kylo realized he understood, and he wished he didn’t. He understood why she’d killed Han. And even though the thought made the bile rise and burn in his throat, he knew that if it had been him instead of her standing over the chasm on Starkiller, on the precipice between light and dark – 

He would have done it too. 

He shuddered and dropped to his knees, his hands twisting into his hair. There was no way he could do what the Dark wanted, even aside from his weakness, he had no right to destroy her for something he could have done just as easily in another lifetime. 

Kylo just wanted to be free from this endless, relentless pain. 

“I’m sorry,” he gasped.

Her fingers slid under his chin, lifting his face to hers as she knelt in front of him. “It’s not your fault,” she chided gently.

He met her gaze, relaxing the painful grip on his head. Her eyes glistened with the beginnings of tears.

“I should have been there for you.”

“Ben –”

“I was so wrong to leave. And I did it again, and again.”

The first tears slipped free, leaving damp tracks across her cheeks. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away the tears. He searched her face, noting every detail from the sharp curve of her cheekbone to the soft rise of her brows. 

“Rey.” His breath came out in a shuddering exhale before he locked onto her wide eyes. “You’re not alone anymore.” 

He said it easily as though observing a plain truth, but the depth to his voice made it sound like the most binding oath.

She inhaled sharply, her hazel eyes luminous, outshining the lingering pain.

“Neither are you,” she answered. 

She must have felt the rising heat in his expression because her eyes flickered to his mouth, and that’s all the warning he got before Rey leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. 

It was artless, more of a collision than a kiss with the way their noses mashed together and she almost fell onto him. He sat back, pulling her with him as one hand found her waist and the other supported him from behind so they didn't tumble over completely. Her hands slid into his hair, tugging him closer as she leaned over him.

He saw it then, as vividly as he felt the way her taut body slid eagerly against him, the way her soft lips moved hungrily over his, their legs tangling as they tried to get closer without breaking apart.

It was their future.

And _stars_, the image of what will be, of them, _together_, finding peace with each other and the universe, nearly rent his heart in two for the ache of wanting it. But, no, she was here, now, and he groaned deep in his throat as she arched against him.

Kylo was just starting to consider doing something more, like slipping his hand under her many layers or pulling them down to let her fully devour him, when she broke away, staring into his eyes again. He couldn’t help but smile, the covetous, desperate ache in his chest bundled away and forgotten as she smiled back at him. The incredulity and the light in her face told him without a doubt that she had seen the future too, _their _future_._

“Where are you?” she said with a desperate breathlessness.

“The _Supremacy_,” he answered without hesitation.

Her eyes flickered with concern before blooming with excitement. “Wait for me,” she urged.

“Rey –”

She was gone, leaving only the impression of her weight and her warmth in his hold. 

Kylo sat up slowly, elbows on his knees as he looked at his empty hands. A self-deprecating, disappointed chuckle slipped out into the silence of the Knights’ suite. It took a few minutes before he was collected enough to stand on his feet.

There was no question what he was going to do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT ONLY TOOK 150K WORDS. I hope it was worth it.
> 
> So I'm trying out the tweeting thing to see if I like it - hit me up if you're into the [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)
> 
> As always, lmk what you think with a comment or kudos, and thanks so much for reading! Update in two weeks 😊


	13. 13th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for beta'ing yet another chapter!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Hux eyed the girl sitting on the other side of his desk. 

She was young, although not as young as her small frame made her seem. Her skin was pallid from spending the entirety of her childhood aboard First Order vessels. Furthermore, her record was completely unremarkable, and not in the reassuring way that meant she hadn’t received any official reprimands for disorderly behavior or uniform violations, but it was disturbingly empty of anything of significance. She was a nobody within the ranks. 

Even so, Hux was confident that he had made the right choice now that she was sitting across from him. Despite her un-intimidating size, her posture was strong and unyielding and she met his scrutiny steadily, her eyes burning with ambition. 

He could mold that ambition. 

“Lieutenant Stynnix,” he began. “I will be frank with you. I have an assignment that I believe would suit you well. It’s not glamorous, and it would require a level of discretion, but if you were to succeed in your task, it would benefit the First Order greatly.” 

He paused, but she merely waited for him to continue, her gaze sharp. 

“However,” he grimaced, “you may be aware my standing is not what it was just a few short weeks ago. By accepting this position within my staff, you would be aligning yourself with my position.” 

Her brow wrinkled slightly. Hux stretched his lips in a smile. Let her think she had a choice in the matter. “I say this not to discourage you, but to present you with the options.” 

Stynnix shifted to the edge of her seat, her face brimming with a carefully tempered eagerness. “What of my current duties?” 

“You will maintain any current assignments.” 

She nodded. “And when do I have to give you my decision?” 

“I’ll need it immediately.” 

Her eyebrows jumped at that, but she didn’t seem surprised, more like excited. “I accept the assignment, General.” 

“Excellent.” Hux smiled as genuinely as he was able. “I’ll be sending you an encrypted dossier to begin with. Dismissed, Lieutenant.” 

Stynnix rose quickly to her feet and saluted. “Sir.” 

Hux stood and followed her out of the office. The girl only flinched slightly when the door slid open to reveal Phasma’s hulking figure just outside. 

“Captain.” Stynnix snapped another sharp salute before turning and stepping smartly away down the corridor. Phasma’s helmet turned to keep her in sight until she turned the corner. Phasma turned back to look at Hux and he felt the question in her glance. He gave a quick shake of his head and she relaxed infinitesimally. 

“What is it?” Hux prodded. 

“There’s been a potential breach.” 

Hux gave her a flat stare. “A breach?” 

“Yes.” 

“Of what nature?” 

“Internal. Unauthorized data access.” 

“Is that all.” Hux scowled, already turning back to his office. He may have been demoted but was hardly at the level of investigating minor infractions, which, although concerning, were common enough. 

Phasma tilted her head. “No, that’s not all.” 

Hux paused at the hint of eagerness in her tone. He spun slowly on his heel to face her. “Tell me.” 

~---~

It hadn’t even been a month since Finn escaped this place, but coming back has left his mind a burning wreck of emotions. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears as he kept his gaze fixed straight ahead, praying no one would notice the drop of sweat slipping from under his stolen officer’s cap and down his temple. 

Even though living with the Resistance was a huge culture shock for someone who had been accustomed to having his life run for him, walking through the rigid sterile halls of the _ Supremacy _ felt wildly uncomfortable even though part of him was satisfied by the familiarity and predictability of the ship’s layout. But every time they came across someone, he just _ knew _ they would see him in the petty officer’s uniform, a _ stolen _uniform that he shouldn’t be wearing, a uniform that now had growing sweat stains because he was this close to freaking out again – they'd see him and turn him in for insubordination. 

Finn knew Rose was picking up on his anxiety again because she kept giving him glances that he staunchly avoided. He knew she would try to help him, but he didn't want to use her like a crutch. If anything, he’d like her to see him as capable of doing this simple thing on his own. 

Because yeah, it was simple. Just walk his friends to the nearest data port, figure out where this hyperspace tracker thing was, then take them there and knock it out. Simple, really. 

His steps quickened, Rose kept pace at his side. Paige and Poe followed on their heels, their faces hidden under their TIE pilot helmets. 

“This way,” he muttered, finally catching sight of a central data port in an out-of-the-way corner. “Here. This will work.” 

“Alright, Beebee,” Poe said, sounding obnoxious through his helmet’s vocoder. “Find the hyperspace computer... tracker... thingy.” 

BB-8 shrilled something extremely rude and upset from under his laundry hamper. 

“Sorry, buddy,” Poe said, hastily lifting the container that hid the astromech from view. “Your paint job doesn’t fit in with the First Order’s aesthetic.” 

BB-8 twittered angrily, but rolled forward to plug his dataprobe into the port. 

Rose knelt down next to the droid as the others stood to make a shield around them, attempting nonchalance. Finn watched, fidgeting with the cuffs of his jacket – well, not his jacket, the jacket he was wearing, that he stole. Rose shot him a look as if she knew what he was thinking again. He gave her a tight nod, and she smiled briefly before returning her attention to BB-8. 

“Did you find it yet?” she whispered to the droid. 

BB-8 whistled blithely, his probe spinning the port’s interface around as he downloaded the _ Supremacy’s _internal schematics. A few tense, long minutes later, he pulled out and spun around to face the group, spewing a rapid series of excited beeps. 

“He says it’s not far from here,” Rose said. “He can lead us straight there.” 

“Not like that.” Poe held up the hamper again. “Sorry, Beebee.” 

Two officers and a pair of pilots followed a laundry hamper through the corridors of the _ Supremacy _. Thankfully, because BB-8 had the schematics in his databank – as well as the patrol schedule for the sectors they had to pass through – he was able to take them on a route that minimized their chances of encountering any unfriendlies who might question why they were following the lead of a dirty clothing receptacle. 

BB-8 guided them to a discrete doorway, one that hardly seemed significant enough for what lay beyond it. They all wedged themselves into the alcove while Rose fiddled with the door’s locking mechanism. 

“How much longer?” Finn whispered. 

Rose pressed her lips together. “It does take some amount of time to do these things,” she muttered. “It’s not a spontaneous kind of deal. I have to bypass the security protocol so the alarm doesn’t go off and then override the lock.” 

“So...” 

Rose gave him a harassed look. “Two minutes. Okay?” 

“Okay, sure.” 

Finn felt a hand clamp on his shoulder and turned to see Paige with a raised eyebrow. “Take a breath, fighter. We’re almost there.” 

Finn took a step back and tried to believe her. They were close – according to BB-8, the main power core for the hyperspace tracker’s supercomputer was right on the other side of the door. But the voice that had been steadily getting louder in his head – and now was at about a scream – was telling him that they still had to get out. Or rather, it was telling him to get out _ right now _. 

Suddenly there was a snap and a pop that caused everyone to jump, and the door shot open. 

“I got in!” Rose announced. 

“We can see that,” Poe said, giving an encouraging nod of his head to urge her forward. 

“Move,” Paige said, shoving Poe through the door. “Everyone, let’s go.” 

Their group funneled through the door, which Rose promptly triggered so that it slammed shut and locked behind them. 

“There it is,” Finn said, jogging forward towards the sparking power core behind a ray shield. 

“Beebee-Ate, find a dataport,” Rose said, lifting the hamper from over the astromech so he could roll free. “We’ve got to access that supercomputer.” 

BB-8 squealed and darted to a little niche where the dataport was hidden. Poe and Paige lifted off their helmets, the former ruffling his hair and sighing in relief. Paige, on the other hand, looked more than a little on edge as she glanced around the room uneasily before settling on the power core and the rows of data processing banks flanking the frizzling power core. 

“That was easy,” Poe commented. Finn turned back and gave him a look of disbelief. 

Paige slowly faced Poe, her expression stony. “Your definition of easy is inaccurate,” Paige scoffed. 

Throwing his arms in the air, Finn exclaimed, “Yeah, we nearly got caught.” 

“But we didn’t,” Poe pointed out, waving his hand dismissively. 

Ignoring their debate, Rose went towards the console embedded in the wall near the shimmering ray shield keeping the power core contained. 

“For Force sake, this is serious,” Paige snapped, pointing an accusing finger in Poe’s face. “I know you think you’re invincible, but the rest of us aren’t. And as leader, you need to act like you realize that. This is not a kriffing game.” 

Finn edged away, his tense nerves jangling, taken aback by the vehemence in Paige’s words even though he completely agreed. 

“It's not my fault that Kylo ditched us.” Poe put his hand up in defense. 

“He got us here, like he said. And he wasn’t kriffing _ flippant _ about it.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

Finn shifted his feet and glanced back at Rose, who was studiously at work on the console, ignoring Paige’s scolding. 

“Never again, Dameron.” Paige clenched her teeth, turning away and seething. 

Poe met Finn’s eyes and gave a one-shouldered shrug, just as they heard the pneumatic hiss of a door sliding open. Poe’s eyes darted towards the noise as Finn turned to see for himself. 

“Look out!” Poe cried, but it was too little too late as the squads of troopers poured into the room. 

“You there, hands up!” 

“Drop your weapons!” 

“On your knees, rebel scum!” 

Finn was stuck, several instincts battling it out in his mind. One voice was screaming at him to run, another to yield. The strongest instinct had him grasping at the air where his standard First Order issue blaster rifle would be as he took a step forward, obeying the squad leader’s barked command to subdue the rebels before he remembered who he was now. 

He knew this would happen. He had been an idiot to think otherwise. His mind was having trouble with the reality, so familiar yet so wrong. He wished he had his helmet, the comforting weight filtering the noise and light to something tolerable. 

Someone grabbed his shoulders and shoved Finn down until his knees buckled and he slowly raised his hands behind his head. Vaguely, he was aware of Poe shouting, of Rose crying out, of Paige reaching for her sister. Poe was struggling, cursing and snarling. He somehow managed to knock out one trooper before two more wrestled his arms to his side. 

“Poe! _ Poe _! Stop!” Paige was shouting, kneeling beside Rose whose eyes were stretched wide in fear. 

It was only a moment, but the moment seemed endless to Finn. 

Poe was unhinged, his eyes brimming with hatred and anger – no doubt remembering what it had been like the last time he’d been taken alive, refusing to face that hell again, and Finn couldn’t blame him even while he watched in horror as Poe lunged away from the stormtroopers. 

Poe was pulling the blaster from the fallen trooper, ignoring the shouts of both his friends and assailants. Finn was only aware of the blaster rifle being raised beside his face when it whined with a charge and fired, muzzle pointed towards Poe just as he was tackled to the ground. 

Finn jerked away, his head ringing, right ear deadened by the shriek of the plasma bolt, and landed hard on his side. 

Staring at the heel of a trooper’s boot, he blinked for a long moment. 

Then he was yanked upright, his head spinning. Someone else was still on the ground, no, two someones in black flight uniforms, lying in a spreading patch of carmine liquid that was slowly eclipsing the gleam of the polished floors. 

An officer in dark navy – wait, no, it was Rose – was at the edge of the puddle, blood – because it was blood, Finn realized – soaking into the knees of her stolen uniform. She grasped at one of the figures, her face contorted and her lips moving, but Finn couldn’t hear over the fizzing silence in his ear. 

Two stormtroopers stepped forward and lifted the other someone. It was Poe, his body slack and his head sagging forward. Finn’s eyes drifted, and he saw they were pulling Rose back, too, leaving only one person behind. Rose was thrashing, screaming, but Finn was still too dazed to do anything but watch. 

His view was cut off by two gleaming pairs of boots coated in chromium. Finn startled, raising his eyes to meet the dead-eyed stare of Captain Phasma. 

“FN-2187.” 

The sound of his previous identifier spoken in her modulated voice cut through his confusion like a gundark's claws. 

“So good to have you back.” 

Finn felt her amusement run cold fingers down his spine. 

“Sir, what do you want with the prisoners?” 

Phasma turned to the squad leader standing at stiff attention beside her. “Take them to temporary holding. There’s no need to process them fully because we’ll be rid of them soon enough.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Finn could only stare at her, his jaw clenched tight and his legs trembling as they wrenched him to his feet, binding his ankles and wrists before they dragged him out of the room after the unconscious Poe. Rose wasn’t screaming anymore, just sobbing, so he could hear the squad leader’s next query. 

“And the body, sir?” 

“Dispose of it.” 

It was only once they’d tossed him into the tiny cell with a few vicious kicks to the ribs and the door had sealed shut behind them that the shaking in his legs took over his entire body. Finn felt his heartbeat pounding against his ribs, an unrelenting staccato that stole his breath as an overwhelming sense of despair crushed his few collected thoughts. 

He curled in on himself, struggling to deny the horror that had just happened. 

~---~

Kira Ren disembarked from her shuttle and found Ben waiting for her in the hangar. 

He was accompanied by a pair of stormtroopers, as well as the units in formation. Oddly enough, there were no officers to greet the Ren when they arrived, but Kira preferred it that way. Ben’s wrists were locked in restraints, but his eyes were unconcerned as he fixed his yearning gaze on her. She had forgone the helmet, knowing the kindling excitement she saw in his face was reflected on hers. The Knights of Ren followed behind her, forming a semicircle at the end of the shuttle’s ramp. 

The trooper on Ben's left spoke up when she stopped in front of them. “We’ve delivered the prisoner directly to you, without stopping or talking to anyone, and I’ve handed you the prisoner’s weapon,” he said dazedly as he passed over a silver lightsaber hilt. 

Kira cut her eyes towards Ben, who gave an almost imperceptible shrug as she accepted the weapon and attached it next to her own. 

“I’ll take the prisoner from here,” she commanded. 

The soldier seemed to shake himself, maybe starting to question his actions. “But, sir, we haven’t informed-” 

“The prisoner is my responsibility,” Kira snapped. “You’re dismissed.” 

The Ren seemed to know they were also not wanted and they dissipated along with the stormtroopers, even though she knew her knights would be lurking nearby. She’d only told them the bare minimum of what to expect on their arrival; namely, that Kylo was once again in First Order custody. They hadn’t said anything, but she knew they were dissatisfied with her failure to explain further. 

Ever since Starkiller, she’d been holding back from them, even Silyana, but Kira was relying on their implicit trust, built over their years together. But, honestly, right now as she stared into Ben’s burning eyes, she couldn’t care less if they trusted her, and that recklessness made her heart beat faster. 

Kira took Ben’s elbow and he allowed her to guide him out of the hangar. It was only when he realized that she was taking him deeper into the _ Supremacy _that he slowed. 

“Where are we going?” he asked. 

She tightened her grip. “To Snoke.” 

Ben tensed, but he didn’t try to pull away. “But Rey, I thought -” 

“Quiet,” she murmured, and he followed. Her heart clenched, knowing that she held his trust, even more so than her knights. He would follow her to the edges of the galaxy and back. That knowledge left her trembling. She could feel the torrent of emotions rushing through him and it only heightened the jittery feelings dancing along her nerves. Their last exchange through the Force connection had been playing in her mind on a loop in the intervening hours, and rather than getting old or worn out, the memory served to build up her anticipation of seeing him again.

Even without the power of Kira Ren’s fearsome mask, First Order personnel scattered in front of her, although their usual fear that diverted their terrified eyes was counteracted by a curiosity towards the stranger at her side. Kira turned them towards the turbolift that would take them to Snoke. The elite stormtroopers on guard at the lift did not stop them, apparently anticipating their coming. Only once the door slid shut behind them did she release the grip on his elbow that would likely leave bruises. They stood silently side by side, facing the sealed door.

The lift began to rise, the smooth mechanism humming as they ascended through the _ Supremacy _towards Snoke’s throne room. Otherwise it was quiet, almost unbearable pressure in the air like when a starship dropped into atmo too quickly, popping her eardrums. She was almost afraid to move, expecting something to break or shatter if she moved too suddenly.

“Rey.” 

Her eyes darted towards him, her breath catching. 

“We don’t have to do this.” He stepped nearer, that burning look melting his brown irises to black as he stood close. “We can leave without confronting Snoke. We’ll go away and never look back. Rey, when we kissed, I saw it. Our future, just the shape of it, but solid and clear.” 

Kira didn’t let his confusion dim the bright conviction she held. “I saw something, too,” she said, looking up at his hungry expression. “Because of what I saw, I know that when the time comes, you’ll be the one to turn. You’ll stand with me.” 

The turbolift’s door slid open, exposing them to the malevolent stares of the Supreme Leader and his Praetorian Guard and the seeping chill of the Dark Side. Kira felt as though she’d been yanked from a daydream by being doused with cold water. Ben evidently felt the same from the way he whipped around to face the room, his shoulders curling in.

Suddenly Kira felt the smallest trickle of doubt, but she knew what she had seen. She straightened and tempered her almost giddy excitement, schooling her features into a blank, hard mask. She didn’t allow herself to hesitate, firmly taking Ben’s elbow and leading him forward. 

Snoke lounged on his throne, his head tilted to one side, his spidery hands grasping the armrests eagerly. “Welcome, my good and faithful apprentice,” he chuckled, his voice rising to fill the grandiosity of the room. 

She felt Ben press back against her hold even as he kept up their march towards the throne, as though his body was attempting to distance itself from Snoke as much as possible. Disgust and fear swirled around Ben as they approached the throne. She sympathized, knowing the feeling all too well. Kira halted and knelt, fixing her eyes on the ground, Ben stopping a few steps in front of her. 

There was a brief tug on her belt as the silver lightsaber hilt flew to Snoke’s hand. He rolled it in his palm, observing it idly. “What of Skywalker?” he inquired, his tone too warm, like when a match has burned down almost to your fingertips. 

“He is destroyed, Master,” she answered, her words sounding stiff and small in reply. 

“Well done, apprentice,” he crooned, setting the hilt on the throne’s armrest as he stared at her. “My faith in you is restored.” 

She felt his attention shift to her companion and exhaled through her nose. 

“Young Ben.” 

Kira saw the heavy manacles unlock and clatter to the floor beside Ben’s boots in her periphery. 

“Come closer, child,” Snoke ordered, but Ben didn’t move. Kira could feel the fury and loathing pouring off Ben and clenched her jaw, knowing better than to speak up now. 

“So much strength,” Snoke purred. “So much conflict. Light rises, and darkness to meet it. I have taught my apprentice to be wary of the tenacious nature of the Light, its insidious hold on the heart. I see you could have benefitted from my teaching as well. If only you had answered me sooner.” 

The Force constricted violently and Kira’s eyes flickered up to see Snoke’s thin smile as he drew Ben towards himself, dangling him in the air only centimeters from his throne. Kira could see the tension in Ben’s body but knew that he was locked in place. She forgot to breathe. 

“You underestimate me,” Ben spat, twisting his head away from Snoke’s leering, skull-like visage in his attempt to control his own limbs. “And you underestimate Rey. It will be your downfall.” 

Snoke’s smile stretched. “Oh, do you think you’ve seen some weakness in my apprentice? Is that why you came? Young fool. I know her mind. _ She is mine _. I stoked her conflicted soul.” 

Kira’s gaze dropped down to the floor and she bit down on the inside of her cheek until blood flooded her mouth. 

“I knew she was not strong enough to hide it from you. And you were not wise enough to resist the bait.” 

“No,” Ben hissed. 

“Yes,” Snoke replied gleefully, his pale blue eyes hard as shards of kyber. “And now, you will give me everything. In return, I will destroy the last remnants of the Light in your heart so you can be free to submit yourself to me.” 

Kira couldn’t look at him. Not now, when she could sense Ben’s hatred and fear and helplessness like jagged fissures in the Force. She hadn’t thought it would be like this when she shared the vision with him in their kiss, but like Ben had said, it had been nebulous but solid, like a memory of something that she knew to be true beyond doubt but the details slipped through her fingers. This was how they could come together, standing in front of the galaxy side by side. 

But when Ben started screaming, letting loose an unrelenting, agonized shriek that scraped against her bones, she knew that it wasn’t right. She looked up at her master with burning eyes. 

This had to end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Please leave a comment and kudos to let me know - I thrive on your feedback and it keeps me writing!
> 
> Next update in two weeks...


	14. 14th

Kylo had never felt such pain. 

Snoke was tearing through his mind, the intensity and brutality of his invasion sending out shockwaves through his body, his muscles seizing and his back arching as he screamed. 

There hadn’t even been a chance to defend himself, either lashing out with a futile fist or throwing up a mental barricade to stall Snoke’s attack. And now he was completely lost, a being crafted of pain and stitched together by agony. If Kylo had been able to form a rational thought, he would have found himself unable to prevent Snoke’s intrusion anyway – he was, after all, the very voice Kylo had heard in his head for as long as he could remember. 

Snoke paid no heed to Kylo’s torment as he ravaged his thoughts, brusquely sifting through his memories, ripping them from his mind. He’d throw aside some with savage disinterest and vivisect others with sickening thoroughness, violating Kylo’s sense of self without compunction. Snoke saw  _ everything _ . His first flight on the  _ Falcon  _ to his last angry words with his father. Waking up early for the sunrises on Chandrila with his mother to watching her on the holonet giving impassioned speeches in the Senate as he read his books, waiting for her to return. His many playful sparring sessions with Rey so many years before to their first real kiss just hours ago. Snoke shredded through every memory as though it were trivial, worthless, and Kylo could do nothing but observe helplessly. 

When Snoke retracted his vice-like hold on Kylo’s mind and his body crumpled to the icy floor of the throne room, he felt as though he had lived another lifetime. His bones ached and his muscles twitched as though he had just run for hours on end. Each breath seemed to burn his lungs with fire and his throat throbbed, tender and raw from the endless, involuntary screaming. He tried to move, to curl into himself in some semblance of self-preservation, but his limbs refused to respond, leaving him sprawled in a heap. 

Snoke let out a rumbling laugh. “For someone who expends so much effort attempting to distance himself from his blood, you have a very strong attachment to them, my boy. They’ve prevented you from reaching your potential.” He leaned back on his throne and smiled with artificial benevolence. “Fortunately, the solution is already in motion.” 

Kylo rolled onto his side as Snoke was speaking and lifted himself onto his elbows, looking back at Rey over his shoulder where she knelt unmoving. As residual tremors ran through his body, Kylo felt his heart squeeze with a sense of betrayal. He wanted to ask her what she’d hoped to accomplish by bringing him here, but her mind was walled off, hidden behind smooth, indefinable shields that gave nothing away except an intense need to not draw attention. 

Rey’s eyes flickered up to his for just a second, but he caught the muted look of distress she sent him. Kylo realized then that Rey was deathly afraid. The shift in her demeanor in the turbolift had been palpable, a dulling of her Force signature as though she was shrinking into herself. Kylo did not doubt she had been subjected to the same excruciating violation he’d just experienced more than once. 

But what incensed Kylo more than anything was the realization that Snoke had been violating them for years, speaking thoughts of hatred and Darkness into their minds. He had just given up any guise of concern and goodwill. 

Kylo felt the rage swell. He saw red, and not just the carmine drapes that enclosed the space. 

Kylo stiffly leveraged himself upright until he stood on shaking legs to face the leering figure on the throne. He snarled, thrusting out a hand and feeling for something. It thudded into his palm, the lightsaber’s energy vibrating up his arm as it ignited with an angry sputter. 

Kylo roared, charging towards Snoke with Kira’s unruly blade clenched in his fist. Snoke smirked and flicked his finger, sending Kylo skidding across the floor. The back of his skull struck the floor, dazing him, and his hand opened, letting the lightsaber hilt spin away from his grip. The red-shelled guards stayed tense as he tried desperately to suck air into his lungs. 

“Such spunk,” Snoke praised. “Look here now.” 

Kylo writhed as Snoke suspended him in the air, directing him over to the red curtains as they parted, revealing the vastness of deep space. The stars seemed to be spinning and Kylo blinked, trying to control the shifting starscape. 

“I am very patient,” Snoke mused aloud. “But patience is only the temporary suspension of action. I will no longer delay what I intended to do all along.” 

His hold on Kylo vanished and he slumped to the floor. He dragged himself upright with a hand pressed to the transperisteel plate. The glass began to hum under his fingers as the stars stretched out, blurring together not because of the burgeoning migraine in his head but because the  _ Supremacy _ jumped to hyperspace. 

“Soon, my boy, you will have nothing to hold you back.” 

~---~

Finn wasn’t sure exactly how long he’d been locked in the holding cell, the over-bright glowpanels and shiny white walls giving him no frame of reference and doing nothing to calm his agitation. He knew it had just been hours, definitely not days. They hadn’t fed him, which wasn’t a surprise, but he knew what long-term hunger felt like from his training. The feeling in his gut right now was only boredom and anxiety. 

When the door slid open with a sharp hiss, Finn jumped to his feet. Two guards entered, one holding manacles that clicked open as he approached, the other holding a shockprod. After a brief hesitation, Finn held up his arms, wrists together. If he was going to put up a fight, it wouldn’t be here in this cramped cell with who knew how many more stormtroopers waiting just outside. He hadn’t even been processed per Phasma’s orders, so there was literally nothing between him and an open airlock to say he’d ever existed. 

The guard yanked his hands around behind his back, holding them at an uncomfortable angle that made Finn’s shoulders ache. 

“Come on, traitor.” He gripped Finn hard around the upper arm, jerking him forward, and the other jammed his shockprod into his abdomen. Finn groaned, his knees buckling as the electricity jolted his system. They laughed, hauling him to his feet as he tried to hold back the vomit that pushed its way up his throat and sat burning at the back of his mouth. 

Their lack of sympathy didn’t wane as they dragged him out of the cell, his feet fumbling to catch up. He remembered to look around as they pulled him down the corridor, but he didn’t see Rose or Poe anywhere. And Paige – 

Finn felt a stab of harrowing guilt. He hadn’t really gotten to know her, but she seemed smart and she cared about Rose and the Resistance. She shouldn’t have died like that, bleeding out on the floor while no one did anything to help. 

And Rose had had to see the whole thing, see the last of her family die right in front of her while she was totally helpless to do anything. Finn had seen several people die, but something about this death struck him as entirely wrong. He shuddered to think of how they’d disposed of Paige’s body. She didn’t deserve to be tossed out like a piece of rubbish, as if she had never been a person. 

_ Not that it will matter in the end _ , he thought as they marched him into a hangar, filled to the brim with legions of stormtroopers all standing at attention. Even though he knew what it was like, knew that under each helmet was an individual who had their own thoughts and feelings, it seemed like every eye was fixed on him with disgust and shame. If things had been just a little different, he would’ve been one of them, watching them drag the weak, cowardly traitor to the center of the hangar where General Hux and Captain Phasma stood waiting. 

“The traitor, General,” the captain announced as they shoved Finn to his knees. 

Finn glared up at Phasma, his lip curling as he remembered how quickly  _ she  _ had turned traitor when they were on Starkiller. 

“Well done, Phasma,” Hux complimented, his pale green eyes burning with manic anticipation. “It turns out that your hunch was indeed correct.” 

“What are you looking at, traitorous scum?” one of the guards shouted, slapping the back of his head, jolting him forward before he caught himself from faceplanting on the ground. 

“I’m curious to know what you hoped to accomplish, FN-2187,” Hux said. “Running away like a coward only to stow aboard the  _ Supremacy _ ? I find it hard to believe in the span of a week you suddenly developed a sense of loyalty, and to the Resistance, of all things. It’s a pity we don’t have more time to explore your rather fascinating derangement.” 

Finn bowed his head, almost impatient for the general to finish his gloating. He felt absurdly calm, all things considered, but with his foremost fear in the grip of the First Order being realized, there was nothing really to do but wait for it. 

“Let. Me.  _ Go!” _

Finn’s head jerked up and his heart plummeted. He looked towards the sound of the commotion to see Rose struggling in the uncaring grip of two more guards. They tossed her down next to Finn, but she popped right back up and launched herself at Phasma. 

“Murderous snake!” she shrieked before two hands clamped on her shoulders, restraining her as she wriggled in their hold. 

“Let her go,” Finn begged, wincing when Rose somehow managed to kick one of her captors in the back of the knee before they decided to restrain her ankles too. “She didn’t know what I was doing. She had nothing to do with anything!” 

Phasma snorted and Hux raised an eyebrow. “You expect us not to know the identities of your compatriots?” He approached Rose, who eyed him warily as he sneered down at her, lifting her chin with a finger. “Rose Tico has been known to us for a while now. It’s unfortunate that we didn’t recognize her talent when she was with us on Hays Minor. She would have excelled at the Academy.” 

“I never would’ve served you, you bastard!” Rose spat, then clamped down on Hux’s hand. 

Hux yelled, pain and surprise twisting his face as he tried to pull away. A shockprod jabbed Rose’s side, her body going taut then collapsing as the 

Hux drew back, cradling his injured hand, and pulled himself up, seething. “If only you’d have learned along with the rest of the Otomok system. We  _ always  _ win.” He shoved away the medic that offered assistance, strands of slick hair falling across his forehead. “As for your other friend,” he continued, looking back to Finn, “we’ve already met Poe Dameron before, haven’t we?” 

As if Hux had timed it, Poe was hauled in next, hanging limply between his escort. When they dumped him on Finn’s other side, they had to arrange his limbs for him so that he could stay somewhat upright, swaying blearily. When Rose caught sight of Poe’s condition, she abruptly stopped her struggles, fear stilling her fruitless scuffling. 

Poe looked like he’d been stampeded by a herd of blurggs, and if Finn had to guess, he probably had sustained equivalent injuries to a trampling. One eye was swollen shut and his face littered with more bruises, a line of spit and blood trailing from his lower lip. It wasn’t the careful, precise wounds of a torture droid, but rather the infliction of pain for the sake of it. Finn felt shame rise in him, knowing that the stormtroopers must have had some fun with Poe, probably for putting up a fight when they’d been taken. He couldn’t see any other injuries, but with the way Poe held himself, trembling and breathing shallowly, Finn knew there was more unseen under the stolen pilot’s jumpsuit. 

Hux stepped forward and clasped his hands behind his back, looking particularly pleased. “We made a little trip while you were otherwise occupied. Since this charade of letting the Resistance exist has outlived its usefulness, it’s time we end this annoyance once and for all.” Hux gestured towards the containment field keeping the atmosphere within the hangar. 

Finn had been too preoccupied, but now that he looked over the rows of white domes of stormtroopers, he could see an ashy-white planet. It took him a few seconds to recognize the orb in the black sky was the planet where he’d spent the last week wondering how he could escape the inevitability of the situation he currently found himself in. 

He’d hoped that he wouldn’t drag anyone else down with him, but that hadn’t worked out. 

“Look at them,” Hux marveled. “Even now they still hope to evade us. Pathetic.” 

Finn squinted and saw the flicker of movement between the planet’s surface and the fleet locked in synchronized orbit. He suddenly felt cold. The Resistance had finally decided to make a break for it, just in time to be blown out of the sky by the First Order’s armada. 

“Don’t do it,” Finn shouted. 

Hux ignored him, turning to the lieutenant standing to the side. “Fire on their fleet until there’s nothing left but atoms.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“No!” Rose cried with a weak thrash. 

“Captain, execute the prisoners,” Hux ordered, then turned on his heel and strode away between the rows of troopers. 

Phasma stepped forward, blocking Finn’s sight of Crait and the doomed Resistance fleet. “Execution by blaster is too good for them. Let’s make this hurt.” 

~---~

Kylo spent the short journey through hyperspace trying to fight the tide of hopelessness that was rising over the throbbing headache in his skull. Making another play now would be foolishness. Snoke seemed to realize Kylo had yielded even if temporarily and ignored him for the moment, leaving him to slump against the viewport as the stars flickered by. 

Instead he turned his scrutiny to his apprentice, regarding her unmoving pose and downcast eyes. Her face twisted when Snoke drummed his fingers on the arm of his throne and he suspected Snoke was speaking into her mind, forcing himself into her thoughts. Kylo wanted to reach out to her, to remind her that she wasn’t alone, that he was  _ right here, Rey, I’m here. _ But he couldn’t do anything but watch as Snoke toyed with her mind. He turned away, pressing his cheek against the cool glass. Kylo didn’t know where Snoke was taking them but he knew he wouldn’t like it when he found out. 

His premonition was confirmed when they dropped out of hyperspace less than twenty minutes later and he could see the familiar shade of Crait against the emptiness of space. It didn’t take nearly as long for them to reach the pristinely shining mineral planet as it had for Kylo and his friends to travel from there to the  _ Supremacy, _ and Kylo realized they must have already traveled part of the way while he was wandering around the mega star destroyer trying to figure out what he was doing. 

_ Snoke already knew _ . 

Kylo pushed himself up and looked back at Snoke, who was grinning at him. 

“I promised you, boy, that I’d remove the last obstacles keeping you from freely submitting yourself to my tutelage.” Snoke’s fingers twitched and Kylo was lifted into the air again. “Look here.” 

Kylo found himself suspended in front of an oculus that focused on the eclectic collection of ships that made up the Resistance’s fleet hovering in Crait’s orbit. The focus shifted, narrowing in on the stream of shuttles fleeing the planet’s surface, too late. As he watched, green ionized bolts leapt from the  _ Supremacy’s  _ cannons and streaked towards the unsuspecting ships. 

“The entire Resistance is on those vessels,” Snoke narrated with barely suppressed glee, “including your mother. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost.” 

Kylo felt a cold wash of dread, followed by a drowning sense of despair. 

_ Leia. Mom. _

Kylo thrashed, but all he succeeded in doing was twitching in Snoke’s Force grip. After a few fruitless seconds, he went limp, panting. 

“Still, that fiery spit of hope!” Snoke chuckled. He dragged Kylo back just as the first round of cannonfire struck the helpless shuttles, creating pockets of flame. 

“Coward!” Kylo spat, choking on a helpless sob as he dangled before Snoke once again. 

“Hmm,” Snoke murmured, unfazed. “Not anger, I sense from you now, but despair. How unfortunate.” 

Kylo was yanked to his knees, his heart pounding in his chest. 

Snoke observed, “Unlike my apprentice, who chose to mold her disappointment into anger and power, you let it weaken you. If you had come to me before,” he waved a hand, “maybe. But now, you will always have doubts. And because of that, you must die. 

“Rise my worthy apprentice, take up your weapon,” Snoke said, his voice ringing throughout the hall as his ice-blue eyes moved beyond Kylo. “My empty vessel, forged in darkness. Where I once sensed conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.” 

Kylo was sent spinning across the throne room, freezing in a kneeled posture of servility before Rey, who rose to stand above him, her lightsaber loose in her grasp. Her eyes were strangely dim and detached as they fixed on Kylo’s face. Kylo wondered what Snoke had done to her. He wanted her to be here, to see him as she had right before they kissed, when her eyes had held the hope and light of a galaxy. 

“Rey,” he pleaded, heedless of the tears falling down his face. 

“I know what I have to do,” she said to him, toneless. Kylo felt Snoke’s satisfaction smothering him. 

“You think you can turn her? Pathetic boy,” Snoke mocked. “I cannot be betrayed, I cannot be beaten. I see her mind, I see her every intent.  _ Yesss _ .” 

Kylo felt his throat closing up and tried to swallow, all the desperate emotions clogging before he could get them out. 

_ You’re not alone. _

_ Neither are you. _

Rey’s grip on her weapon tightened. 

“I see her turning the lightsaber to strike true.” 

He could already imagine the burn of a lightsaber in his chest, and now that it was almost there, he realized he didn’t want that. 

“And now, foolish boy...” 

Kylo didn’t dare turn away from her eyes. 

“She ignites it, and kills her true enemy!” 

Kylo collapsed into a heap at the sharp hiss of a lightsaber igniting. Rey was still staring down at him, but the hilt her in her hand was dead, leaving the space between them empty of the flickering blade Kylo had expected to connect them. 

He rolled over just in time to see Snoke’s severed torso topple to the ground, the glittering Skywalker blade blazing across the throne. Kylo rose to his feet, reaching out a hand to call the ignited saber. It flew to his palm, his fingers curling around the familiar hilt, and turned to Rey. 

He found she had ignited her own sputtering blade, the light in her eyes returning a reflection of the crimson lightsaber she held. He was vaguely aware of the Praetorian guard coming to life, closing in on them, but once again the world was reduced to Rey as he stared into her eyes and saw the galaxy opening to them. 

Her lips twitched in the briefest of smiles before they turned in complete synchronicity and crouched back to back to face whatever dared assail them. 


	15. 15th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So most of the credit for this chapter goes to my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) who essentially wrote the entire fight scene because I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to that. (You should totally check out [her story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641089/chapters/51604543) btw because if you haven't you're missing out).
> 
> Fine me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

Kira felt alive again. 

Ben stood at her back, his presence steady and reassuring as the eight Praetorian guards circled closer. The Force was singing around them, a rapturous symphony of interwoven melodies that she could almost hear as well as feel. She bared her teeth at the red-shelled warriors as they advanced, the thrill of the impending battle running under her skin. 

The first guard struck, lashing out with his double vibro-arbir blade with intent to behead. Kira deflected, the lightsaber-resistant weapon sparking across her blade, then ducked under the weapon swinging for her shoulder just as Ben lunged forward, bringing his lightsaber up to block one of the blades. She countered with a slice at the encroaching guard’s legs, forcing him to cry out, teeter backward and shuffle away, the harsh scent of scorched muscle filling Kira’s nose. 

Behind her, Ben grunted, fending off three of the guards. It was as though each of his movements were tied directly to her, both as a precognition of his intent and the memory of his style and strategy, sensed through the Force. She could feel his slight hesitancy with the lightsaber, the strain of muscles out of practice, but it didn’t diminish his familiar brutality, knocking aside a vibro-voulge to forcefully shove the guard back with an outthrust hand. The motion left his side open to the jab of another guard. Kira parried another blow from her overeager assailants and slammed them with an outstretched palm while turning to stab into the unprotected abdomen of Ben’s attacker. 

_ One down, seven to go _ . 

Sparks from the clashing of their weapons began to float in swirling eddies to the ceiling. Unnoticed, crimson curtains began to smolder and curl, slowly catching fire as the battle seethed beneath them.

An abrupt flicker in the Force was all the warning Kira had as three guards descended on her at once. She twisted back, stance set firm, to block the strike above her head, and barely brought her free hand down in a sweeping arc in time to flick away the other two weapons aimed at her chest and thighs. The last weapon singed her skin in a short graze, drawing a hiss from her lips. She used the frisson of pain to gather the Force to her and fling the guard backward, trying to regain her footing. As Ben rose up behind her to bring down a sweeping blow, Kira reached back and grabbed his hip to brace herself. Ben grabbed the guard’s vibro-voulge handle, swinging his weapon down as Kira kicked out, striking each of her remaining opponents in the chest plate. Ben’s attacker crumpled to the floor, a glowing scar across his torso, while Kira’s two stumbled, knocking back the others. 

It had been a mistake to throw her third attacker back instead of killing him, even if she’d been distracted by injury at that moment. He charged her and she took a step forward to add momentum to her swing, but the guards had been trained with weapons that could withstand lightsabers, and to withstand those that wielded them. The guard took a step back, and Rey followed in a low crouch, eager to see him fall. While she was intent on her attacker, another guard drew Ben out, forcing him to lunge as he strained to pierce his opponent’s armor. The guard leapt to the side, pulling him out further.

Kira’s lips parted, feeling a twinge in the Force causing her whip around and parry a stab to her back, and she realized too late what the guards had done. She could see that Ben was no longer close enough to cover her, nor she him. She tried to side step and return to him, but another guard was there, twirling their Bilari electro-chain whip in a menacing figure eight.

Gritting her teeth, Kira stepped back until she had eyes on all three of her opponents, forced to leave Ben to himself. Glancing up, she saw Ben, sweat-slicked hair flying, thoroughly brutalizing them, knocking aside their weapons to shove them into each other or compelling them to retreat with forceful swings of his glimmering lightsaber. Two more guards were cut down by his savage blows and she felt a feral elation as she focused on her opponents. 

_ Four more left _ . 

Face twisted in a snarl, she roared at the guards, racing towards the one closest to her. He took a startled step backward, not quite fast enough in bringing up his weapon before her lightsaber singed his gloves. His grip loosened, giving Kira time to strike a killing blow straight through the solar plexus before using their fallen body as a barrier to keep between herself and the other two. Engaging the two guards again, she used their heavy size and constricted movements against them as she slipped nimbly around their attacks and draw them out, leaving openings that she could exploit. 

Kira didn’t often let her eyes linger on Ben, however, as they were always connected by thought if not by sight. She slid around the fallen corpse as the other two guards charged her, using their hesitation as they tried to coordinate their attack to her advantage, jamming her blade into the ribcage of one red-shelled warrior before dancing away as he collapsed with a scream to put two bodies between her and the final one.

_ Two left. _

Ben was dueling with a guard wielding two vibro-daggers, shuffling back to avoid the relentless sequence of quick strikes and thrusts, sweat pouring from his skin in the heat of the room that was now wreathed in flames fanned by the rage of battle. Kira could feel that Ben was tiring, his movements just a fraction slower than before, and just as she glanced over, the guard managed to land a slice on his upper arm. Ben bellowed, opposite hand twitching as if to grip the smoking wound. The guard took a second to gloat, spinning his blades to adjust his grip – a mistake. 

Ben advanced, feinting a side swing, but turning it into a stab as soon as the guard shifted to block. There was the sound of melting armor, the sick smoke of cauterizing meat, and the guard spasmed as he slid down the lightsaber. Ben stumbled under the weight as he caught the twitching body. Once the guard went limp, he tossed the corpse away, his chest heaving. The vibro blades flew free from the dead guard’s hand, skidding across the floor. 

Meanwhile, Kira deflected a blow to her flank and sidestepped to face her final opponent fully. He cocked his head at her, snapping his rapier so it disjoined and became a crackling whip that he lashed experimentally before coming at her. She wasn’t prepared for his strike, coiling around her lightsaber and twisting it out of her grasp. The hilt skittered away and the blade sputtered out, but she had no chance to recall it before the whip wound around her wrists, yanking them up and pulling her towards the guard. Screams ripped through her lungs as the electro-plasma current burned through her sleeves, but her cry was cut off as the guard’s arm wrapped around the back of her neck and put her in a headlock, cutting off her airway with a cruel creak of armor. 

She snarled, mouth and lungs gasping, trying desperately to free her hands or land a solid stomp on top of his foot. She struggled in the guard’s hard grip, but the pain and asphyxiation madeblack spots swirl in her vision. Her dimming sight was drawn to Ben, who looked up at her across the throne room as his last adversary fell to the ground in a heap, the crimson drapes behind him blazing with flame. His eyes widened. 

“Rey!” 

The gleaming hilt of the Skywalker lightsaber flew through the air, end over end, landing in Kira’s palm with a soft  _ thud _ . She lit it with a flick of her thumb, the resonant hum igniting beside her face as she twisted her hands and speared upward into her attacker through the eye socket, blue plasma bursting from the back of his skull with a sick pop. 

The last guard crumpled to the floor. Kira fell under his collapsing weight. Groaning, she rolled out from the corpse, disentangling herself from his heavy arm and whip burning her wrists. She rose shakily to her feet, the remnants of adrenaline coursing through her veins. She called her own lightsaber to her hand and attached both to her belt. 

Ben stood across the room, his hungry, burning eyes locking with hers, immobile except for the heaving of his chest. She had a sudden urge to snatch him away, to capture that potent look on his face so it could only be hers, forever. Even across the ravaged, flaming throne room, Kira felt every rapid beat of his heart, the cascade of thoughts running through his mind. 

_ I want you, _ she thought.

He startled. “The fleet!” Ben strode to the oculus, which remained focused on the distant slaughter of the Resistance. “Rey, order them to stand down! We can still save the fleet.” 

Kira watched him count the dwindling number of Resistance starships, then reach out to ascertain if Leia still lived, although they both knew they would’ve felt her death. She hadn’t been destroyed. Yet. 

“Rey?” Ben turned to look at her. “Order them to stop firing.” 

Kira didn’t move, her eyes fixed on the empty throne. 

“Rey? Leia, my  _ mother _ , is on one of those ships. Please, do something before it’s too late!” 

Kira looked at the deep cuts around her wrists, licked her lips. “She lied to me. Just like the rest of them.” 

“What?” Ben nearly shouted the question, incredulity making his voice rise. “Everyone lies! That doesn’t mean she has to die. The entire Resistance is on those starships, but no one else has to die if  _ you just say the word!” _

“We have a choice now, Ben. It’s time to let old things die,” Kira said. She turned and moved a few paces towards Ben. She gestured to the corpse on the throne. “Snoke, Skywalker. The Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels...  _ you  _ were the one who taught me the history, Ben. Told me about your readings while I repaired engines and pretended not to listen. You ranted to me about how  _ foolish _ and  _ irrational  _ and  _ destructive _ they were. Trying to find peace through a never-ending conflict.” 

“Rey,” Ben cried, his face beginning to crumple as she came nearer, almost near enough to touch. The  _ Supremacy  _ vibrated under their feet, sending off another volley of cannon fire. 

“ _ This _ is our chance,” she said, her body tense with anticipation as she slowly raised her hand, her palm upheld in a plea. “Ben, I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.” 

“Rey,” he said, his voice cracking over her name. “Don’t do this. Please don’t go this way.” 

Kira searched his face, her expression twisting into a snarl. “No. No, you’re still holding onto the past! It’s keeping you back!” 

“This isn’t about that!” he shouted, his hands finding his hair and tugging. “I’m trying to save my mother!” 

“You know what the Dark Side showed me in that cave?” she demanded. Her hand dropped to her side. “My parents never loved me. They left me, they were junk traders who sold me for drinking money, and they never came back. They left me like everyone else.” 

“No, Rey,” he pleaded. Ash and embers drifted between them. “I’m here, now.” 

“And you, you’re just a legacy. A set of expectations. They think you’re  _ special _ .” She gazed into his reddened, glistening eyes even as he flinched away. “But you’re not. Not to me.” 

Kira held out her hand to him once again. “Join me,” she proposed, her entire body straining towards him as the last of the curtains were consumed by flame and the Resistance fleet was demolished one by one. 

Ben raised his eyes to her face, catching the way her body trembled. 

“ _ Please,”  _ she whispered. 

The look in his eyes was so fragile. She took a careful half step closer, freezing when his hand began to rise. 

The floor shuddered again, signaling the end of another Resistance vessel. 

Still, she waited and watched as he lifted his hand towards hers. A tear spilled down his cheek, glittering in the last of the flames. The breath caught in her throat. 

His hand shot forward and the Force shivered, wrenching the silver lightsaber hilt off her belt. 

It was a reflex, an unbidden response. She tugged back  _ hard _ , the Force warping and stretching. The lightsaber was suspended between them, vibrating at the focal point of their struggle. 

Ben’s face contorted into a grimace, his feet attempting to brace against the slick floor. She similarly stretched out, her entire body lunging for the weapon. Kira felt the Force buckle, each of them bending their power towards the hapless lightsaber. 

_ Why are you doing this?  _ she wanted to scream, but instead her voice came out in a wordless roar, her desires and frustrations and hopes and fears pouring out as her entire body strained towards him. 

The conflicting yet evenly matched energy they expended began to push them apart, their boots sliding across the ash-coated floor. Kira blinked away the tears and saw how the muscle in his jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth, his whole form bent towards her even as he struggled against her. 

Between them, the lightsaber’s casing began to glow, the tortured kyber crystal inside unable to withstand the call of two such equally balanced, powerful individuals. Kira felt the rising shriek from the crystal as its energy was ripped apart. 

Kira tore her eyes away from the distressed kyber and met his for the briefest moment. Pain flickered there, just before the world erupted in blinding white light, and her body was thrown back and she knew no more. 

~---~ 

Finn had always dreaded the inevitable days when he’d been selected to serve as an executioner trooper. It was supposed to be random and anonymous, but certain troopers had been chosen far more often than others for it to be a coincidence. Whether it was an honor or a penance was a matter of perspective.

Not that executions were particularly common, at least not on board the vessels where Finn had been stationed. The First Order preferred less drastic methods of punishment, ones that resulted in something they could still utilize. While Finn could testify firsthand that they didn’t care for their soldiers as individuals, they were particularly stingy when viewing them as a resource. It was only when a trooper was broken or defective beyond repair that they were finally disposed of. Or when they served a better purpose as an example than a tool, as FN-2187 was about to discover. 

Three of the executioners on duty for the day cycle marched through the assembled units, the carbon finish on their armor setting them apart from their mates. They halted at attention beside Captain Phasma. She nodded, and the troopers holding the rebels knocked them prone on the hard ground, crushing their bound wrists underneath their bodies. Finn, breathless, tears welling unbidden from his eyes, turned his head, pressing his cheek to the cold floor. 

Beside him, Poe was still mostly limp, his one good eye shut, but Finn could see now his regular breathing as his back rose and fell shallowly. He looked beyond to Rose, who was staring at him with wide eyes, her fear overcoming her grief and pain as she met his own frightened gaze. 

“On my mark,” Phasma said. 

“Finn,” Rose called as one of the executioners stepped behind her, his double-bladed laser axe activated and humming. Finn’s view of her was blocked when another executioner moved to stand over Poe, his weapon similarly menacing. He lowered it slowly, lining it up with Poe’s neck while Finn felt and heard the quiet hum near his own ear, the heat singing the skin of his neck as the last executioner followed suit before lifting the laser axe high in the air. 

Phasma’s order rang out. “Execute.” 

Finn squeezed his eyes shut, his body tensing involuntarily as he braced for death. 

The world erupted in an explosion of noise and heat, rushing over and down his body. 

He felt numb, which he supposed should be expected if he was dead. He blinked, which made less sense then the numbness, but eventually his sight cleared enough to distinguish shapes in the darkness. No, not darkness. The lights were out, but he could see amber hues splashing and shivering across abstract, confusing outlines in the dark. Maybe this was hell. Finn hadn’t ever been one to speculate on the afterlife, but he knew many cultures believed in damnation. Maybe that’s where he’d landed after screwing up his life so spectacularly and accomplishing nothing. 

_ Finn! _

He lifted his head, then his body, surprised to realize he had both. He sat, swaying, running tingling hands over his torso. 

“Finn!” 

He jerked up, startled to see Rose standing above him. Her stolen uniform was smudged with soot but she looked fine otherwise, except for the distress in her furrowed forehead. She held out a hand. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice sounding muffled in his own ears, although his hearing seemed to be improving as he picked up on the crackle of flames and the cries of troopers nearby. 

“Finn! We have to go! Help me with Poe!” she said, beckoning him to stand. 

Finn took her hand and lurched to his feet. He almost fell down immediately but managed to steady himself and take in his surroundings. 

It wasn’t hell, but could’ve passed for a hell on a mild day. The hangar was dark except for the scattered blazes where TIE fighters had come loose from their moorings and crashed down from the ceiling. Entire sections of the floor had been replaced by glowing abysses belching smoke and steam, and even the ground where Finn stood rumbled and trembled threateningly as though it might gape open. Around him were white-armored bodies, either dead or unconscious he didn’t know and didn’t want to know, forcing his eyes up and away. 

“Help me with this!” Rose cried, and Finn broke out of his daze enough to shuffle over and assist her lift a shattered TIE wing from where it was pinning Poe’s unconscious body. 

“I thought you didn’t set the charges,” Finn said, trying to remember the minutes before they’d been captured when everything had become chaos. 

“I didn’t.” Rose heaved, sliding Poe free before Finn dropped the frame. “This wasn’t something we did.” 

Finn had to agree; there was no way blowing up one isolated power reactor would result in the level of destruction around them. He crouched next to Rose, helping her turn Poe over. 

“Poe?” Finn asked, feeling for a pulse, then tapping his face. “Poe! Hey man, come on. Let me know you’re still with us.” 

Poe let out a moan and his eyelids flickered. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Finn said, although his tone carried no conviction. He looked up at Rose, whose face was set in an unflinching grimace, even as fire billowed from the one of the hangar entrances several meters behind her before receding. 

“What are we going to do?” he asked, glancing around. They hadn’t been noticed yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time before someone tried to reestablish command. 

“We have to get out of here,” she said and got to her feet, although she didn’t move or offer a plan. 

_ BWEEEEOOOOOO! _

BB-8 appeared out of a cloud of smoke, spinning and sliding across the debris-strewn floor. 

“Beebee!” Finn exclaimed. “Where’d you come from?” 

The droid chittered and squealed, rolling away and halting, looking back at them. 

“He’s found a shuttle,” Rose repeated grimly. “It might be operational if I can slice through the grounding locks.” 

“You can,” Finn said hastily. “Help me get him up. I’ve got to carry him.” 

They spent a precious minute maneuvering an unhelpfully loose-limbed Poe across Finn’s shoulders while BB-8 chattered urgently at them. 

“Alright,” Finn said, hefting Poe’s weight, “let’s go.” 

Rose nodded, snatching up a blaster rifle before following after Poe’s droid. 

The hangar floor was a maze of flaming wreckage and gaping holes. BB-8 led the way, using his sensors to detect the safest route across the unstable terrain. Finn caught a glimpse of a shuttle parked at the front of the hangar when the haze thinned for a moment and based on the silhouette it appeared intact, but it was still over a couple hundred meters away. 

“Go on ahead,” Finn called to Rose, who without a borderline unconscious pilot slowing her down, was already outdistancing him with BB-8. 

“What about you?” she shouted back. 

“I’m coming! Just get that thing fired up,” he huffed, trying not to stumble as another boom shook the ground. 

She frowned but acquiesced, turning and sprinting after the orange and white astromech. 

Finn tried not to fall too far behind, but between the shaking and the obstacles and the burden, the best he could manage was a brisk walk. It wasn’t a large hangar either, but each time another TIE crashed down or a support beam collapsed, he would flinch as though he was back in Tuanul, the sounds of destruction overwhelming him. He gritted his teeth, focused on his next steps and keeping his head tucked. 

A plasma bolt cut the air next to him and he startled. 

“Traitor!” 

Finn adjusted his grip on Poe, then turned slowly. “Captain,” he said, his attempt at bravado ending in a squeak. 

“Scum,” Phasma greeted, her cape swirling up ash and smoke as she stood at attention, her gleaming helm covered in soot staring directly at him. 

He knelt, setting Poe onto the ground as he kept his eyes fixed on Phasma and snagged a discarded riot baton before standing. 

“FN-2187,” Phasma drawled. “You never earned those numbers. You were just a bug in the system.” 

Finn knew she’d been holding back before. Now the disgust and condescension and hatred in her voice was unchecked. Well, his fury was more than enough of a match for hers. 

“Let’s go, Chrome Dome!” he shouted, raising his weapon and rushing her. She tilted her helmet and dropped the blaster rifle in her hands, reaching instead for the extendable chromium staff, raising it against his attack. She stopped his wild swing cold, braced with a wide stance, then shoved him back before advancing. 

Finn soon realized while his fury might be equal to hers, his fighting prowess did not measure up to Phasma’s. He was relentlessly forced to give ground, but between trying to keep her away from Poe and the flaming rubble around them, he didn’t have much ground to give. Phasma laughed as he tripped, then kicked him in the ribs so he fell onto his back. 

Except there was nothing to catch him. His eyes widened as he tipped over the edge into the cargo elevator shaft, tumbling into the fiery depths. He reached towards her but she was already gone as he dropped like a stone. 

His yell of terror never emerged, however, because it was knocked from his lungs when he landed hard on the bottom of the elevator, which was only two stories below and not the potential thirty. After a few gasping attempts, he managed to breathe normally and peel himself upright with a groan. It was then he realized the damned elevator was rising, slowly but steadily. Taking him right back to the hellscape where the devil herself was gloating over his demise, and would probably be delighted to smite him again as soon as he poked his head out. He braced himself as the elevator lifted him out of the shaft.

But Phasma wasn’t waiting. She was distracted by the commlink on her wrist, attempting to gather her troops.

“Hey!” Finn shouted. The elevator platform raised him above her, and just as she twisted back, he brought up the riot baton, smashing the weapon upside her helmet. He clenched his teeth in a savage grin, wielding the baton in an arc to finish her.

“You there!” 

Finn whirled, finding another squad of troopers clambering onto the elevator platform. When he turned back, Phasma had climbed up too, the eyepiece of her helmet smashed out by his blow. 

“Disobedient, disrespectful,  _ traitor!”  _ she yelled. 

Finn heard the whine of blasters charging as they aimed at him. Still, he knew from the way the muzzles of their guns wavered and how their feet shuffled, they were nervous, more worried that the floor would give out underneath them at any moment than about listening to a captain’s orders. He knew because he was worried too. 

“Phasma, it’s over,” he called, mustering his defiance. 

“Hardly,” she returned, spinning the staff in her hand. 

“You call for order. You beat us down. And for what? It’s literally crumbling around me.” 

She made no answer and Finn glowered, wanting to provoke her. 

“You call me a traitor, but when your shiny neck was on the line, you squealed like a whoop hog. The base may have blown up, but you and I know the truth.” He pointed at her, standing tall. “When I put a gun to your head, you shut down Starkiller’s shields. Do you know how many of us died?” Finn gestured at the soldiers around him, who shifted uneasily. “And what would your troops do if they found out, huh? Or your masters?” 

“They wouldn’t believe a story like that,” she scoffed. “Kill him.” 

No one moved. 

“I ordered you to  _ kill him _ ,” Phasma demanded, her gaze scorching each of them, but no one obeyed. Some even lowered their weapons. She sighed. “Cowards.” Her blaster came up and fired in rapid succession. 

Finn was stunned, jaw dropping in silent horror, but it was over quickly. She slaughtered her own troops until Finn was the only one left standing. He jolted, then raised his weapon once again and ran at her with a roar. 

He was immediately rebuffed by a strike of her staf, and sent sprawling against the bodies of her own troopers that she’d just slaughtered. Finn groaned, reaching for his weapon. 

“You were always scum,” she gloated, raising the chromium rod to ram it through his chest. 

He lifted the missile launcher, hidden under the corpses of his fallen comrades. “Rebel scum.” 

The blast hit her in the middle of her shiny chest plate, catapulting her off the platform into one of the burning crevices opening up as the entire hangar continued to implode at an increasing rate. Finn took a moment to gape before scrambling to his feet. 

He had to get Poe, get to Rose, and get out of here. He scrambled off the elevator platform and ran to Poe. 

“Come on,” he muttered, sliding his hands underneath the pilot’s limp body. “Let’s go, for real this time.” 

He managed to leverage Poe back up to his shoulders and take a few unsteady steps. He readjusted, wincing as Poe’s weight pulled on his bad shoulder, then started towards where he knew the shuttle was. A walker collapsed in a fiery heap in front of him, causing him to stumble to his knees in an attempt to avoid falling completely. 

“Finn!” 

He lifted a hand to block a hail of embers and dust, but when it abated he looked up to see Rose standing above him on the shuttle’s ramp as it hovered above the hangar’s floor, held aloft by the repulsorlift engines. 

“Come on!” she shouted. 

He heaved Poe clumsily onto the ramp then took Rose’s hand as she hauled him aboard. Together, they dragged Poe as the ramp sealed shut. 

“Beebee-Ate, get us out of here!” Rose screamed. 

BB-8, plugged into the shuttle’s control and navigation systems squealed and complied, sending the shuttle rocketing out of the hangar just as the central ceiling supports began to give way. 

When Finn made it to the cockpit with Rose after settling Poe in, he sat in the copilot’s seat. 

“Do you know how to fly this thing?” Finn asked Rose, who was gripping the controls tightly. The blank grimace had resettled on her face. 

“No.” 

“Um, do you know where we’re going?” 

“Away from that.” 

Finn looked off the shuttle’s portside and could hardly argue against her plan. 

“What happened?” he wondered quietly, taking in the catastrophe they had just escaped. The  _ Supremacy  _ was rendered in half, the rent glittering with flame and debris. The rest of the fleet was similarly damaged, although to a lesser extent. Rose didn’t respond to his question, but he wasn’t really looking for an answer. 

Instead he faced forward, more eager than ever to leave the First Order behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT DID YOU THINK?
> 
> I'm really excited about this chapter so please let me know your thoughts! Also my next update will be the final chapter of this part before we move into part four, **I'm Standing In Front of You**. I'll talk more about it next time, but I'm very excited y'all!
> 
> Thanks for reading - until next time!


	16. 16th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Yeah, used to let it go_  
_Walk into the show_  
_Gawking at the tricks up your sleeve_  
_Too good to be true_  
_Fool, I'm in a room_  
_Full of entertainers and thieves_  
_Used to let it go_  
_Woah, oh no_  
_Way up, way up we go_  
_Been up and down that road_  
_Way up, way up, oh no_  
_We gon' burn the whole house down_  
_Watch me stand in the line_  
_You're only serving lies_  
_You've got something to hide_  
_We gon' burn the whole house down_  
Burn the Whole House Down by AJR
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)

The time between escaping the _ Supremacy _ and docking with the _ Millennium Falcon _ was a blur in Finn’s memory. He knew it was mostly Rose who got them there, as he was pretty much useless as a pilot or navigator. It was fortunate that Chewbacca hadn’t given up on them, leaving them for dead when the _ Supremacy _was ripped down the middle like a piece of flimsy. 

Meeting up with the Resistance had been more difficult, as the fleet was preparing to jump to hyperspace and Rose just barely managed to hail them before they slipped away and to set up a rendezvous. 

Finn only dared a few glances at Rose, but her face was frozen in a scowl that didn’t thaw even when they’d made the jump. Her movements were rigid, carefully controlled and deliberate, and she made no move to help. 

He didn’t want to be the thing that made her snap. 

Chewbacca seemed to be of the same mind, letting her sit in stony silence as he tried to make Finn into a passable copilot, which was a frustrating task given he didn’t understand Shryiiwook, involving a lot of gesturing and growling. Thankfully he didn’t have to do much until they docked with the _ Anodyne, _ the only remaining frigate in the fleet. When they made the rendezvous, Rose stood and left the cockpit without a word. 

Finn went to retrieve Poe, who they’d left in the lounge under a blanket. Finn felt somewhat guilty about that but he hadn’t wanted to ask Rose to stay with him and Chewie needed an extra set of hands as the _ Falcon _ wasn’t designed for only one pilot. He was fairly sure Poe’s injuries were superficial if painful and ugly, except maybe his bruised ribs. Poe had woken briefly when they settled him in but faded away again. 

“Hey,” Finn said. 

Poe blinked with his one clear eye, then groaned. “Finn. Everything hurts.” 

“I’ll bet,” Finn said. “But we made it out.” 

“Kylo made it?” he asked. 

Finn felt his heart sink. He had honestly forgotten about Kylo in the middle of everything else. “Dunno. Haven’t heard from him,” he admitted. 

Poe closed his eye. “Rose?” 

“She’s – fine.” 

Poe exhaled, grimacing as his ribs contracted. “And Paige? Paige is –” 

“Paige is gone,” Finn interrupted, glancing at Chewie, who stood waiting. 

Poe didn’t say anything for a long moment, just breathing with careful, slow movements. Then he nodded, his eyes closed. “I need to find the General.” 

“General Organa?” 

“Yes. Can you help me up?” 

“I don’t know if you should walk. Chewbacca can carry –” 

Poe’s eye snapped open. “I’m going to kriffing walk myself, just help me up.” 

Finn reluctantly complied, allowed him to grip his shoulder tightly for support as Poe wobbled, nearly passing out. 

“Just, give me a second,” Poe bit out through gritted teeth. Eventually he stopped swaying and managed to take a step forward. 

On board the _ Anodyne _was a pressing silence. All the remaining crew and survivors were subdued and no one made the effort to greet them. Poe was too concentrated on walking to look up anyway, his jaw clenched so tight Finn wondered he didn’t shatter his teeth. It took them much longer to get to the command deck than it would’ve otherwise but Finn didn’t say anything, letting Poe use him as a human crutch, ready to assist if he started to veer too far to the side. 

Finn saw General Organa notice them when they arrived at the command deck. Although he didn’t know her that well, even he could tell the lines of stress and exhaustion in her face had been furrowed deep by recent events. The spark of anger he noted seemed smothered under a blanket of despondency, at least until she locked her sights on Poe. Finn didn’t like the dangerous light in her eyes, unnerving him. He avoided looking at her face as Poe dragged him forward determinedly until her sharp voice recalled his focus. 

“Dameron.” Her eyes flicked over them, taking in Poe’s condition. The hard line of her mouth didn’t soften. “Explain yourself.” 

“I’m sorry, General. I went without permission –” 

“You went against orders,” Leia corrected with a fierce scowl. Finn desperately wanted to get out of the way of whatever storm was about to break, but he thought Poe would fall over if he did. 

“Well, yes, I –” 

“I ought to have you locked in the brig. In fact, I just might. What the _ hell _were you thinking?” 

Poe’s grip on his shoulder tightened and Finn bit back a grunt, desperately looking anywhere but the confrontation happening right in front of him. 

“General, I –” 

“No. You don’t get to speak. I have no patience for your rationalizations. You endangered the lives of everyone in the Resistance. _ Everyone _. Do you understand that?” 

“Yes –” Poe started, but Leia was far from done. It seemed to Finn that she was just getting going, her words coming faster and with more vehemence. 

“Good people died today, Dameron. People that didn’t have to die. Do you realize that?” 

“I know,” Poe managed, guilt coloring his tone. Finn thought of Paige, lying in a pool of blood as Rose screamed her name. 

“Your actions brought the First Order down on our heads, and we weren’t ready for it. We only escaped because of Admiral Holdo.” 

“Holdo? Battle of Chyron Belt Holdo?” 

Leia’s lips pressed together and her nostrils flared. “Yes, Vice Admiral Holdo. Amilyn Holdo, my friend. Did you even know who she was? She died so that the Resistance could escape. She chose to sacrifice herself. Did you know that? Do you know how many others died before then?” 

No, they had no idea. Finn felt the uneasiness settle into his gut. He didn’t know many of the Resistance fighters, having mostly kept to himself, but he wondered what familiar faces had died today - and then he remembered the corpses on the _ Supremacy _, white-shelled bodies among fire and vacuum as the flagship crumbled. Was that all their fault? 

“Dameron, you are not a kriffing one-man army!” 

Everyone was staring as Leia’s voice rose to an uncomfortable level and Poe had wised up enough to stay silent, leaning onto Finn. 

“Did you even _ think _ about what the Resistance Command was trying to do? Of the sacrifices everyone else was making? Did you think about the cost of your actions? Did you even think at all?” The General seemed to be trembling as she paused for breath and she pressed a hand over her eyes before glaring at Poe again. 

“You don’t know the first thing about leadership, Dameron. You and your kriffing hero complex!” 

Poe flinched as though he’d been struck. 

“You’re demoted.” 

Poe nodded. 

Leia turned to a holodisplay. “Get out of my sight.” 

~---~ 

Kylo woke with a start. 

He was stretched out on his back and the base of his skull throbbed in greeting as his consciousness returned. He sat up, hissing through his teeth as his body presented its many complaints. It probably didn’t help that he’d been lying on a very unforgiving floor for who knew how long. Too long, probably, and – 

“Rey!” Kylo leapt to his feet, ignoring his stiff muscles and ran to her side. 

Rey was sprawled on the ground, her eyes closed. 

“No,” he gasped, feeling for her pulse with his fingers against her carotid while he reached out with his mind. 

She was alive. 

Of course, she was; he would feel it if she wasn’t. But she was so still that it frightened him irrationally, he couldn’t even bring himself to imagine if he’d killed her with his foolhardy play for the lightsaber. He had been upset, disappointed, angry even, but now that was pushed aside by overwhelming concern, his hands shaking as he gently turned her over, cradling her head so it wouldn’t hit the floor. 

“Rey,” he murmured, running his fingers over her arms and up her neck to brush over her jaw. “Rey, wake up.” 

The throne room shuddered from a concussion of a distant explosion and he looked up at the towering viewports, eyes widening at the scene beyond. 

The entire portside wing of the _ Supremacy _ was shorn off, a shattered tear that sprayed glittering, flaming wreckage across the starscape. That wasn’t the work of Poe’s team, he knew. And he was almost certain none of the ordnance the Resistance had was nearly powerful enough to create the destruction he could see. It was highly likely the structural integrity of the entire mega-class Star Destroyer was compromised. 

They’d be coming to find Snoke. If Rey and Kylo hadn’t set off any alarms or missed any check-ins while they were fighting the guards or lying unconscious, someone would be coming anyway to evacuate the Supreme Leader. They had to go, and soon. 

“Rey, come on, please,” he begged. 

She made no sign of life except for the steady puffs of warm air from her parted lips. He looked around for something that would help and his eyes snagged on two glinting silver pieces. Kylo called them with an outstretched hand and they came, promptly burning his palm. 

“Kriff,” he hissed, dropping the overheated, sundered halves of the Skywalker lightsaber at his knees. Rey didn’t stir at the outburst or the clatter. 

He’d have to take her and leave. They had to go now. 

Kylo leaned over her, trying to slide his arms beneath her shoulders and knees to scoop her up. Her brow wrinkled as he jostled her, despite his attempt at gentleness. He froze, watching her face, but the crease between her eyebrows didn’t relax. 

_ Kriff. _

He couldn’t take her with him. 

Not now, not like this. Not when she’d had every other choice made for her without her consent. Not when she’d just so clearly stated what she wanted. He couldn’t take her away from that or she’d never forgive him. Maybe if she’d just wake up, they could find a compromise. 

He slipped his arms from under her. “Rey, please, wake up.” 

Across the throne room, the door to the turbolift hissed shut. Kylo looked up and saw the indicator above the turbolift was falling. Someone had recalled it from below. Someone was coming. 

They had to go, now. 

No, _he _had to go. 

He looked down at Rey. His eyes traveled over her form, memorizing her from the soft press of her eyelashes against her pale cheeks to the smooth callouses and scars marking her open palm where it lay outstretched. His gaze returned up to her face, halting at the glimmer in the hollow of her throat. 

It was the night pearl, the one he'd gifted her so long ago that he'd held onto after everything when to hell as a reminder of his broken promises. Somehow she had taken it back - _when? - _and she had chosen to wear it again.

She was fine, he knew this. And she could handle herself, he also knew. But he didn’t want to abandon her again, not like he’d done before, running away when things got too difficult. Or maybe it was more selfish than that, that he wanted her with him, no matter the circumstance. 

He ran a frantic hand through his hair. Either way, the very fact that he was even considering leaving made his heart stutter and his gut twist. 

She’d hate him either way. 

But he could only see one way where she might forgive him. 

He reached for her face, brushing a thumb over her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, memorizing every detail of her face before leaning over. “Remember. You’re not alone,” he breathed, then pressed his cool lips to the hot skin of her forehead. When he sat back on his heels, the wrinkle in her brow had vanished. 

Kylo stood, slipping the cooling pieces of the lightsaber into his jacket. He glanced back at the turbolift, now rising, before looking for an alternative. 

There. A small door nestled into the wall. 

He looked down at Rey one more time, taking a step back before turning and fleeing Snoke’s throne room. 

~---~ 

Hux was picking at the trim of his coat, his fingernail catching on the precise seam repeatedly before he caught himself, curling his fingers into a fist until he could feel his knuckles pop. 

The lift was taking an eternity. The lights had flickered once after he started rising and his stomach plummeted like a stone before they steadied. Every time the lift reacted to another tremor he imagined being trapped in the little box while the rest of the _ Supremacy _crumbled around him. He wouldn’t really be surprised with the way this day was turning out. 

No one had expected the Resistance to be quite so stubborn or foolish. When Allegiant General Pryde had seen the _ Raddus _ turn towards the _ Supremacy, _ it had merely appeared to be an evasive tactic to avoid broadsides with the First Order fleet and conserve energy by focusing it on their aft shields. Hux had heard the general’s skeptical order to rescan the vessel when the bridge officer reported the _ Raddus _ was devoid of lifeforms, but by the time they realized the hyperdrive was online, it was too late to do anything but brace as the aftershocks wracked the _ Supremacy _ in the wake of the _ Raddus’ _kamikaze maneuver. 

The lift door slid open and Hux practically leapt out, forgoing respectability for the safety of open space. He needn’t have worried about his dignity. 

The throne room was in ruins. 

The crimson curtains were gone, all that remained of them was the ash floating through the air and a few heaps of burning fabric on the floor. It was uncomfortably warm, the smell of burning cloth filled his nostrils when he inhaled and he could taste smoke on the back of his tongue. The elite Praetorian guard was lying on the ground, clearly dead based on the unnatural positions they were in. And on the throne – 

Hux couldn’t make sense of what he was seeing. After a minute hesitation, he walked forward briskly, his hand sliding to the inner pocket of his coat instinctively. Nothing stirred except a few flames that guttered as he passed to approach the dais. 

He halted a few meters away, stunned. 

The Supreme Leader was dead. Cleanly bisected at the waist. The top half of his corpse had toppled forward, his face twisted to the side, eyes rolled back and tongue lolling. 

It had to be a trick. A test of some sort. 

Hux felt beads of sweat break out on his forehead. At any moment he’d feel Snoke’s invisible hand smashing him into the ground or the shock of blue lightning through his body for not kneeling as was his due. 

But nothing happened. 

Trembling, he extended his foot to nudge the corpse with the toe of his boot. 

Still nothing. 

Hux exhaled. Then he laughed, a shaky breathless noise that he quickly swallowed. While this made so many things so much more difficult, it also simplified several others. Primarily, it allowed for new opportunities. Something he desperately needed. 

Someone moaned. Hux whipped around, slipping the miniature blaster pistol from his great coat to point it towards the source of the noise. 

It was Ren. 

She was lying on the floor and as he stared she began to stir. 

Here was his first opportunity. 

She was completely vulnerable. He stepped closer, standing over her. One well-placed shot was all it would take, and he’d be free of these blasted Force wielders. 

He flipped the safety on the handgun, his finger sliding onto the trigger. 

But if he killed her now, he’d have nothing to separate him from the rest of the scheming High Command. It’d be chaos without someone to stabilize the politics. 

Hux cursed to himself and drew back his arm. Sometimes he hated the calculating side of his brain that presented him with such distasteful logic, but he reminded himself yet again that he hadn’t made it this far by indulging his impulses. 

Instead he tugged his great coat to the side and knelt beside her. Kira’s eyelids fluttered. She looked like shit, her face pale and ash-streaked with dry, cracked lips, although he’d seen her look worse. He cursed whatever cosmic irony thought it amusing to present him with her in such weakness yet again while he was unable to destroy her like he wanted so desperately. Hux reached towards her, intending to shake her shoulder and wake her from whatever stupor she’d managed to fall into. 

Her eyes flew open and Hux couldn’t bite back the yelp that leapt from his throat. Kira shot up, one hand gripping his at the wrist and wrenching it violently while her other hand formed a claw at his trachea, squeezing it in a contactless chokehold. 

“Hux,” she greeted, her voice rough and dangerous. He scrabbled at her arm with his free hand, his face beginning to flush scarlet as she stared at him with an excess of irritation and disgust, with a little bit of what looked like disappointment. 

“Kriff, Ren!” he wheezed as his wrist was twisted to the breaking point. “I’m trying to help you, damn it!” 

Her eyes narrowed, and then he spasmed as she dived in and snatched the most recent emotion from his mind: intent to assist, not harm. 

Kira relented, tossing him back so he landed awkwardly on one elbow as she stood. He looked up at her, rubbing his throat. The half-crazed in her eyes had resolved to something more controlled but equally disturbing. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

Kira scanned the room, taking in the ashy ruins and still corpses. “The bounty hunter killed Snoke.” 

Hux rose slowly to his feet, watching her with wary eyes as she turned to observe the calamity beyond the viewport. He couldn’t restrain the skepticism he felt at her explanation, allowing himself a brief glare at her back before she faced him again. 

“Kylo? I wasn’t aware he was on board,” he said. 

“Yes.” 

“He killed the Supreme Leader and the Guard?” Hux asked, managing to keep the incredulity to minimum. 

Her smoldering eyes fixed on him, her face expressionless. Her fingers twitched and he flinched, expecting to feel a crushing pressure on his throat again. “He must have taken Snoke’s escape craft,” she observed coldly. 

Hux followed her as she moved towards the throne, and he imagined a similar thought process to what he’d just entertained was going through her mind: they were free, although her posture and expression betrayed nothing. He waited. 

“The Supreme Leader is dead,” she said after a tense silence. She turned to him with a glower, and he immediately thought back to the collapse of Starkiller Base, fleeing on the shuttle when she’d told him they were both just pawns. 

They weren’t pawns now. Which made them… what, exactly? Right now he was nothing in her eyes. He had to change that, and quickly. He had to take charge. 

“We’ll go after him. Crush him and his allies. Put down the Resistance,” Hux declared. 

“No,” she snapped. 

“No?” 

“There are more pressing problems, Hux,” she said, gesturing vaguely and causing Hux to flinch. She looked as if she was about to continue but she was stymied by another arrival. 

“What the _ hell _ is going on in here?” Silyana snarled, practically exploding from the turbolift, two masked Knights following her. Hux bent to brush the ash off the knees of his jodhpurs before he’d have to look up and meet the burning silver of Silyana’s eyes. He braced himself. 

“Master,” Silyana acknowledged. The two Darksiders seemed to have a quick wordless conversation as the other Knights inspected the dead guards. Hux observed with narrowed eyes. The Knight and her master seemed to be in conflict over something, their eyes alternately glancing at the empty throne, the disaster outside, the other Knights, even Hux. Hux shifted his weight, impatient, and inadvertently drew their attention. He swallowed as Silyana turned towards him. 

“Your kriffing ship just got torn to pieces, Hux,” she declared in a mocking tone, advancing on him. “And oh would you look at that, Snoke’s kriffing dead. About time, and good riddance.” 

Hux stiffened and flinched as Silyana neared, almost expecting to get slapped. Silyana noticed, not bothering to hide her smirk. He glared at her, affronted by her childish display even though he knew she did it specifically to irk him. Her lack of deference and her unpredictability put him on edge. She was positively feral with excitement, a complete contradiction to her master, who stood behind Hux like a somber specter of doom. He felt trapped between the two Darksiders, uncertain how they wanted him to respond. 

“What are you going to do about this, Hux? Hmm?” She stood too close for comfort, her eyes glittering. 

He forced himself to straighten, using his lean height to stand over her. Carefully, he turned to Kira Ren, who was watching him intently. He glanced between the two women, trying to calculate their intentions, finally fixing on Kira even while Silyana breathed on his neck. 

“The Supreme Leader is dead,” he repeated Kira’s statement from earlier. The Knights around him leaned forward. He met Kira’s eyes. “Long live the Supreme Leader.” 

He could feel Silyana’s satisfaction. “Yes, long live the Supreme Leader.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, thank you all SO MUCH for reading and commenting and subscribing and leaving kudos - it means so much to me. 
> 
> Second, a wild round of applause for my beta [AngstyWriter](https://angstywriterangst.tumblr.com) for all the input and guidance and general enthusiasm contributed. I couldn't have made it this far otherwise.
> 
> I'll be taking a month to get this next part straightened out in my head and write a decent cushion to make sure I can maintain regular updates. You can expect the first chapter of **I'm Standing In Front of You** on May 24th. Meanwhile, you can subscribe to this series or me as an author to get notified when I post, or find me on [tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/nerd_obsessed)!
> 
> Until next time, stay safe and healthy! 😘

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long to get back here, but hopefully you will enjoy what I have. I'm very excited to be posting again, and I plan to get back to my schedule of every two weeks on Sundays. And since I lost a bit of momentum, I'd appreciate any sharing of [this post on tumblr](https://a-nerd-obsessed.tumblr.com/post/188035141480/new-burn-the-whole-house-down-part-3-of-light) to get the word out.
> 
> And of course, let me know what you think of this first chapter below and leave a kudos if you so desire. I love talking with you all about the story and characters! Until next time...


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